AIBU to have doubts about husband's career choice?

Does he have a Business Plan? When is his business forecast to start making money?
if its not making money now or won't soon then its a hobby.
Also, does he have the skills he needs that aren't related to the craft?
I used to be a small Business Advisor and I have seen so many talented people fail becasue they thought that being good at 1 thing was enough, its really not

I think you need to work more or he needs to work more - no idea which makes more sense but you can’t both prioritise your happiness, mental health, etc if you can’t pay your mortgage. It almost certainly won’t make sense to downsize but perhaps there are other savings to be made.

appreciate childcare is expensive so can one of you get a job at night or weekends while this is a problem? Does he make anything at all from this or is it really just costing you money?

@Tekknonan wishing them all the best and that things pick up for them

We all pay in and we all 'take out'. Just some are more obvious than others. Even those who are paid benefits pay in via 'hidden taxes' such as VAT, fuel duty, vexicle excise duty etc.

And if you use state funded schools, state funded roads, state funded police, state funded NHS, state funded defence etc etc you are 'taking'.

More is not claimed in benefits than is paid out fraudulently. And there are huge gaps in missing taxes from those who can afford to pay properly but won't.

Helping out people who need it saves money in the long-run on more expensive provision. Gave you ever considered how much does ut cost to house a homeless family.

On average it takes 3 years for a new business to make money. Did he start the business with a years salary in savings (standard advice)? He's taken out a 2 year lease on a premise despite not having the income to service the lease? There are some big red flags here OP. If you want him to 'follow his dream' then you need to stay in full time employment and he needs to get part time evening or weekend work to keep the family afloat during the start up phase....

The bottom line is if you have been late on your mortgage you are struggling financially. How are you working together to earn enough to support your lifestyle? If you aren't then your lifestyle has to change. If his business isn't that finically successful at the moment, could he work less to cover some childcare to allow you to work more?

Plumbing or electrical are proper trade jobs because they're always needed, rather than waiting for commissions.

They need to pay the bills. He needs to do something fulltime and reliable.

Im so sorry you went through this.

This

Yeah, that’s the answer to everything. Ask for a handout. The taker mentality in full swing

I know you mentioned childcare but you absolutely can’t moan about your DH when you’re working part time.

Setting up a business takes time. You're going to take a financial hit at the start. My late DH supported me through the first year of establishing a business via his salary. After that, I earned a living wage which gradually increased as the business grew.

He needs to go back to corporate full time or possibly 80%, but on compressed hours. He can then try to establish this business on the remaining day a week and evenings. As he becomes more established and when he gets the big commissions he can then go full time in the career of his choice.

You can't both cut your incomes simultaneously. This seems to be a very selfish move on his part- you're taking time off and going part-time; so I am going to do the same. Now is not the lifestage for him to be off pursuing a dream.

Exactly. He needs a day job and for the new career to remain part-time until it can bring in an income. Not unsympathetic, but it’s hard to start off in something new, and it has to stay a hobby until you can make it pay.

Sounds like you can't afford to go back part time and your dh needs to pick up a second job until his business turns a profit. Im assuming he has a business plan and timescale

A job that doesn't pay the bills is (all together now) a hobby.

Solidarity, OP. I get it. Unfortunately now I'm years in and my initial encouragement and support has turned to resentment and loss of faith. I've reached ultimatum point several times, and he's said I've 'nagged' him into changing - to another safe, fun, creative thing that gives him the veneer of a career without actually bringing home the bacon.

Be very careful you don't end up with a drop-out keeping up appearances of having a career while living off you. I would say you do need to talk together and decide what your shared goals, ambitions, and lifestyle preferences are. Then decide how much you need to bring in, between you. Then you each get some flexibility - you want to drop a day a week to be with your DC, he wants some time to pursue this vocational work - you each do that around your jobs. He only gets to switch to the hobby full time when he can replace his share of the income with it. And really, you should only drop the 2nd day when your overall joint income allows it.

And priority debts are really that, don't be late with the mortgage. You might need to renegotiate it but they may take a very dim view of your affordability now.

I also don't think you can be part-time and he can't be working on whim. And I say that as someone with adhd who's never been good at staying in paying jobs.

Putting aside whether you can / cannot afford the transition period, I agree with a PP about having a business plan.

Starting out on your own is very possible, and there is money around. My thoughts are:

1. Understand how much you need / want to make.
2. Understand how many days you want to work.
3. Know what the business costs are. (Insurance / vehicle / tools etc).
4. Have a plan to achieve the above. e.g. I am going to install x amount of fitted wardrobes. How? Who for? How will they find me? Where will I advertise? Where will I make them? How will I transport them there? Do I want to manufacture and paint, or outsource painting to a spraying company etc etc.

Point 4 is the most important. I can't tell you how many businesses I've seen who have a hockey stick curve of income without any tangible plan of how this is going to happen.

My husband did something similar, and always refused to get a part time job alongside the badly paid work. This was around the time we had kids too. Nothing I said could make him earn more. I wanted to be around for the kids so I was also part time while they were little. It was really tough financially and I’ve never really forgiven him for it. On the flip side, he has supported me through career blips, though they’ve never been anything like as bad as his periods of low earnings. It’s more stable now, but still not very lucrative, but I can see that he wouldn’t cope in a “normal” job.

I’m in that boat of feeling glad we made it through with our family intact, but if I’d known more about financial abuse I would’ve left him back then. He put us in a really precarious position when I was at my most vulnerable, and would get angry whenever I raised it, painting me as the bad guy. I was too young, and trained by my mum that you do as you’re told, so I just put up with it and didn’t tell anyone. At some points I couldn’t even visit my parents as we had no money for petrol. It can get really bad very quickly.

I think you probably have to give your DH some kind of ultimatum. He can’t p*ss about with this. Is he really pulling out all the stops to win clients and make his business work, or is he just hoping things will get better? If it’s the latter, he needs to get a second job. It’s not fair to put all this stress on you.

If I were you and I'd been late with mortgage payments id I'd be asking to see his business plans. He cant talk of spending money without showing what he intends to bring in and when. I would tell him 1 year or whatever you and he decide to give it, and them he has to find something that pays the bills. No way would I go part time either - bonkers.to rely on him.

Does he have to be self employed? Can he work for someone else for a while so he gets a proper salary just while baby is young abs then go out on his own again? That’s what I would suggest. Then he still gets job satisfaction but can also use that time yo learn the skills you need to run your own business

I would be very very wary. This was what happened to me. Five years later we're divorcing and he's probably made less than £2000 profit since he started.
If he wants to do it, then there's no reason at all why he can't do what most people do and continue working part time in an employed job whilst he builds up his client base. I did this for 15 years until I had enough work to subsist entirely on my vocational income.

I was in a similar boat, OP. I became the breadwinner and worked compressed hours so that I could have one day off a week with our child without loosing salary or holiday. My DH then took on most of the childcare on the other 4 days. Is that an option for you?

I’m not saying it was easy and I did become a bit burnt out and resentful because money was still so tight, despite working a stressful job. In the end my DP turned his work into a “proper job” by going to work for a big company in that field. He stood out in the interview because of all the experience he had from working for himself. Again, not sure if that’s a potential option for your DH?

I totally get it - solidarity x

When he went self-employed did/does he have a business plan?
Does he understand what his accounts look like - how much profit does he make each month?

It sounds like he is struggling to transition from hobby - having fun, buying kit - to job - making money.

There is no point him following his dream if you all end up homeless. He needs a proper business plan, with a timescale of when to give up if it isn't profitable.