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AIBU?

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Original poster

Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

463 replies

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 09:11

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

OP posts:
DancyNancy · 10/07/2025 12:32

F**k that 😂 not a hope. They sound like CF to be honest

Blueberrymuffinsforthewin · 10/07/2025 12:30

I would be cancelling the planned future visits and just say it's too small a space for that many people.

AngryBird6122 · 10/07/2025 12:29

dont make your own Ds uncomfortable in his own home to please these cfs

Pottedpalm · 10/07/2025 12:29

Good grief! Carry on with your life and they might piss off sooner 😬

BellaVita · 10/07/2025 12:28

Fuck that!

They have imposed themselves on you., so they need to fit in with your lifestyle with children.

BellaVita · 10/07/2025 12:28

Fuck that!

They have imposed themselves on you., so they need to fit in with your lifestyle with children.

CantFollowInstructions · 10/07/2025 12:27

Your poor child! I would never expect my three year old to accommodate guests to that extent.

We had someone staying at ours a few months ago - a good friend, not a random acquaintance. She's child-free but when she came to stay she knew perfectly well that a young child lives here! Obviously I would never let her run riot and constantly annoy a guest but I certainly didn't keep her out of her own living room until 10 a.m.! The first few days she was at nursery anyway so we got up as usual and my friend went back to sleep after we left. At the weekend my daughter isn't allowed in the living room bed 7 anyway - if she wakes up earlier she can come in our bed but she has to lie back down until "morning" (before 7 I tell her it's still night time). While our guest was here I got my daughter her milk when she woke up and encouraged her to drink it in her bedroom. At 8 a.m. we went through to the living room where she could say hello to our guest then watch her weekend TV programmes (Bing and Hey Duggee) while the guest had a coffee and woke up a bit. She is of course expected to let guests have a drink, eat in peace, let them have a conversation with me, etc. And if they don't want to play with her/read her a story she doesn't get to whine or shout. But I absolutely would not be feeding her cookies for breakfast or keeping her trapped in her room for anyone's sake! Any "guest" that isn't okay with that level of compromise isn't welcome here!

Original poster
StressedHost · 10/07/2025 12:27

thepariscrimefiles · 10/07/2025 11:58

@StressedHost When you say that:

The reality was then of course different. They were disturbed by DC playing in the living area while they had long drawn out dinners at our kitchen table, the lie-ins, generally wanting to have long conversation over meals without DC interrupting.'

Do you mean that they actually complained about your DC playing in the living area of her own home and about your DC interrupting? If this is the case, how come you aren't absolutely incandescent with rage at their rudeness and sense of entitlement?

You may be colleagues in the same industry but you don't have to put up with this any more and surely other people in your industry would be more shocked at the behaviour from these cheeky fuckers than you telling them that the future visits aren't possible as they are too disruptive for your child?

No they just looked at me expecting to take DC away when they were playing a bit too loudly. Due to very different dinnertimes (we like to eat early together with DC), they were still eating while DC was playing in the living area after dinner.
The second evening we just took DC to the playground after we had finished eating. DC was happy to go out in the evening and have slightly later bedtime (we normally don't do this), and they were able to enjoy their meal in peace

OP posts:
waterrat · 10/07/2025 12:24

this is actually fairly extreme people pleasing. Read some books on assertiveness!

waterrat · 10/07/2025 12:23

I honestly think op you would be doing these young people a favour if you stopped pandering to them immediately.

JustSawJohnny · 10/07/2025 12:22

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 12:18

I think this nails it. I feel kind of like a parental figure for her in some ways...I trained her on some aspects of our job at my old org. Also I know that they being still junior at work are much less better off than me, and would probably not have the money to just go to a hotel in our expensive city.
Also, the last time, the BF had already booked his train ticket when his visit was announced, so I felt I could not say no anymore.
I also try to be understanding in the sense that in your 20s, you are probably not aware that young kids wake early, have dinner early and can be noisy. So probably they thought they really like kids and are "morning people" (I guess getting up at 10 am could qualify you as a "morning person" in your 20s?).
They also never directly told DC anything, they just looked at me with this expectant look that I make DC be quiet when he was too noisy during their meals.

Show quote history

It's like you're not hearing what people are saying.

This is ALL ridiculous, including your 'reasoning' above.

Come oooooon OP!

If you don't grow a spine now they'll keep coming again and again.

It's not fair on your loved ones at all. You are beiong so unreasonable it's actually shocking.

Your poor DH, honestly.

