SHADE NEEDED

You could get reflective film for the windows or perfect fit blinds that will reflect the light if you have UPVC windows.

Don't use newspaper. That is silly. People scrunch it up into balls and stuff it down their clothes to keep warm. That's because air gets trapped in the balls. A single sheet of it would be pretty rubbish and either blow away or get soaking wet mush when it rains. If you must hang up paper hang up tin foil or white paper which will at least act as a reflector.

Could you get a garden sail?

Set 4 fence posts in the ground to create the anchor points and you can add hooks at different heights to alter the angle.

That would allow you to shade the house when you wanted to and you can remove the sail and put string lights through the hooks in cooler weather.

I have a sail shade on my south facing shed as I do pottery there and it cools the space down immensely. That was 10 euros. And I also have a large umbrella which winds up and down which I wind up in the morning which was 50 euros. Between them all sun gaps to the shed are closed off.

I do live in the South West of France and it gets searingly hot here.

Have a look at UV filtering/ sun blocking film for a more permanent solution. You could also get a room divider screen.

If you need to cut them to size width wise I recommend keeping them bundled up and using a bread knife or a saw. Cuts through easily without tearing.

Glad you had a pretty decent sleep OP.

We all get into this situations, where we just get so frustrated and need to take a time out.

I also live in a hot country, but the situation is just so completely different, as we are set up for these conditions. I see all the posts of people battling and houses like sweatboxes.

We are very much having the opposite problem though. We have been hit by a harsh winter and our houses are just not built to keep heat in. So inside our houses are actually colder than outside a lot of the time. I tend to go outside and sit on the step during the day to heat up. Or sit in the car.

Get the dc involved and make it a fun job by taping up whatever you can, but the sail shade idea from each wall sounds like a very good idea.

Ask Argos to replace your broken gazebo and weigh down the new one with sandbags.
Good luck - the situation sounds insufferable.

We are very similar, we have a big wind out awning. Ours is 4m by 4m and gives a lot of shade at different points.

Am looking at a sail for a different elevation

Get a kids stick on black out blind.eg

https://www.argos.co.uk/product/9434055 (they also do regular size)

If you have a small garden surrounded by high brick walls, the answer is sail shades. One of our neighbours has done this so their kids can run about mostly shaded and not wearing anything in the garden.

I asked her how she did it and she drilled some hooks into the side of the house and the garden walls, and clips up the shades during heatwaves to cover almost the entire (small) garden. Apparently it also keeps the downstairs cool as it keeps the sun off the side of the house.

I live in a hot country. The way we cope (without air con) is shutters. We have the shutters closed on any side of the house where the sun shines and we generally open and close with the sun. Open your windows wide in the fresh morning and close everything as soon as it heats up (usually around 9am) and don’t open again until the cool air of the evening (7pm-ish). If you can’t get shutters fitted then blinds is the next option. Or even towels or a sheet as pp have mentioned. An awning would help if it stops the sun shining straight into the kitchen but wouldn’t act to isolate from the hot air outside.

The truth is that the UK is not well set up for hot temperatures, but truly your only option is to stop the sun from coming into the room.

We often feel like we’re living in a cave most of the summer, but we manage up to 40 degree temperatures in a flat with no air con so it can be done if you can keep the light out.

Shade the outside first - we've got a rectangular parasol outside our south facing kitchen windows and a shade sail above the patio doors and they really help to cool the air that's hitting the outside of the glass.

Then move on to inside shade on the glass if you need more - newspaper and cardboard will work if you have no budget for anything

Put a wet towel in front of the open window to cool the air coming in.

Make up a bowl of salad and a plate of cold meats in the morning and just leave it in the fridge. Take away the need to be in there at all.

Are you near IKEA ? These black out paper blinds can be cut to size with scissors and self stick. I have put them on our pvc patio doors (the white ones).

They are a bit faffy and rip easy so I wrap a piece of strong tape on the bottom bit which has stopped them ripping when I open them
(although sounds like you might keep yours closed!)

I can pm you a photo how they look on patio doors?

I think other shops may sell similar ones too if your not near ikea, like dunelm maybe

They are not as nice as proper blinds but I did as a cheap fix until we get blinds.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/schottis-block-out-pleated-blind-dark-grey-90369507/#content

Same set up here. We’ve got a blind at the window which is down all day if no one is going to be in in the afternoon to pull down and easy fit blinds on the patio doors.

Why are you choosing to cook though? OPs have lots of suggestions of cold meals just for a couple of days?

Remember this is a temporary problem, so it only needs a temporary solution. I'd suggest you stop cooking in the evenings. Either cold food only or cook in the very early morning and reheat in the microwave later. You need to block the window with something. In the heat wave 2 years ago I taped sheets to my window with gaffer tape. Looked like a squat, but worked! Then table fans with bowls of ice in front of them on the kitchen counters. If it's unavoidable to be in there, neck fan and ice gel pack fastened round the back of your neck will help. As will standing in a bowl of ice water. I know it's sounds mad, but, remember temporary so whatever gets you through. Longer term, can you get some tall plants in pots to move in front of the window on the patio when it's hot?

What others said - tape cardboard or a sheet up, or buy a Gro-Blind with suction. And my go to dinner rec is a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket with cous cous and a few cucumber slices.

Long term an awning is the answer. We have one over our patio doors and it’s the best thing we’ve done. It makes the back of the house and patio useable as it is in shade all day.

@ClematisPurple is there a gutter running along the top of the door/window wall outside? I have used pegs to attach a bed sheet to the gutter so it hangs down in front of the glass and gives some screening. Doesn’t quite reach the floor but it helped keep the worst out yesterday.

Worst advice. You will have a very hot curtain inside your room. Hang a white sheet outside your window.

Same here, wallpaper over the outside of the lounge window at the moment, also West facing. It's such a small lounge so any sign of a heatwave coming I put it up, just with tape.
Also I just get food in to make salads and cold dinners but I appreciate that may be too late for you now.

Duct tape.