Ex being difficult about me seeing our child when he is in work

Could you ask your son what he wants? I feel like he is old enough to have a say

for example if you’re having your son on Fridays to Mondays and your ex does Tuesday - Thursday but will be at work from the time DS is home from school until 8pm then I feel like DS can have a say in if he would prefer to be home alone until dads home and do himself dinner etc, or would he prefer his mum picking him up and doing dinner for him, help with homework etc

If he was 8 it would be different, 13 is old enough for a say imo

I read it as she is expecting her work days to be ex time and his work days to be her time but that isn't 50/50. 50/50 is 4 days one week 3 the next or 1 week with Mum 1 week with Dad.

You said the agreement was 50/50 in your OP
I believe that usually means no money paid by either side. How are you dividing property? (Assuming married)

How long would 13 year old be on his own for whilst his dad’s working? Can he make his own dinner etc

I've responded based on your OP in which it seems clear that you want your son on the father's day if the father is in work. YABU. It's not for you to interfere with the childcare decisions taken by father on his days. At 13 anyway he is old enought to be left on his own.

Your later posts seem to suggest that it's not that at all and that he is objecting to your son being with you on your days. Which doesn't make any sense so I'm sticking with my original view.

She doesn't say she wants him in ex's time. She says "When he’s working it would officially be my day to have DS and when I’m in work DS would stay with ex.".
I presumed ex wants son in her time to give him primary parent status to claim child benefit.

If the agreement is 50/50 (and I'm not saying it should be), then it is up to ex what happens on his time.

When it's your weekend - will you be happy if ex turns up and takes DS out for the day? Or would you expect that you are in charge of what happens in your time and that ex stays away?

I think you have to get something agreed formally. But you can't expect to just encroach on his time as and when you like without his agreement, whatever arrangements you make.

Is your ex concerned that if your son goes to your house after school and ex collects him at 8pm because it’s his night then ds will end up feeling resentful and annoyed at the palaver of switching at 8pm and would rather stay at yours as he’s already there? That could end up with you having an extra night be stealth iyswim.
As for paternal family watching ds instead, dad’s time is when they should see ds and ice he’s not happy alone then he’d have company.

At thirteen he probably enjoys his time alone. He's not a baby anymore.

If you enter 47,000 into a benefits calculator it says this is a very high salary and would be ineligible for benefits. (except child benefit). If you are living alone and not working you could claim but him having custody of your son wouldn't transfer the UC to him.

Benefit calculators are notoriously incorrect and inaccurate. You need to do a manual calculation based on his specific circumstances.

Be warned though - both of you can't claim for the same child, it will be one or the other.

I'd also be very hesitant about leaving the family home. You are putting yourself in a precarious position. 50/50 shared care can work, but not usually when one parent has shifts which change each week. The child needs stability, not things chopping and changing all the time.

I worry that ex will involve his family and arrange for them to be with DS after school instead of me seeing him.

This is exactly how it works when you split though; you organise childcare on your time, and he organises it on his. There’s no rule that the child automatically goes to their other parent.

You don't currently work and are moving out (to what?) with 50/50 child split does that mean you aren't entitled to any money from your ex either? It sounds like a vulnerable position to put yourself into.

That. You need someone impartial to help you all with through this. Trying to do it yourself isn't working already.

My kids often come to my house after school Ont he days where they then stay with their dad as I wfh most the week. We both live within walking distance to school. Why wouldn’t your son be with you if you’re home?

At 13 it'd your son's decision. Whilst he is old enough to be home alone, a teen, with parents divorcing mum moving out, would benefit from care/supervision. It's a very tricky age so I don't think it's wise to leave him alone for too long.

Do you have a new partner?

I would personally be looking in to mediation and legal help. It doesn’t sound like this can be dealt with between the two of you without it getting toxic.

He can inly claim UC if he’s earning under a set amount, it won’t necessarily be £400 either.

TBH if he’s being a twat already about contact, which is being driven by money, is not move out until you’ve got it all settled legally. It’ll only get worse when you’re not in the home as he’ll have the ability to be more of a twat

I would not leave the family home. I would not want my ex to be the primary carer and I think me leaving would be seen as that. Not clear if he's a husband or partner? I would rethink moving out until there is an arrangement you're totally happy with - and I still wouldn't move out tbh.