Ex being difficult about me seeing our child when he is in work

I worry that ex will involve his family and arrange for them to be with DS after school instead of me seeing him.

But that is the reality of 50/50. Your days with you or whoever is giving childcare and the same for ex.

Is it possible for you and your ex to sit down together with your DS to discuss what’s best for him? Do you both feel able to keep things calm and respectful so it doesn’t turn into an argument in front of him?

He’s old enough now to have a say and decide what feels right for him.

I’d definitely suggest starting with working out what 50/50 care would look like. From what I’ve seen, kids often just want things to feel fair and balanced between both parents - they really don’t want to feel stuck in the middle.

The most important thing is making sure the conversation doesn’t become about point-scoring or guilt-tripping - it needs to stay focused on what’s best for your DS, after all that's what it's about. Not the Child Benefit or UC.

How would he claim UC on 47,000 income?

Well the way he's being this early on, I think you may end up having to go to court. It doesn't sound like he's going to be reasonable.

If you have 50/50 then you don't have a right to see him on his Dads time and if his Dad is at work then it is up to his Dad what if any child care is in place. I would expect a 13 year old to be able to stay until 8 a couple of evenings a week. If the 13 year old wants to come to you and Dad is refusing then maybe you need to go back and get the custody arrangements changed. Ultimately if he doesn't listen to DS wants he will damage his relationship with him. If on the other hand DS is happy to stay on his own and it is you that is pushing for him to come to you then I don't think you can do much about it

It doesn't really sound as if you can avoid court really.

How absolutely ridiculous your ex is being. He’s putting his own feelings above that of his child. Yes, a 13 year old could stay home alone, but why would anyone want that if the child wants to spend time with the other parent who’s available. is he stopping you seeing your ds during HIS time, or would this be your 50% ? Sorry it’s not very clear

Are you now divorced? Has the financial order gone through? If not why have you moved out, another option is to move back in the marital home

Are you inviting your son to yours when he should be alone at dad’s?
Your ex is right about 13 being old enough to be home alone until 8pm. He’s also right that your son is legally old enough to choose how much contact he has with each parent. (Assuming UK) If ds said he wanted 100% dad 0% you then a court would allow that.

Personally I think it’s ridiculous for a child to be alone if there is another parent able to have them. Not necessarily to actively parent but just be available, talk about the day, eat dinner together type stuff. I share kids with my ex and they’d absolutely head over if I’m not here unless other plans even the soon to be 15yo. It’s fine for him to be alone at 13 but not every day and should be allowed to make his own, honest, choices without emotional manipulation.

If the agreement is 50/50 then it's his day and childcare options are upto him. I understand why you want to see your son and I personally would be happy for the other parent to have the child but it is his day. Is the agreement court ordered?

Has anyone asked the 13 year old what he wants to do?

I’m confused. Are you doing 50/50 successfully and you want to have you son as extra during your partners time or is he withholding your son so you’re getting less than 50/50?