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AIBU?

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Original poster

Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

463 replies

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 09:11

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

OP posts:
PeloMom · 10/07/2025 17:26

BadActingParsley · 10/07/2025 10:43

I’d also cancel their future visits. Something unavoidable has come up….

A flood in the guest room/ urgent repairs needed etc

FrazzledFTworkingMum · 10/07/2025 17:21

I'm confused...why don't you tell them the other visits wont work for you? This is a huge imposition all across the summer and it's fair enough to say no.

Muffinmam · 10/07/2025 17:20

What sort of mother let’s a colleague and her partner stay in her home with very young children??

What’s wrong with you???

carpool · 10/07/2025 17:19

I think I would let the child make as much noise and be as annoying as humanely possible so that they won't want to come again!

Frenchbluesea · 10/07/2025 17:19

Let children be children. Especially in their own home. Your guests can stay elsewhere if they don’t like it

whatcanthematterbe81 · 10/07/2025 17:17

I always keep the noise down a bit but don’t make my children suffer for it. I’ve taken out for breakfast as a treat kind of thing. Same in my sisters house I will make my kids be quiet there and bribe with tv until af least 8 . I’m very sensitive to noise so that makes me a bit paranoid but I’m also considerate

rainbowsparkle28 · 10/07/2025 17:16

Kindly, you are being ridiculous. They were fully aware you have a child in the home and presumably they are benefiting from not having to fork out for accommodation so they will have to suck it up. You carry on with your life and they will have to work around you given you are in your own home. Otherwise they can find a hotel / make alternative arrangements if they want a lie in 🤷‍♀️

YellowBlueStar · 10/07/2025 17:14

I can't believe that your guest invited herself and then her boyfriend to stay. They are taking advantage of you. They must expect noise if they are staying in a family home - if they don't like it, they can find somewhere else to stay. If you pander to them, they will just keep inviting themselves more.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 10/07/2025 17:11

If they're staying with you then they adapt to your life. It's unfair to try to restrict a 6yo in their own home.

If the guests complain then they can get online and book a hotel airb&b or something nearby

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/07/2025 17:11

Also, I wouldn't say you will be away when they next want to visit because they'll probably say that's fine, just leave a key.

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/07/2025 17:08

Stop adjusting your life, and your child, to make them more comfortable. I think 6.30 am is quite early but they have invited themselves! Carry on with your lives as normal, they're not forced to stay with you. If you don't feel you can uninvite them for the next visit, can you at least say you understand if they want to sort their own accommodation as you know your child wakes early, plays loudly etc.

squashyhat · 10/07/2025 17:03

I am childfree and no way would I expect anyone who I was staying with who had young children to keep them quiet. I remember staying with some friends many years ago and they kindly let us have their bed. Their 3 year old screamed the place down when he came into the room at 3am expecting to get into bed with Mummy ancd Daddy. As far as I know it didn't scar him for life Grin

Edited for typo

averylongtimeago · 10/07/2025 16:59

Good grief woman- the only ones being unreasonable are your houseguests!

Its a little more difficult as she’s a colleague, so you can’t just tell them to bugger off if they don’t like it, but do you know when they next want to visit? Because you are very busy aren’t you? Mil (your DS, insert likely person of choice) is coming to stat for an unspecified amount of time. Or you are visiting them, or going for a surprise getaway.

The most you can do to accommodate them is to perhaps keep the kitchen area quiet until 7am- but why are you creeping round without coffee until 10?
Ignore the pointed looks about your child, or be passive aggressive and make remarks along the lines of “oh darling Freddie is so cute when he sings and dances to his favorite song” or better still, have Cbbies on and join in the sing along.
With any luck that will put them off from returning!

Did they bring any goodies with them? Flowers, wine, treat foods? Are they taking you out for a lovely meal to say Thankyou?

MomsGotInk · 10/07/2025 16:56

No chance would I be doing without coffee for hours & giving my kid cookies for breakfast so as not to disturb uninvited guests- if they value peace/lie ins that much they should have been less tight fisted & paid for a hotel! 🤨

Fireflybaby · 10/07/2025 16:52

I would probably try not to make a lot of noise at 6am, but i would definitely have a coffee and feed the child. From 8 am I would definitely start making the normal household noises and get on with the day . That way you're being mindful of early hours and guests but it's your house, they knew you have a child and I'm sure they didn't have quiet time expectations. Just get on with your day

Northeastmammy · 10/07/2025 16:50

You barely know the colleague outside of work and don’t know the boyfriend… yet they can stay with your child? Surely from a safety point of view this is crazy? I think you need a backbone on what’s acceptable for your child. It’s their home and their safe space. They deserve better than made to be quiet and cookies for breakfast for crying out loud! The colleague can pay for a hotel next time. They’ve invited themselves because you’re a pushover. Sorry it sounds harsh but your kid comes first.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 10/07/2025 16:47

Make as much noise as you can and with any luck they’ll find an excuse not to come for the second stay.

