I interrupt MIL selfish monologues with yes I know, you told me this before.

SOME older adults do this!

I think if you haven't come across someone like this you can't really understand why telling them you've heard it before doesn't work. I don't know what does work except getting up and just walking away, which is rude. They don't seem to care that they are boring people or ruining the atmosphere. Their need to prattle on soars above the usual social conventions and no matter how many times you try to 'gently' shut them up and move on they either can't or don't want to go along with it. I do feel it's a kind of mental disorder - not so much the always turning things back to themselves which, as mentioned before, is sometimes a way that neurodiverse people try to show empathy and connection. It's more the inability to grasp what's going on when people are clearly telling them to stop. How can they not get it?

It's hard to be mean to an old person. You must have to let them be. Or avoid them.

Cut her off every single time. Do it with a gentle tinkly laugh or a smile if you want to soften it. Or don't. She's rude

"Emma, do you need to get your hearing checked, Peter was halfway through a sentence"

"Yes Emma, that's great. I'm sure you can tell us about it after Peter has finished telling his story"

"Sorry Peter, I missed what you were saying, could you start again please?"

"Oh Emma, you do have ants in your pants today"

"Sorry Emma, you'll have to tell me later, I'm listening to Peter"

"Oh yes, that's a fantastic story Emma, but I'm interested to hear Peter's news"

Could be a neurodiversity. If my husband knows something about something or has experience of something, he physically cannot NOT say. Even if he has told me before a million times. It's very VERY annoying, but he can't help himself, and he is aware that he does it, and so responds well to a 'Hang on - you're doing that thing again... Let so and so finish.' Even down to when I was testing our son for his GCSEs, if he knows the answer, he HAS to fucking say. So we make him leave the room.

Just saying she might not be being rude - it's just how conversation works for her. My husband's dad is the same.

I have much less tolerance for my mil telling me the same stories over and over and OVER again, but that's me being a bitch. She doesn't interrupt. She doesn't take over conversations. I know hers is because... I don't think she has anything else to talk about? I don't know. Anyway. Drives me to pure distraction listening to her tell me about the time she broke her leg for the billiontieth time.

My FIL is like this, it's draining. The last time he did it MIL was just out of hospital and was telling us the details of what the drs. had said...FIL butted in and told a story of how 40 years ago a dr once told him how wonderful he is, the healthiest man he'd ever come across blah blah blah, still never got to hear the details of what was wrong with MIL. Everyone just rolls their eyes but they say nothing. Occasionally MIL will let rip that she's talking but it never changes anything. It's constant.

BIL one time was talking about how his father died young due to a heart attack and FIL just cut him off to talk about horse racing. He has no awareness at all while everyone else is sitting cringing. STILL no-one says anything. I don't feel it's my place since it's DHs family. I feel it's up to them to challenge him.

He is much better one to one, he at least pretends to listen but if there's an audience ie more than one, it's a nightmare.

You can interrupt her all you like but it doesn’t sound like it’s going to stop her.

Gentle doesn't work with self-obsessed, boring people. If it did then I am sure OP would've stopped her prattling on years ago.

ODFOD with your #bekind. MIL is rude and selfish as hell.

OP the only question I'd have is why was she at the dinner anyway? You knew what she'd be like so this was an occasion to keep her out of it.

@5128gap Sorry, but this is terrible comment to make.

It was the OP's son big event.
People who let narcissistic personalities get away with their need to dominate every big event/ conversation, are enablers.

As a daughter of a narcissistic mother is very damaging.

OP next time try to say clearly this is about your son's big event and that you would like to focus in it. Don't let her ruin every moment. You are totally right putting some boundaries. Your husband can't as a consequence of his upbringing, but you do. It's important for your son and other members you do.

Congratulations on your son's graduation x

@8isgreat but there are unwritten rules for social interaction, this isn't a concept that @TheRubyPoet has just made up.

