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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to have doubts about husband's career choice?

35 replies

KStar1404 · 10/07/2025 15:49

DH used to have a very well-paid corporate job which, had he continued, would have resulted in a very good salary. He didn't hate the work so much but I think hated London/city/office life and so after Covid decided to retrain as something completely different (I don't want to go into specifics but he's a tradesperson/artisan/building things).

Anyway the last few years while he's been retraining money has been very tight - he is now working for himself and trying to set up his own business, but this has also coincided with us having a baby, and whilst I have been on maternity leave we have been chipping away at savings more than I would have liked.

He works hard, is good at what he does, and seems to really enjoy it. But it's a tough industry (especially in this economy) and there's lots of talk about things he could spend money on (workshop, tools, exhibitions) and not a lot of talk about money coming in. I'm going back to work in August, and going part-time, and so losing some of my salary - in many ways this doesn't make sense but he is never going to get momentum behind his business if he also does most of the childcare.

I want to be supportive of his dream, especially as he's not been doing this long and a few big commissions could really make a difference. But since having a baby my priorities have shifted and I can't help but wish he was doing something more stable: it's making me really anxious that we have been late on our mortgage a couple of times now and are depleting savings.

I find it really difficult to talk about it with him as I don't want to stress him out, but I also don't want to become resentful. Do we just put a time limit on it and then re-evaluate? e.g. he has a year to make it work and if not...? Help!

OP posts:
Hodgemollar · 10/07/2025 20:38

I don’t think you can really moan about his income while choosing to work part time. It’s not more his job than yours to pay the bills.

What is his business earning? Is the issue his income or yours?

hyggetyggedotorg · 10/07/2025 20:35

While I think job satisfaction is very important, I would worry that being late on mortgage payments could have a knock on effect down the line. For example, when your mortgage deal runs out will it stop you getting a good remortgage? Will it cost you a higher rate & make things harder in the long run?

I would think whichever one of you can earn the most realistically at the moment should work full time & the other work around childcare. How that looks is up to you.

Wowwee1234 · 10/07/2025 20:28

Are you deginitely claiming everything you are entitled to? Business grants, countil tax support, childcare vouchers? Just to help you over the bumps.

YouWillFindMeInTheGarden · 10/07/2025 20:25

If he changes his job and you go in full time won’t the childcare costs increase?

where’s the saving in that scenario?

monkeysox · 10/07/2025 20:20

Tekknonan · 10/07/2025 20:14

He does have a proper job. Since when is plumbing, electirical work or whatever OPs DH is doing not 'work?' Setting up a business is tough, but plenty of people do make a living at it. A one-person business is always tricky as you can only take on so much work - OTOH, working in the corporate world may bring in more money, but it keeps you away from home and puts you under the kind of pressure that some people can't take.

My Son-in-Law is self-employed in this way and he and DSD have had a tough time financially, though things are a lot better now. He used to have a drinking problem when he worked in corporate world. He doesn't now. As a family, they are a lot happier, but financially, it is a bit precarious from time to time.

Show quote history

Its is a "proper job" if he's making a living out of it. Right now he's not.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/07/2025 20:17

He has a full time job and you both agreed to have a baby with all this going on. I think the answer is that you need to stay full time if you can’t reliably afford your mortgage. Asking him to give up the career he’s working for while you go part time doesn’t seem fair. If you are struggling while both full time then it’d make sense for one of you to start looking for a higher paid job.

FeedingPidgeons · 10/07/2025 20:17

monkeysox · 10/07/2025 20:02

You can't afford to go part time and he can't afford to not have a proper job.

Nailed it.

He needs to make money quickly and OP can't afford to be part time.

If she's going to be the breadwinner she can't risk ending up on the "mummy track" - before anyone shouts at me I don't like the horrible sexism or support it at all, but it unfortunately it is born out by stats that women dropping to part time often struggle to progress in their career.

My DP retrained and worked PT while our youngest was a baby, it worked because we both maintained enough earnings to meet our outgoings.

Not trying to insult you OP, its just a numbers game.

If his business is not profitable, something else needs to be.

Tekknonan · 10/07/2025 20:14

monkeysox · 10/07/2025 20:02

You can't afford to go part time and he can't afford to not have a proper job.

He does have a proper job. Since when is plumbing, electirical work or whatever OPs DH is doing not 'work?' Setting up a business is tough, but plenty of people do make a living at it. A one-person business is always tricky as you can only take on so much work - OTOH, working in the corporate world may bring in more money, but it keeps you away from home and puts you under the kind of pressure that some people can't take.

My Son-in-Law is self-employed in this way and he and DSD have had a tough time financially, though things are a lot better now. He used to have a drinking problem when he worked in corporate world. He doesn't now. As a family, they are a lot happier, but financially, it is a bit precarious from time to time.

monkeysox · 10/07/2025 20:02

You can't afford to go part time and he can't afford to not have a proper job.

Jorgua · 10/07/2025 20:00

Yikes. If you've been late on your mortgage things aren't okay, are they? He should get a part-time job alongside the artisanal one.