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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invisible at 60.

160 replies

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 10/07/2025 18:16

Not sure if this is the right place but here goes….
As a 60+ woman I find it sad to think of myself as invisible. When I was in my teens, 20s, 30s, 40s and later I would have lots of attention from men. I am happily married to a lovely attentive man but when I’m out on my own I am completely invisible. Am I the only one who has just realised I’m old and undesirable?

OP posts:
Zempy · 10/07/2025 18:55

I agree it’s concerning to hear that women are still seeking validation from random men.

I absolutely love being invisible, although I do still get chatted up, especially in London for some strange reason!! I need to perfect my resting bitch face as I would be happy not to be approached/evaluated/ by a man ever again.

LittlleMy · 10/07/2025 18:49

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 10/07/2025 18:38

Ok message received, I’ll crawl back into my shell.

I mean you don’t have to crawl anywhere. I think the issue is that you define yourself as ‘old and undesirable’ just because you no longer get ‘attention from men’ which is a sentiment incongruous with the earlier statement of being happily married and to an attentive man at that!

You’re only as old as you feel and you are desirable as you have a loving husband - surely the only man that counts!

Bufftailed · 10/07/2025 18:48

Totally agree. It’s a weird feeling. I wasn’t expecting it. Difference for me, happened at 45

Hankunamatata · 10/07/2025 18:47

Don't judge your worth by the attention you get from men

Hankunamatata · 10/07/2025 18:47

Don't judge your worth by the attention you get from men

likeafishneedsabike · 10/07/2025 18:47

Ohsotiredme · 10/07/2025 18:27

Its really sad when women need men's " attention" to validate them.

Show quote history

It’s so desperate.

WiganWoman · 10/07/2025 18:47

You don’t need to be crawling anywhere.
I understand the invisibility thing;
But I bet you’ve got charisma, character, and a lot of other positive qualities, and you are very lucky that you have a decent man.
If you look on here, so many poor women have complete arseholes to deal with on a daily basis. And there’s a lot of them about.

TBH we’ve had our turn, and it’s rather freeing. I dress reasonably well, wear modest jewellery when out and about, a little makeup, but it’s for myself. I don’t need to turn heads and I don’t need approval from ANYONE at all….that’s freedom.

DuskyPink1984 · 10/07/2025 18:46

Why does it matter?

But also, no-one is ‘invisible’ (a ridiculous term I only ever see used on MN). My mum was asked out by lots of men after my dad died.

You’re married, so men aren’t likely to hit on you.

PollyCreo · 10/07/2025 18:45

No, it's weird when you've had men flirting with you all your life and then it stops and you become invisible. I had chemo a couple of years ago and lost all my hair, all of a sudden my powers had gone. No men tripping over themselves to help me, no one chatting me up at the gym or in shops.

Now my hair's grown back and dyed blonde again - as if by magic I'm sexy again. Sad but true 🙄

LavenderBlue19 · 10/07/2025 18:45

I'm invisible at 43 and to be honest it's lovely. No more comments, no more groping, no more staring at my boobs.

I know I need to lose weight for my health, but from past experience the comments start again when I get below a size 16 and I can't be fucked with it. Hopefully I'm old enough now that I'll stay invisible.

5128gap · 10/07/2025 18:44

Ohsotiredme · 10/07/2025 18:27

Its really sad when women need men's " attention" to validate them.

Show quote history

Well that's as maybe. Plenty of people seem to think she should be sufficiently validated by the attention of one man though.

Lazygardener · 10/07/2025 18:44

I love being invisible. No more stupid chat ups, no-one bothers me when I am alone, I can travel and see the world without worrying about unwanted attention. Anyone who knows and cares for me 'sees' me, and if I find I am being ignored when I don't want to be, that's up to me to speak up for myself.

WhistlingStraits · 10/07/2025 18:43

I think I will enjoy a bit of invisibility when it comes.

CoubousAndTourmalet · 10/07/2025 18:41

61, I never wanted attention, I pretty much went out of my way to avoid getting it all my life. I just find wanting to be noticed, quite a sad way to be.

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 10/07/2025 18:40

Really? I find the fact most men talk to my face now and not my chest very refreshing

Catladywithoutacat · 10/07/2025 18:39

Go on social media especially tiktok and start miming to younger music
I say this because so many older women do it and get a lot of attention

Original poster
canyouseemyhousefromhere · 10/07/2025 18:38

Ok message received, I’ll crawl back into my shell.

OP posts:
Serpentstooth · 10/07/2025 18:36

I love the invisibility, it's an utter relief when men start to look past you instead of at your chest. Savour it.

ACatAsleepInYourHat · 10/07/2025 18:36

Createausername1970 · 10/07/2025 18:26

I am 62 and am totally the opposite - I am very happy being invisible.

I am happy with my life, my family, my friends and my work. I am happy with the decisions I take. I no longer feel I have to please other people or be bothered about what they think.

I find it very freeing - like wearing a floaty skirt with no pants 😂

I turned 60 and thought "bollox to everyone else, I have a finite length of time in front of me now, I am just going to please me and mine".

Hear, hear! Very well said. For me, the turning point was being seriously ill at the age of 57, and having to have some risky surgery. I definitely felt that my time left on the planet was indeed finite, and my people-pleasing tendencies evaporated almost overnight. In the modern parlance, I had no more fucks to give, and still don’t. Invisibility for the win!

theleafandnotthetree · 10/07/2025 18:34

It took this long? Jeez, I'm 51 and have felt this way for at least 7 or 8 years. You had your turn, it's younger people's turns to be in that era of their life. But there are so many wonderful things about being this age that more than make up for it and which are much more meaningful ultimately..

ginasevern · 10/07/2025 18:34

tinydynamine · 10/07/2025 18:31

I think most men over 60 feel invisible too...don't hear them moaning and groaning about it though.

That's because most of them are posting on OLD looking for 30 year olds.

tinydynamine · 10/07/2025 18:31

I think most men over 60 feel invisible too...don't hear them moaning and groaning about it though.

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 10/07/2025 18:29

Createausername1970 · 10/07/2025 18:26

I am 62 and am totally the opposite - I am very happy being invisible.

I am happy with my life, my family, my friends and my work. I am happy with the decisions I take. I no longer feel I have to please other people or be bothered about what they think.

I find it very freeing - like wearing a floaty skirt with no pants 😂

I turned 60 and thought "bollox to everyone else, I have a finite length of time in front of me now, I am just going to please me and mine".

Are you me? I could have written this, every word!

Myoldbear · 10/07/2025 18:28

This is actually something I like about being older.
When men talk to me I know they're interested in the conversation we're having, with no other agenda. It's more straightforward and simple.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 10/07/2025 18:27

I've never had male attention. I've been plain all my life and now, at 64, I feel the playing field is levelling and it's more about who you are than how you look. I'm not invisible, but I'm no longer being judged on not looking 'pretty', and it's very refreshing.