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AIBU?

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Original poster

Invisible at 60.

160 replies

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 10/07/2025 18:16

Not sure if this is the right place but here goes….
As a 60+ woman I find it sad to think of myself as invisible. When I was in my teens, 20s, 30s, 40s and later I would have lots of attention from men. I am happily married to a lovely attentive man but when I’m out on my own I am completely invisible. Am I the only one who has just realised I’m old and undesirable?

OP posts:
Barney16 · 10/07/2025 21:02

Interesting. I haven't ever felt the need to be validated by men but that's because perhaps I think most of them are tossers. I'm sure they aren't, sweeping generalisation, but when I see the things that some men do, particularly those in positions of great power I shudder.

NeedAnyHelpWithThatPaperBag · 10/07/2025 20:58

All this talk of invisibility perpetuates a self fulfilling prophesy that empowers men even more, 🤔.

godmum56 · 10/07/2025 20:48

Ohsotiredme · 10/07/2025 18:27

Its really sad when women need men's " attention" to validate them.

Show quote history

this. I have never felt visible or invisible. I am just me.

StMarie4me · 10/07/2025 20:46

Why does being ‘visible’ mean attention from men?! I’ve never felt invisible at any age, and at 62 I don’t need validation from men, or anyone. Happy in my own perfectly visible skin.

KateMiskin · 10/07/2025 20:46

I am 53, but just today the Tesco delivery guy chatted with me about the weather, my delivery, the flowers at my front door.
I am happy with chat like that.

I dont need to be noticed sexually.

AnOlderGranny · 10/07/2025 20:45

Older women are not invisible to slightly older or even younger men.
I've known many women who 'found' new men in older age and 60 is a chicken really. It's the new 40 didn't you know?
Have you let yourself go ? (Half joking)

HangryLikeTheHulk · 10/07/2025 20:45

ParmaVioletTea · 10/07/2025 20:41

What do men need to do in order to navigate this minefield ?

Silly question, @HangryLikeTheHulk. Simple answer: treat women like fully human beings.

I’m fully on board, really I am.

”Am I the only one who has just realised I’m old and undesirable?”

But I quote the OP here who says she is “undesirable” because she doesn’t get male attention any more.

This is a female perception issue, not a male attention issue.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 10/07/2025 20:44

I actually find it a relief that random men don't pester me much any more, although on occasion they still do.

What does irritate me is that I often can't get service in a shop or restaurant without asserting myself. Both men and women who are younger than me push past me. It's as if I'm a piece of furniture and have no agency.

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 10/07/2025 20:43

Screamingabdabz · 10/07/2025 19:32

I hate to give you this revelation, but if men only gawped at you for what you looked like on the outside, you were always invisible.

I bloody love this! Every woman of every age should read it.

Chompingatthebeat · 10/07/2025 20:42

I couldn't give a fuck about being fancied, i just wanna get served at the bar

ExercicenformedeZ · 10/07/2025 20:41

I am 42 and I am glad that I am not as visible as I was in my early twenties. I still take pleasure and pride in my appearance (more so than I did when I was younger and probably objectively prettier, or at least more sexually desirable) but I don't live for the male gaze.

Endofyear · 10/07/2025 20:41

I think one of the great joys of being older is not getting attention from men! I'm 53 and love being invisible 😊 I can go out with friends and enjoy myself without being hassled by annoying men!

ParmaVioletTea · 10/07/2025 20:41

What do men need to do in order to navigate this minefield ?

Silly question, @HangryLikeTheHulk. Simple answer: treat women like fully human beings.

Lioncub2020 · 10/07/2025 20:40

HangryLikeTheHulk · 10/07/2025 20:39

Help me to understand.

Younger women are upset by the attention they get from men.

Older women are complaining they get
no attention and are invisible.

What do men need to do in order to navigate this minefield ?

It's simple isn't women want attention from the right men not any men.

