Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

Yeah. There are two engines that drive AIBU. One is quite benign, and the other one - the one you describe - isn't..

They generate about equal power.

If your child be themselves at home in their safe space, where can they?

your guests know there’s a child

I think it's basic courtesy to try to keep the noise down if the children are up before about 8 am but I wouldn't stop them playing or doing the usual things especially if they basically invited themselves!

Why would you let people (you barely know) invite themselves to your home? They’d be sent packing the cheeky cunts!

My friends dont gave kids
So whenever we stay at theirs or they have us we keep the kids distracted and quiet until around 7.30 after that its fair game

@StressedHost When you say that:

The reality was then of course different. They were disturbed by DC playing in the living area while they had long drawn out dinners at our kitchen table, the lie-ins, generally wanting to have long conversation over meals without DC interrupting.'

Do you mean that they actually complained about your DC playing in the living area of her own home and about your DC interrupting? If this is the case, how come you aren't absolutely incandescent with rage at their rudeness and sense of entitlement?

You may be colleagues in the same industry but you don't have to put up with this any more and surely other people in your industry would be more shocked at the behaviour from these cheeky fuckers than you telling them that the future visits aren't possible as they are too disruptive for your child?

You are being unreasonable to put up with this. Virtual strangers in your flat, using it as a base for sight seeing. No, just no. Don't let them stay again and let your kids do as they normally would whilst they are there.

I’m having trouble believing this is a real scenario tbh.
who does this kind of thing in reality?!

If this is genuine then needless to say your husband is 100% correct and you never should have agreed to it. It’s utterly absurd!

There is surely a middle ground here?

I’m mostly on the side of your DH. If you have guests that are happy to come and stay with you and avail themselves of free accommodation, they should adapt to your household. Your kids shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells and be silent the whole time.

Equally, I generally tell my kids not to be screaming and shouting early in the morning because it is inconsiderate to our neighbours, so I would expect the same consideration for house guests.

When we wake up, we read, draw or watch cartoons on a reasonable volume until it’s a reasonable time. Maybe 7.30/8 weekdays or 9 on a weekend. Then they can play noisier games. It’s not fair to expect them to stay quiet til 10am!!!

Errr...it. is your own child's home and you are making them uncomfortable to accommodate a couple you don't know all that well who have gatecrashed for a series of free mini breaks? You sound overly people-pleasing and I agree with your DH that this is not something to pass on to your child. It would be different if you had an elderly or sick relative staying, and you were teaching your child how to put someone else's needs before their own...but this is madness.

Are you mad? Yes try to minimise noise at 6am but go on with your life - make breakfast and really after 8am it’s make the usual noise!
How you accepted this arrangement (any chance you can change it?) is beyond me but if they want free lodging then they put up with the routine of the house. If they find the kids annoying then I’m sure there are plenty of hotels/airbnbs out there.
In fact, maybe making some noise will encourage them to shove off sooner.

They don't want to visit YOU, they want to use YOUR FLAT as a base, it doesn't matter how the arrangement came about, or if you are close to them or not, if they are coming to stay with you then THEY adapt to how YOU live, not the other way around! Good grief OP.

Why are you and DH rowing about it? Because he is being sensible and you are being ridiculous? It's happened, they are coming and you need to be on his team with this, if little one is up at 5:30 I think it would be polite to keep the noise minimal (no screaming or shouting etc) if you have guests till 7am, but after that it is all out normal household noise, if it wakes them up earlier than they wanted then they can stay in a hotel next time!

I can't believe you kept quiet and didn't even have a coffee until 10am last time!! and I can't believe you a rowing with your DH when he is talking such perfect sense!! Get a grip woman!!

I haven't read your updates, if there are any. I'm answering to your original post and seriously wondering why on earth are you asking this question.

You are receiving guests inviting themselves to your home. One is an ex-colleague and the other her boyfriend you haven't even met. The question is not whether you need to change your family everyday life for people who aren't your friends but why on earth did you accept their staying in your home when you didn't invite them?

