Food Not ready

So glad I saw this reply! Honestly and why are ppl going on about 7 minutes 12.40 she said I’ll be home at 1.15 she was late by 8 minutes meaning he had 43 minutes to cook it properly! She is going through chemo, clearly still working and anyone saying she’s unreasonable to be upset is friggin bonkers! @Fatcrab You are not being unreasonable the vast majority of us would want a bit of tlc when ill and it’s very normal for a partner to care for their partner when they’re sick. Me and mine do it for each other

Was going to ask the exact same thing .

OP I know the last thing you need right now is a telling off but honestly you really should be signed off sick for the duration of your treatment, and not be returning until signed as fit for work again.

Messing up the cooking is different than not doing it. Sometimes people make mistakes when cooking, even with the best of intentions. Even if it’s just a pop it in the air fryer kind of meal, sometimes things don’t work out as planned.

I’ve been a cancer patient trying to balance the pressure of work as the primary breadwinner. The reality was that my partner was supporting me, but the pressure of being so sick I would
crawl to the toilet sometimes while trying to keep it together for work was incredible. No amount of support would have been enough. It was only when it was over that I could understand the stress we had both been under.

OP - feel free to moan as much as you like.

Having chemo is tough. Having chemo prior to needing a blood transfusion and while still trying to do your job and keep up with your normal routine is bloody heroic.

It sounds like you are the type of person that when things get tough, you just knuckle down and plough on. It’s admirable and more power to you. It sounds like your partner is used to you being capable and in control; he doesn’t see you as fragile and he is probably not as aware of how much all this takes a toll on you. In many ways I suspect he doesn’t want to face up to you being unwell because the thought of something happening to you is to scary to contemplate. (However, I could be projecting my own experience!).

You deserve more support and that needs a sit down chat where you detail exactly what you need. Sometimes hints just don’t work.

I now take a packed lunch with me into hospital, I don’t plan anything client facing on treatment days as I can’t guarantee things will run to time. I do what I can to keep the pressure off me.

I hope your blood transfusion tomorrow goes well and you feel better afterwards. It always gives me an energy boost.

Why the hell are you going to work if you're having chemo?

Obviously, you haven't posted all the ins and outs of what you both do, but it does sound like you're not getting enough support from your DH and you should definitely sit down with him and have a conversation about it.

Look, I’m not going to say yabu, because god knows how I would deal with things if I was going through the same as you.
but I do wonder (if things are otherwise great between you) that the molehill seems like a mountain because you’ve got an already overflowing plate.

have a chat later OP, try and clear the air and explain how you feel. Maybe next time it might be easier to have something more simple (sandwhich, salad, even a cold, already cooked pasty) when under time restraints so that you know it’s defo ready and waiting for you when you get back.

i hope the rest of your treatment goes well, and you can have a bit of a rest and relax soon.

You’re not being unreasonable. It’s hard even without additional stressors to accept being the one who gives all the time, but when you’re going through this I imagine it’s 10 times harder. I would personally step back from being the one who prepares all the meals. Let him step up and maybe he’ll get better.

youll cook tonight?

and always cook?

bloody hell op… I’m wondering how “fairly” supportive and loving your partner is!

and I really do think you could have dropped colleagues a line to explain a little late

So generally supportive and loving
interspersed with thoughtless instances

sit down and raise this op, because otherwise this may fester and the instances of thoughtlessness increase with rising levels of anger on your part

Or simply “running late from a doctors appointment”

I think you could have very reasonably messages to say…. “Running late from chemo and need to eat to avoid nausea, could we make 15 mins later please or start without me “

A patty is a battered cake with with potato and sage

It was one thing you asked for, they should have made sure it was done and done correctly, you weren't asking for much at all, YANBU it's always difficult to accept poor standards from people that are supposed to love and care for you, especially when you put so much into it from your side.

As i don’t have an airfryer i might not have pulled this off I admit - 30 mins in a hot oven means preheating mine for 8-10 minutes, it runs hot and fast so by the skin of my teeth might just have been cooked … but i could have whipped you up a full meal in 20 mins if it was hob based (I’m quick) my suspicion and yours is they didn’t put the oven on straight away. Btw I like Jamaican patties, widely available in supermarkets in the midlands and London but not here where I live now, it’s strictly Cornish territory

Do your colleagues know you having chemo ?

is your partner usually very loving and supportive?

It just doesn’t seem that simple a food though.

a tuna sandwich plus tea to go into meeting with -fine. But not cooking something for that exact window.

The devil is in the detail
and no one has jumped
people have asked questions

Can I ask something? Why is it when an OP who has literally told you all the details - she was hangry after CHEMO and wanted her husband to make her the simpliest of foods, so many other people jump in to make excuses about why he maybe didn't do it? She is not being unreasonable in any possible way that you could try to twist it. Is it also a reflection on some peoples own relationships that they wouldn't expect basic kindness from their partner? I would do this for a neighbour I hardly knew let alone my partner. Have some bleeding empathy