Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

They could have looked at me as expectantly as they liked. I would have done nothing about it except possibly remind them that they had chosen to impose themselves onto a home with a child so this is what they could expect. It is the child's home too.

Yes, I would tell them that they had "imposed themselves" to ensure that they realised just what an imposition it actually was and that they wouldn't do it again. If that meant that they got the hump with me and decided to up sticks and leave at that point then so much the better. Win, win!!

I’m actually not sure what they have done that is wrong? Most of it seems to stem for your interpretation of their actions. You said she 'implied' you would be inflexible if they couldn’t stay. Are you sure you didn't just infer that? They’ve asked and you agreed. Sometimes I think there is a weird gulf between those who are happy to ask and those who think it’s rude to do so.

They haven’t actually asked you to keep DC quiet while they are in bed and they 'looked' at you like they expected you to keep DC quiet while you were talking but I’m always a bit 🤨 at people who can read so much into a look. Perhaps they were pausing the conversation to allow you chance to respond to your DC.

Have to say though that the problem is not that they are 'childless' but that they are cheeky and you have no boundaries! Parents might have been more like to expect an early start to the day, but that really isn't the main problem.

I think I'd try to keep the DC a little quieter when they get up, perhaps an activity with headphones. But I wouldn't go to town on it - they have chosen to come to you, knowing you have young children, and it's a really useful base for them by the sounds of it. If the kids are noisy and wake them up when they have a hangover, them's the breaks, I'm afraid.

I don’t have kids and if I stayed at someone’s house and they had kids I wouldn’t expect you to rein them in at all! Tell them the offer no longer stands and they can Airbnb it! CFs!

Next time someone "invites themselves" to your home, party, holiday, etc, use the approved Mumsnet response.
Repeat after me "No, that doesn't work for us" (friendly smile or tinkly laugh optional).

No it’s your child’s home. I would maybe try to keep them quiet-ish until about 07:30/8 but definitely not until 10am. If they don’t like it they can get a hotel.

I think there’s a happy medium. Keep the DC out of their room and keep noise to a minimum before say 7:30. But thereafter is a perfectly normal time to be up and going about your usual morning routine. TV, coffee maker, shower, hairdryer etc. are all perfectly acceptable noises (and might encourage your guests to get up earlier and not treat your home as their private doss-house!).

Seriously? You need to look for an assertiveness workshop and practice saying either 'We can't have you to stay, our flat is too small', or 'You can stay if you like but be warned things get noisy before 7am so no chance of a lie - in.' Delaying your normal breakfast for hours was ridiculous.
FWIW, we recently had a request from an old acquaintance to stay for a weekend while she was 'in the area' and I said it wasn't possible because putting up guests is too difficult these days for a number of reasons. It was hard to say, but a huge relief. I recommend it.

I might be courteous if the child was up exceptionally early as i would be gor anyone else. I would NOT be keeping them quite during the day or meal times (other than what we'd normally do).

Hopefully they will moan because at that point I think I'd recind all future offers as 'obviously not working for you and your family, and them'. !

Never had more pals inviting themselves to stay than when I lived in central Edinburgh. Never saw most of them again when I moved elsewhere. Couldn’t imagine tolerating this now.

I think maybe I’d attempt to make adjustments but not to the extent that it affected my child. So maybe reminders to use an indoor voice and close doors to the room they are in, but not constant shushing or changes to their schedule that aren’t of benefit to them.

More succinct than my post, but this, 100%

@Thulpelly completely disagree.

They are not guests. They are CFs in OP's tiny flat. In no way should OP change any of her normal lifestyle to facilitate their FREE lodging.

If a 6 YO wakes up at 5:30am it is bloody ridiculous to try to keep them quiet for 2 and a half hours.

You have two single, unencumbered, employed adults that you are bending over backwards to accommodate. I really think you should contact them and state clearly that while it was lovely to have them visit recently/last time, you’re afraid that it really didn’t work for your young family and you will have to ask them to book to stay elsewhere. It’s not as if they need to cancel flights etc - they can book a hotel/BnB or go elsewhere.

You do not need to feel obliged to have them back again in order to maintain the relationship… would your ex colleague be coming to visit you if you lived in Grimsby or a Birmingham suburb? Does she ask you to come and visit her? If you feel the answer to that is no, then you know they are simply making use of your location for a cheap holiday.

They are cheeky fuckers.
Cancel any further stays.
Who invites themselves to colleagues homes for holiday weekends?
I can't believe you are this gullible.

I think it’s a balance, 6am - 10am is too much.
I think being quiet before 8am is reasonable.

But If it’s an inconvenience (based on the first weekend being stressful!) you do need to say you can’t let them stay again.

I've nothing to say about the children/etiquette issue, because I can't get past the fact that you've got people staying who you're not friends with or related to, who invited themselves, who move the goalposts about the terms of the stay and who do things like booking tickets before they've even asked you if they can come.

@StressedHost We can help you.

Tell us what you would like to happen - even if you think you will be coming across as rude to these CFers.

At the moment you are wringing your hands with no action. We can help you find your words without negative ramifications on your standing in your industry.

Very bizarre to allow them to stay in your flat when you barely know them, let alone trying to keep your kids out of their way. Just say no.

I think you just live your normal life. They are getting free accommodation and if they want a different ‘ambience’ then they should go elsewhere

If I was too much of a wet lettuce to tell someone I barely know or like that they can't stay at mine for free, I sincerely hope I would be able to muster up enough passive-aggression to do some loud DIY or something. Give that child a saucepan and a wooden spoon!

wrong fred. oops.

So a child has to change their behaviour in their own home when fully grown adults do whatever the hell they like.

If this is not a reverse, or made up, then you need to grow a pair.

’I’m sorry that doesn’t work for us-I hope you get somewhere booked’ is a complete sentence.