Branwells77 · 10/07/2025 16:43

I don’t know what I’m more shocked about the fact that your not really friends with one of them and had never met the BF
they invited themselves to stay
or your trying to keep your child quiet in his own home and to top it off it sounds like you haven’t got a great deal of space to start with.
You absolutely do not keep your child quiet in his own home
Theres no chance I would be waiting 4 hours for my first cuppa of the day or feeding my child cookies for breakfast so you don’t disturb the CFs who have invited themselves to stay I’m with DH on this one you carry on your daily routine as usual if they don’t like it they are more than welcome to pay to stay elsewhere.

Kelz40 · 10/07/2025 16:36

Am I reading this right? This is your house! Your child’s home!!! Your child, or you shouldn’t have to tip toe around anyone. They certainly wouldn’t be inviting themselves to stay with me for free if I were in that situation!! And I certainly wouldn’t be pussyfooting around them either!
My house, my rules. Pay to stay and keep quiet or leave. Simple as that! Next time id tell them they couldn’t stay as the spare room is now a play room for your child!!

Hungrysalmon87 · 10/07/2025 16:35

I think you've got your answer basically; the internet has spoken

Sweetpea59 · 10/07/2025 16:17

Carry on with life as normal! Why make your children stay quiet for half the day when they basically invited themselves? It's their home! If they don't like it tell them to find a hotel & stop being a people pleaser

Valeriekat · 10/07/2025 16:12

Can!

Valeriekat · 10/07/2025 16:12

outerspacepotato · 10/07/2025 12:45

You're not a parental figure to them.

You're the pushover who provides them free lodging at the expense of your resentful husband and your poor son who can't even get a decent breakfast and is punished by having to stay out of the common area

You aren't single. This isn't just your house. You brought in an adult male who is a complete stranger into your child's home.

Why are you treating a rude coworker and a stranger better than you own family?

This is something I have had to remind myself of a few times when being presented with CF erness. It isn’t just my home and how would my children and husband feel. Without even asking them I can’t have a pretty good idea!

Sunflowersinthesummer · 10/07/2025 16:04

Please cancel any future planned visits eg
Dear Mary

I’m just texting you to let you know we won’t be able to accommodate you next time you are in the area. Stephen and I have discussed it as Max is up early and it is a bustling small flat and we find it too much having people other than close family to stay. I would however be happy to meet you for a coffee or take Max to the park and go for a walk (so he can run off stream). Hope you appreciate this. Thanks Jane.

sueelleker · 10/07/2025 15:46

TwiceForLunch · 10/07/2025 12:40

I really understand you OP.

I live in a very popular tourist town that has a number of popular festivals over the summer. We have had people use us as a base (under the guise of 'wanting to catch up') for nigh on 20 years. Just short- 18 years because in 2023 I finally put my foot down. I got so bloody sick of freeloaders and chancers and people who we never heard from until about April when they rang up to say 'hi' and happened to mention before ringing off they'd be down our way.

i put up with it for years- because they were DH's 'friends' and because i moved into his house. I would give up precious annual leave for these festivals that I wanted to attend and found myself playing hostess.

Last year was the worst year. We had 16 visitors over the course of 4 weeks. Only one set took us out for a meal. Only one other set gave us a hostess gift of a bottle of wine and then drank it themselves. I said enough.

This is what I have said to the requests this year.... ;

'Oh how lovely you will be down our way. Let us know a day you have free and we will meet you in town for lunch'.

'Oh, so sorry, pity you can't stay as you have just asked me - but i CAN point you in the direction of a couple of decent B &Bs but you better book quickly!'

'Sorry, we are not hosting guests this year'.

And my favourite for one who was particularly reluctant to take a polite 'no' as an answer; 'Frankly. we got sick of people taking the piss so we don't have ANYONE to stay anymore at all as a blanket policy'.

It's joyful. I have so far employed each of the above. I have a particularly hard case that keep 'suggesting' and putting feelers out and who has been told NO but I expect she think she will wear me down. She won't. She's a selfish freeloading guest anyway and we learned the hard way the last time.

For you, you could say ; 'Sorry, the flat is too small for guests but if you look on tripadvisor you can probably find something'.

I know you have 'agreed' to 4 days at the end of the month and you might need DH's acquiescence to get through that, but if you are able to please consider saying 'No, it was too disruptive last time and i know you found it difficult because ... [insert reason]... '.

But nip it in the bud. Otherwise you will have your colleague's parents asking to stay sometime while they see the sights. (We have actually had this...)

I read a story about a woman who lived in a pretty seaside town, and had this problem. When a "friend" phoned and said she wanted to visit, she told them ,truthfully, that she'd moved to an industrial town in the Midlands. Suddenly the visit wasn't forthcoming.