Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

I would tell her, you agreed to letting her stay for a couple of nights but you and H felt uncomfortable with an unknown male staying and it was too much of a strain keeping your child quiet. That you and H feel you can’t extend your hospitality for any future requests.

I clocked you are being unreasonable purely on the basis that you letting them stay is unreasonable when one is a former colleague and you don't know the partner. That's bonkers

You need to let them have the full child experience, in fact up it a bit, send the little one in to visit them nice and early with a musical instrument.

They might decide to cancel future visits. Fingers crossed.

I'd keep any running around, jumping and shouting to a minimum until probably 8am ish. Other than that, no. Life as normal would continue.

Well more fool you. Want to stay in my house? You need to fit in with our lives.

Yes be considerate at like 6am but this just sounds bonkers. But are you absolutely sure they were actually looking at you that way or were you just projecting your discomfort on to them?

You're not a parental figure to them.

You're the pushover who provides them free lodging at the expense of your resentful husband and your poor son who can't even get a decent breakfast and is punished by having to stay out of the common area

You aren't single. This isn't just your house. You brought in an adult male who is a complete stranger into your child's home.

Why are you treating a rude coworker and a stranger better than you own family?

It's wonderful that our DC has suddenly developed an interest in music...his rendition of "Londons Burning" on the recorder at 3am really is something special. We can still host, but you might need earplugs...
^Try this. 😉

I’d just cancel the further visits , tell them that you’ve had to take in a family member so won’t be able to have them now if you don’t want to be honest .

She's a CF and she has the measure of you, a total doormat.

For goodness sake text her that something has come up and it no longer suits you.

Your poor family.

Here you are:

Dear [acquaintance],

Your request to stay further nights at our house is noted.

Having consulted with my husband, and carefully considered the matter, I refer you to the response given in Arkell v. Pressdram.

Yours sincerely,
…

Is that ‘diplomatic’ enough?

This is absolute madness.

Someone ask if they could stay at your home free of charge, then they bought along another guest that you’d never met before and then you’re hurrying out of your home with your children to give them peace!

I don't have kids, if I am visiting friends or family with kids I wouldn't expect them to hide away or silence their kids. Just let things be how they normally are!

Why would you feel like a parental figure to an adult ex colleague, while not giving enough importance to your own DH and small child living at home?

You seem too focussed on pleasing how your colleague is going to feel instead how your DH and child are going affected by trying to keep them quiet. They invited themselves to your home, you don't even know the boyfriend ...but somehow you feel like a parental figure. Seriously?

You seem more invested how you are perceived by other people than the needs of your family. Your personal boundaries are off.

I really understand you OP.

I live in a very popular tourist town that has a number of popular festivals over the summer. We have had people use us as a base (under the guise of 'wanting to catch up') for nigh on 20 years. Just short- 18 years because in 2023 I finally put my foot down. I got so bloody sick of freeloaders and chancers and people who we never heard from until about April when they rang up to say 'hi' and happened to mention before ringing off they'd be down our way.

i put up with it for years- because they were DH's 'friends' and because i moved into his house. I would give up precious annual leave for these festivals that I wanted to attend and found myself playing hostess.

Last year was the worst year. We had 16 visitors over the course of 4 weeks. Only one set took us out for a meal. Only one other set gave us a hostess gift of a bottle of wine and then drank it themselves. I said enough.

This is what I have said to the requests this year.... ;

'Oh how lovely you will be down our way. Let us know a day you have free and we will meet you in town for lunch'.

'Oh, so sorry, pity you can't stay as you have just asked me - but i CAN point you in the direction of a couple of decent B &Bs but you better book quickly!'

'Sorry, we are not hosting guests this year'.

And my favourite for one who was particularly reluctant to take a polite 'no' as an answer; 'Frankly. we got sick of people taking the piss so we don't have ANYONE to stay anymore at all as a blanket policy'.

It's joyful. I have so far employed each of the above. I have a particularly hard case that keep 'suggesting' and putting feelers out and who has been told NO but I expect she think she will wear me down. She won't. She's a selfish freeloading guest anyway and we learned the hard way the last time.

For you, you could say ; 'Sorry, the flat is too small for guests but if you look on tripadvisor you can probably find something'.

I know you have 'agreed' to 4 days at the end of the month and you might need DH's acquiescence to get through that, but if you are able to please consider saying 'No, it was too disruptive last time and i know you found it difficult because ... [insert reason]... '.

But nip it in the bud. Otherwise you will have your colleague's parents asking to stay sometime while they see the sights. (We have actually had this...)

@StressedHost Next visits?
Tell them it didn't work for you. Your DC didn't sleep/settle well.
You are not friends with these people. Stop it - your DC, OH and you are more important than their visit.
They can book a hotel if they want, or stay at home.

DH and I don't have kids, and wouldn't dream of imposing on someone else - with or without DC.
We'd book a hotel.

WTA??? What's the upside for you for having them stay? They invited themselves!?! Again....WTAF?

Just had a memory of when my niece and nephew were small. We used to sleep on a sofa bed downstairs. They would come down at some ungodly hour while their parents were still asleep, crawl under it and pummel us from the bottom laughing hysterically 😂 They’re grown up now but it’s a great memory that they still talk about.

Childfree here.

Since they aren't good friends, I'd continue as normal if I was you.
If you were my close mate, I'd love you if you let me have a bit of lie in, but otherwise would expect your family life to continue as normal, not a quiet house just for me.

Did you drop a little curtsey as you relegated the child to the far corner of the flat? For heavens sake, let them ‘look’ all they want and simply ignore them. This has to be one of the silliest situations. If you think of yourself as her mentor, you should have some confidence. It’s your home and your family home. They don’t like it, there’s plenty of hotels.

oh come on, i know we like to blame husbands/dads for everything her, but the OP has got herself (and her family) in this situation.

And if he had said "no" it would be seen as controlling wouldnt it?

You are letting them impose on you, change your schedule and tiptoe around them. Why would you do that? You don't owe her anything at all. It's your child's home and he has the right to enjoy living in it.

"A parental figure"?? Don't be daft OP, you are a work colleague who provided her with some training in a professional capacity. In no way whatsoever are you a parental figure. Stop trying to rationalise this completely ridiculous scenario that you have inflicted upon your family.

I don’t have children and when I stay with friends who do I expect to be woken up! Same if they stay in my house. My 4yo godson wakes up very early and is a very full-on little boy but I want to spend time with him so I go with his schedule. If that means sitting bleary-eyed with my cup of tea while he repeatedly puts out the ‘fire’ in my mug with his paw patrol fire engine then so be it!

Personally I would be encouraging the kids to play as noisily as possible so next time they book an Airbnb!