If the people staying with you were your elderly parents or PIL people that often have problems with sleep, my answer would be different. I'd understand trying to be kind and control as much as possible a rambunctious child. But for these CFs? Why on earth would you do it?

Commenters getting the rush from collective outrage just being unnecessarily unpleasant.

The definitive tagline for Mumsnet 🤣
(I’m saying this partly tongue in cheek - I have also had very useful advice on here as well)

Tbh I'd tell them we were too busy for house guests! Reserve that privilege for family and genuine friends.

OP, you don't need a plan to keep your children quiet - you need to cancel their other stays - all of them. Do it today.

They are grossly over-stepping and you have more than fulfilled any sense of politeness or hospitality to this woman by putting them up for one weekend. The cheek of her bringing a complete stranger into your home.

Cancel them now - tell them it no longer works - don't give excuses that they can try to 'fix'. Put yourself and your family before this really rude and pushy pair!

Jesus. Please send this person an email since I could imagine doing it face to face/over the phone might be difficult for you.

Hi Sally,
It was very nice to meet (boyfriend) at the weekend, you seem so happy together - you make a lovely couple! I really enjoyed catching up with you over dinner.
I wanted to give you as much notice as possible that we're not going to be able to host you on the (date) to the (date), but please do let me know how you get on at the (work thing). I've heard good things about the (hotel name) on (road name)
Take care xxx

I feel for you in a sense, having agreed to let young adults I didn't know especially well stay in my house, then discovering they see me as a kind of parental figure and act accordingly. Actually DH is more of a people pleaser in that kind of context, which makes it trickier to point out that they are in their twenties and I don't want to be their mummy. Anyway. Point these CFs in the direction of the nearest hotel if they can't take you as they find you.

Oh my God OP uninvite them, say it didn't work last time because of your kids and was too stressful but you're sure they'll find a nice Airbnb, you had a lovely time but you can't do it again. Christ she can't cause you career issues because you refused to host her, her partner and her fucking entitled demands for long weekends in your own home! Who gives a fuck if you have to work with her again. Please OP not only advocate for yourself but your family! They don't deserve to be treated like shit by a stranger in their own homes. It will damage your relationship with your OH if you ignore his concerns.

I can see you've taken what's been said on board! I wouldn't let my kid go in and wake guests unless it was actual family staying, but I wouldn't be put off using the kitchen or other parts of the flat. It's your home, not a hotel.

I never understand posts where guests have "invited themselves" to stay overnight or multiple nights at someone's house. Erm, no, they may have suggested it but you agreed. You said yes, you arranged the dates and you let them in. You're acting as though you had no agency in the matter at all.

It is not their fault if you don't want them there.

Anyway, as a child-free person who is not overly keen on general child noise - no, you don't need to keep your children quiet and out of my way if I'm staying with you. I know you have children, if I'm close enough to you to stay at your house then I know what your children are like, and it's my job to deal with those things. If it was me you wouldn't have to worry about them waking me up as I'm a naturally early riser anyway. Just don't expect me to play with them and we're good!

I’m with your husband, if they don’t like your child’s noise they stay elsewhere! FYI not your guests either if you didn’t invite them

They were disturbed by DC playing in the living area while they had long drawn out dinners at our kitchen table, the lie-ins, generally wanting to have long conversation over meals without DC interrupting.

This is crazy OP, they are CFs. Did they even offer for you to have dinner with them? You have plenty of time between now and the end of the month, they can find other accommodation.

Edited for typo

If you want to be extra kind, keep the noise down and stay out of the kitchen until 7:30. But keeping your child quiet until 10am and feeding him cookies for breakfast is extreme, so on that basis YABU.

I would have told them at the start that DS wakes up at 6:30, so they might hear you in the kitchen. Then they could choose to stay on your terms or go to a hotel. Definitely don’t inconvenience your family for the sake of some acquaintances.

Let your child make as much noise as they want and hopefully they won’t want to come back and take advantage again!!