KateMiskin · 10/07/2025 20:40

HangryLikeTheHulk · 10/07/2025 20:39

Help me to understand.

Younger women are upset by the attention they get from men.

Older women are complaining they get
no attention and are invisible.

What do men need to do in order to navigate this minefield ?

I guess not wearing a sock on your penis and claiming autism like Gregg Wallace.
Also, nearly every older woman on this thread has said they are fine with no attention.

Lioncub2020 · 10/07/2025 20:39

Have you tried wearing one of those thong bikinis that would the younger girls are doing for attention.

HangryLikeTheHulk · 10/07/2025 20:39

Help me to understand.

Younger women are upset by the attention they get from men.

Older women are complaining they get
no attention and are invisible.

What do men need to do in order to navigate this minefield ?

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 10/07/2025 20:38

Why do you want to be judged solely on your looks?

Hitting 60 here. Very happy to be ignored the majority of the time. If I make an effort I get attention.

ExercicenformedeZ · 10/07/2025 20:37

Why are you bothered by what other men think? How would you feel if your husband was annoyed because he 'felt invisible'? Also, frankly, what did you expect? How many people in their sixties are genuinely attractive in the way young people are? Not many, I'd wager. You need to work on your self esteem and stop thinking of yourself in terms of sexual capital, which has an expiry date (especially for women, but that's life)

Dymaxion · 10/07/2025 20:36

I am in my 50's and literally couldn't give a fuck if men find me attractive, I have no need for them in any capacity.

What I would say is when I am driving around town, the women who stand out in a good way are women over 50, they wear clothes with a style and flair that I am deeply envious of, having neither Grin

CarpetKnees · 10/07/2025 20:35

Hatty65 · 10/07/2025 19:38

I don't feel invisible.

I mean, I obviously don't feel lusted after by strange men - but I'm far from invisible. I get lots of cheerful conversation from strangers, folks in shops, people you bump into, etc. Why does not being eyed up by blokes make you invisible?

I don't understand it. Plenty of men and women, young and old, talk with me on a variety of topics.

Same here.

PollyCreo · 10/07/2025 20:33

Muffsies · 10/07/2025 20:13

Pregnancy has a similar effect. I remember a guy in a van stopping at the lights just behind where i was walking on the path, he leant out the window to make a lewd comment at me, so I turned around revealing a huge 8 month pregnant stomach (I tend to carry all up front in a huge protrusion, and still somehow have a waist from behind). He was so shocked he actually apologised 🤣 pregnancy is not sexy.

I'm 47 now, and I still get the odd second look, it tends to be guys in the 55-65 bracket though. The thing I find a bit sad is that I can't comfortably flirt anymore, it feels a bit wrong like I might come across as a desperate cougar (yuck), so I've curtailed that. It's all a bit depressing.

I'm glad to hear you've got passed the chemo, I hope your health is returning with your hair.

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How nice of him to apologise 😂

Yes the whole hair loss thing opened my eyes, at the time I didn't want anyone near me due to the immunocompromising issue. I remember going to a pub quiz at the time, I was wearing a blonde wig and looked like Debbie Harry. One of the guys in the team was all over me, gave me his number etc. I eventually went full on Samantha in SATC and tore the wig off - the next time he didn't recognise me with my skinhead 🙄

Pivilepivling · 10/07/2025 20:27

Deadringer · 10/07/2025 20:03

I am 60 and invisible too and it's fan-fucking-tastic. Happily my invisibility coincides with the scales falling from my eyes and the realisation that most men are utter shitbags.

This with fucking bells on.

AgnesX · 10/07/2025 20:21

What kind of men do you want to pay attention to you? And what kind of men?

MuckFusk · 10/07/2025 20:20

CoubousAndTourmalet · 10/07/2025 20:17

Not my experience. Never been harassed, ogled, chatted up - was always spoken to like a human being, not an object. Hasn't changed.

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Lucky you.

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