It is rude and annoying to have to witness a diatribe, and for someone to hijack the social gathering with their inner monologue. It is usual for people not toenjoy it, it is not polite, it is energy sapping and self centred and shows a lack of social awareness.

You might have a completely different way of doing things in your family, but it's not the accepted norm at a dinner gathering for one person to talk incessently and everyone to have to listen and enjoy it, because that's they way they are.

I do think that's quite rude, OP. She sounds unbearable so I'm not surprised it's come to this but it's a very abrupt response. Can you find a gentler way to say it?

You come across as rude, judgmental and unable to comprehend the OP’s point

Brava 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏😉

The best response is always 'Are you STILL going on about that?' Cuts them dead in their tracks and makes their intended audience 🤭

I Have a friend like this. It’s quite wearing. I think she is a bit self obsessed and anxious. I don’t admire it in her, but people close to us arent about ‘content providing’ are they. It’s about a sense of connection and being there, lives intertwined for long periods, it’s good to stay connected and practice live and let live. Open heartedness is a boon to everyone. I’d put my arm round MIL, give her a squeeze, and say ‘ it’s Josh’s big day today, let’s keep the focus on him! Have some more wine. “

I don't think you read the OP properly, which is often the case on MN.

I know neurodiverse people sometimes do this. My DC is in the system for screening and this is one of his traits - he will talk at you and at you if there's a topic he's passionately interested in (and he's interested in a lot). I've had Star Wars dinged in my ears like an ever-persistent bell for the past month - and before that it was science, tech and Tales of Ladybug ...

I'm doing as you do, trying to guide him to an understanding that conversations are two-way and when someone asks how his day was, he asks politely in return. It's hard, as I don't like to curb his enthusiasm, but as he was growing up this became our 'normal' and we're setting him up for future problems if we don't try gently to curb it.

OP's MiL is doing something a bit different in bringing every conversation around to herself. We've all met people who do this, along with the 'if you've been to the moon, I've been there twice' kind of person. It's very difficult to be around and in the end it's almost inevitable that people will avoid them.

I have students who do this. On occasion I have to leave one conversation-dominator in mid-flow so others can contribute. I have a duty to everyone, and he isn't the only neurodiverse student in that group. OP, I think you're right to try and nip it in the bud, and whilst your methods might seem a bit brutal it is hard to put up with this year after year after year. It will end up pushing you away - which I'm sure would be an even less desirable outcome for her.

Oh fuck. You're my SIL. One of us has to name change!

Or perhaps she’s had enough of being a sounding board to someone who is being rude herself ?

This post definitely brings out the people pleasers 😂 or maybe the ones who just talk about themselves …

My suggested approach...

"Well, in the end I decided to..."

"Did you decide to take chemistry and French?"

"...yes! Which was a problem because..."

"I imagine that the timetable wasn't set up for that combination."

"...that combination, no. But the French..."

"Hopefully the French teacher had taken a shine to you and she tutored you privately..."

"...yes, she did. She tutored me privately. But that meant..."

"Gosh you must have had to give up ballet."

"...yes..."

"Who knows what might have been, had you kept it up?"

"I might have become.."

"...a prima ballerina! Imagine! Anyway, back to Josh's graduation..."

If you can't tell her to STFU to allow your son his moment on his graduation, when can you?

She sounds insufferable.

I take it she's been living alone for quite some time?

My dad is getting more and more like this. Constantly interrupts and steamrolls his own boring repetitive topics / narratives. He can barely contain his frustration when someone else is speaking. It’s a bit like dealing with a small child. He is also going deaf and refuses a hearing aid. sigh.

I used to work with a colleague who used to just talk about himself . I used to just get bored and pretend I’m doing something and just throw in a couple of yeah , and still he would carry on . He would follow you around still rabbitting on about himself and no one was listening . The more you entertain her it’s only bothering you coz she’s unaware she’s being rude ..

Just say to her on that note let’s get the washing up done , or shall we get you a snack . She’s not listening to you , so why should you give her the courtesy of listening to her .