DaisyChain505 · 10/07/2025 12:21

Next time she asks to stay you say that you’re sorry but it really doesn’t work for you to have guests anymore. If she decides to still stay local in a hotel you’d love to meet up for a coffee!

anotherside · 10/07/2025 12:20

“They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city”.

i don’t get this, you can’t “invite yourself” to stay in someone’s home, even more so if they have kids. Next time just say “it would be lovely to see you, but unfortunately our place won’t work - here’s a couple of good hotel suggestions”. And then maybe treat them to drinks/lunch.

KassandraOfSparta · 10/07/2025 12:19

DH is pissed (rightly so) with me for inviting them

You DID NOT INVITE THEM! You said she ASKED to stay with you, that is completely different. And then once you'd agreed, she announced she'd be bringing her boyfriend too.

Seriously woman. Grow a backbone.

Original poster
StressedHost · 10/07/2025 12:18

TheodoraCrumpet · 10/07/2025 11:41

I feel for you in a sense, having agreed to let young adults I didn't know especially well stay in my house, then discovering they see me as a kind of parental figure and act accordingly. Actually DH is more of a people pleaser in that kind of context, which makes it trickier to point out that they are in their twenties and I don't want to be their mummy. Anyway. Point these CFs in the direction of the nearest hotel if they can't take you as they find you.

I think this nails it. I feel kind of like a parental figure for her in some ways...I trained her on some aspects of our job at my old org. Also I know that they being still junior at work are much less better off than me, and would probably not have the money to just go to a hotel in our expensive city.
Also, the last time, the BF had already booked his train ticket when his visit was announced, so I felt I could not say no anymore.
I also try to be understanding in the sense that in your 20s, you are probably not aware that young kids wake early, have dinner early and can be noisy. So probably they thought they really like kids and are "morning people" (I guess getting up at 10 am could qualify you as a "morning person" in your 20s?).
They also never directly told DC anything, they just looked at me with this expectant look that I make DC be quiet when he was too noisy during their meals.

OP posts:
JustSawJohnny · 10/07/2025 12:18

Do you have a tendency to be a bit of a people- pleasing doormat, OP? I'm not trying to be rude but this is insane!

These people are CF's who have created quite the imposition, for SEVERAL weekends even though you are not close, and you think your entire family should be inconvenienced IN THEIR OWN HOME even though they have had zero say in the matter?!

Wake up, OP.

As a Mother, it's your job to put your family first.

Cookies and silence for breakfast. WTF.

stayathomer · 10/07/2025 12:16

Personally I’d say there’s a middle ground, I always remember my sister shushing her kids if they do much as moved when we stayed over (before we had kids lol!) and when I told her it was fine she just talked to them and told them not to be really noisy in the mornings. As long as they’re not clashing saucepans or turning the telly up to 100 I’d say they’re fine

Y2ker · 10/07/2025 12:13

Are you crazy??? Firstly why the hell did you let two people you barely know (one who you don't know at all) invite themselves to stay in your home??? And secondly why would you bend over backwards for them?? This is nuts.

Daleksatemyshed · 10/07/2025 12:12

So basically as you were her mentor at work she thinks you'll let her stay and take care of her? I know she's quite young but quite old enough for you to be straight with her Op _ you only agreed to one stay of two days, no boyfriend, no extra four days, no taking over your house. Tell her the visit caused problems at home and she'll have to find somewhere else to stay in future. It doesn't matter if she thinks you're petty, it's not her decision.
I get the feeling she may have been overindulged in the past and expects too much, time for her to grow up and pay her own way. If you don't say No now you'll be hosting her, her DP and her future DC for years

CandidRaven · 10/07/2025 12:11

No because they wouldn't be in my house , you aren't even friends?! Why are they staying at your house?

Lavenderflower · 10/07/2025 12:11

I think in general is helpful to teach your children courtesy, however, these guest invited themselves to your home. You should carrying on with your day as normal.

Squishymallows · 10/07/2025 12:09

This is crazy. My husband wouldn’t even want friends staying this often let alone former colleagues who aren’t even spending time with you

Tafal · 10/07/2025 12:08

Why are these people even in your house??

LittleArithmetics · 10/07/2025 12:07

Wow, they're absolute chancers regardless of what you do in the mornings.

levampire · 10/07/2025 12:06

Perhaps a white lie, as you are so averse to causing upset and want to keep work relations cordial for the future? Text her that, for example, your MIL is coming to stay for the forseeable, so you won't be able to have her stay there after all (on her three next "booked" and ten next planned free vacations at hotel you). I think she is utterly taking advantage of your good nature.