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AIBU?

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Original poster

A photo of my son sent to Dad I've no contact with

64 replies

ZingyKoala · 10/07/2025 15:43

This is tough to write and probably one for a therapist!

My parents separated when I was little and my Dad was basically absent. He was inconsistent and bad for me. I have zero contact for maybe 15 years.

I have a seven year old son. I recently have been I touch with a member of my Dad's family. They seem a really nice, genuine person. Today they met my son for the first time and took a photo. We had a really lovely time and I'd like to continue the relationship but I just received an email to my email address from my birth Dad after many years saying he saw a photo of my son and he's very handsome etc.

I feel so twisted right now and don't know what to think. AIBU to feel weird?

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 10/07/2025 16:28

Do you think this might be the start of a campaign to get you and your dad reconciled? Given that the person in question has recently softened, do you think they (and/or your dad) might be thinking that they'd like to be back in touch? For whatever reason.

Luddite26 · 10/07/2025 16:28

Sorry I cross posted about email addresses.

Luddite26 · 10/07/2025 16:27

I'm not defending family member but maybe they had posted the photo on a group chat not realising your father would see it.
No excuse but did you say not to show anyone.
Not blaming you either. Really they shouldn't have taken a photo of your son.
Either they are very naive or they have done it on purpose.
Was your father manipulative or does he want to make amends. How did he get your email address?
Sorry you are feeling rubbish about this.

Original poster
ZingyKoala · 10/07/2025 16:25

Rhaidimiddim · 10/07/2025 16:23

How did your dad get your email address? From this same person? Regardless, they sound either massively clueless, or a troublemaker. I would not be trusting them again.

I've the same email address since my teenage years. I've changed phone numbers but email stayed the same. Maybe they asked the person or maybe they just tried my old one

OP posts:
RedNine · 10/07/2025 16:24

Driftingawaynow · 10/07/2025 16:17

I was in similar situation, it’s really violating isn’t it. You have my sympathy

Yes is really is.

Had similar, not with a photo but with the person passing on news from my children to the person I am NC with. I felt spied-upon. (Flying monkey situation) I put the flying monkey person in the fuck you bin as well. No more passing on of information. Job done. No regrets.

Rhaidimiddim · 10/07/2025 16:23

How did your dad get your email address? From this same person? Regardless, they sound either massively clueless, or a troublemaker. I would not be trusting them again.

Marble10 · 10/07/2025 16:22

You’d think they would have mentioned they were going to share a picture of him. I’d be upset.
I was NC with my dad but I was close to his sister. I know she showed a picture of my DC to him before but I knew he would never in a million years reach out so I wasn’t too bothered. I think people get weird and romanise such situations when it comes to children.

Driftingawaynow · 10/07/2025 16:22

In my situation i think it just didn’t occur to the relative that I might value my privacy or want to be consulted. Thoughtless of them rather than duplicitous, but not cool!

RedNine · 10/07/2025 16:20

This person is no friend of yours. They have an ulterior motive (inserting themselves into matters which do not concern them)

Express your dismay and disappointment and block them. Block your dad too. Ghastly people.

Original poster
ZingyKoala · 10/07/2025 16:18

I'm sorry to hear that @Driftingawaynow and I hope you're doing OK x

I should mention that this person hasn't once mentioned that I should be in touch with my Dad or pushed any agenda. I didn't in a million years think they'd send the photo

OP posts:
Driftingawaynow · 10/07/2025 16:17

I was in similar situation, it’s really violating isn’t it. You have my sympathy

Original poster
ZingyKoala · 10/07/2025 16:15

They definitely know and they were previously no contact for a number of years, but they've softened to him recently. We don't talk about him a lot

OP posts:
Hothothot25 · 10/07/2025 16:13

Does the relative know that you're no contact owith your Dad? Could there be a chance that they just think you don't see him, rather than actively don't want to see him?

If you want a relationship with this person, it might be worth letting them know that you don't want your Dad in your life at all.

It is of course your right not to have any contact with your Dad, don't let your relative push you into it if you don't want to.

Roastiesarethebestbit · 10/07/2025 15:47

That must have shaken you up. Totally wrong for the relative to share the photo, and totally wrong for you father to contact you out of the blue like that.

I would not be rushing to see the relative again. However nice they may seem, they are clearly close to your Father and that sounds too complicated for me.

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