Weird BIL won’t visit kids at our house

Does the BIL have a latex allergy or does he just keep his brain in his pants?

He sounds incredibly selfish and immature.

BIL needs to tie a knot in it and you would be advised to stay out of DH’s relationship with his brother and to minimise the relationship he has with your children in the future

Why must DH go to the house of “one of the mothers of the kids”? Why is brother-in-law hosting visits from his brother in his ex’s house? Does he not have his own house?

I don’t understand anything about this set up with all these mothers.

I don’t get what you’re looking for here. You don’t like him and I can see why, they haven’t bothered with you all this time so you’re not close and don’t know him so you have no obligation to him. If he doesn’t want to come to the house fine that’s sorts out your problem, you can move on with your life and have nothing to do with him.

Let DH deal with him, if DH decides to drive 90 mins each way to each of his 4 baby mamas that’s his problem not yours.

In this post you say your DH doesn’t want to drive the 90 mins so that’s it isn’t it? Why are you so upset and creating this thread?

Honestly, it sounds nothing but a manchild ruining his life and those poor children suffering from a father flitting in and out of their lives. Why he developed this grudge towards you is just strange. I wonder if he had feelings for you and is jealous of his brother having a loving marriage with twins with you or he is envious of the happiness his bro has. Either way, you are better off blocking him, leaving all the drama out of your life and your husband cutting him off if he speaks bad about you. I hope your hubby tells his brother to not be rude about you! You're better off just leaving your husband to see him sometimes and let him say the twins go with both parents or not at all. Your BIL has some serious bother in his life that he creates and needs to deal with. Avoid hom and his stupidity is all I can say and your husband works hard 6 days a week and is married with twins so you 2 are busy. Better to nip this headache bud and get on with your lives.

@bunny2023

I will tell DH to just get on with it but not to complain to me again about his brother not seeing the kids.

I agree with this.

.......but yet he calls me out constantly behind my back DH tells me.

I'd tell DH that I have no interest in what his brother says about me and to keep it to himself, I don't want to hear it.

YANBU after reading all the background. He has children with 4 women and you were never invited to any baby shower or birthday party where you could have met them formally. It soumds like your BIL is immature and irresponsible and put out you refuse to be part of his drama. Has your husband met all of them? I expect he despairs of his brother and his numerous dramas with 4 women mothers to his children. I wouldn't let my children meet at a house of any of his kids as you have not met the women, seen the house etc. It would be odd and a worry to be excluded in this way when it involves your twins. Any replies trying to say you are weird or as bad as BIL are illogical. He started the hostility and hasn't even invited you to anything like birthday parties. Is he younger than your DH? I wonder if, seeing as you and DH have been together since your teens, he has pathetic resentment against you and sees you as the female who monopolized his big bro and he can't grow up out of that! I'd let it all go and your husband can visit him, but no way would my twins be taken hpurs away to meet people you've never met and you be banned!

I also refused any of the mothers of his his numerous kids to meet DC when they were born as they are no relation to DC and I don’t want to be involved or getting DC involved in dramas with the mother of his children, - something he didn’t like.

There’s your answer.

So basically your BIL was always unwelcoming to you and had different restrictions and demands and when you applied the same rules he didn’t like it … What a surprise 😮

I think your post is a bit too long and complicated. I would divide the problem into parts.
If BIL wants to see your kids (and you and DH don’t mind, if you do it’s another matter and it’s not about the place then) you invite him to the house.
If you don’t want to invite him, DH finds another place to meet up.
If DH doesn’t want doing a long drive he suggests a closer place.
If BIL is not happy with a place, they try to find another.
If they can’t - tough life.

As to presents and parties I would start another thread as it’s a bit different.

I would just leave it all up to your husband - let him deal with his brother. Four mothers, ffs. Your husband should drive his brother to get a vasectomy.

He isn’t in a relationship with any of them so they aren’t DC aunties, they are just the mothers of the children.

They are still your kid's cousin's mothers though. Imposing a ban on them seeing your kids is arbitrary and pointless, and will only lead to questions in the future as you kids grow up and wonder why they can't meet certain family members.

It clearly works both ways. Banning people from seeing your kids because they aren't related is ridiculous. By that argument, kids should never meet their uncle's wives or aunt's husbands. Particularly if they're no married! You've imposed your own stupid rules, he's doing the same thing.

Why would babies be "getting involved in dramas" with their cousins' mothers?

Sorry I misread your post.

My first 2 paragraphs still stand. Despite what you say about 'not despising' him, it's obvious you don't like him. As is your privilege. And DH can take the DC to visit if he wants to do that. You don't need to go. I'm sure the DC will be perfectly fine 'in the care of' their own father.

Why does DH have to go to one of BiL's DC mother's house? Why wouldn't he take them to BiL's?

@bunny2023

You won't visit his home because you don't like him. He won't visit your home because he doesn't like you. Sounds pretty even-Steven to me, so what's your problem?

Is there a reason why your DH can't take the DC to visit BiL (assuming DH wants to do that)? At 20 mos they'd be able to tolerate a 90 minute drive, spend the day, then 90 minutes back. Or they could meet somewhere halfway.

The bit about his DC's mothers is irrelevant. If BiL wants his children to meet your children he can arrange that with your DH.

This sounds like a lot of fuss and effort.

Personally, I'd ignore it all and tell my DH to manage the relationship. His problem, not mine.

Always BIL and SIL too!

I can understand why you don't want to have to liaise with 4 different women, to facilitate their children meeting yours! Surely your BIL can bring his children to a mutual place to meet your children? You can't force him to come to your home, and he's made it clear that's not happening. He has made it known he doesn't like you, and in all honesty, it's his issue if he doesn't, not yours. As far as you're concerned you've done nothing wrong, other than marry your husband and have a family. I would leave it to your husband to make arrangements to see his brother with your children, if that means you don't go, then so be it. Take the opportunity to do something nice for yourself, and have a break.

It sounds like you positively despise eachother so why would he? And why would you want him to. He doesn't like you. You feel the same.

Just don't talk to him and forget he exists.

Whats with all the threads today from people moaning that family (or partners of family members) don't want to visit their children/babies?

I don't think its wierd at all that he doesn't want to come to your house to see your kids. You don;t like each other and you stopped the mothers of his kids from meeting your baby. Yet you say that you can't understand his attitude?

Maybe he just doesn't like other people's kids!