Page 3 | Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

StressedHost · 2025-07-10T08:11:35+00:00

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual? I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child. For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances). We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am. We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker). The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far. YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable. YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal. We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

Original poster

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 20:03

Notouchingmybhuna · 10/07/2025 19:06

How does your husband feel about this new plan of yours? Does he get any say?

DH was mostly annoyed with the keeping DC quiet bit of the visit. We discussed the plan forward and he had a say in it. He thinks it is unfair if I don’t let them come for the already planned visits, after I initially agreed. They have already booked tickets, etc. But he will not do anything for them anymore ( the last time, he sat with them for at least one hour to plan sight seeing tours). We will never host them again after the 4 day August visit. If they ask, we agreed on an”excuse” we will tell them (a relative that needs to stay at ours every Saturday starting from September for a continuing education course. This is even true, except that the relative will stay once a month max).

OP posts:

Distracteddistraction · 10/07/2025 19:59

I would avoid excessive noise, v loud toys shouting etc. But play quietly and definitely make coffee/ breakfast when you would normally. I would letting him jump on their bed at 6am, this happened to us pre-kids when staying at close friends of my husband. We didn’t mind but if less child friendly then avoid that, or early morning drum practice but otherwise go about your day as normal!

dontcomeatme · 10/07/2025 19:52

You didn't make yourself a coffee or your child breakfast because you had guests? Guests that hadn't even come to see you but essentially just wanted a free hotel? YABVU

Jamandtoastfortea · 10/07/2025 19:50

Absolutely not - you go about your normal daily routines and they fit in. They join in family life when they are there and are kind and considerate to you. I hope they brought a nice gift for you and your child.

Louoby · 10/07/2025 19:30

this is your home, as well as your children’s. If they want free accommodation then that comes with being woken when the house is awake. Cancel further visits.

TicklishMintDuck · 10/07/2025 19:28

I’m child free and if I were staying with a friend, I wouldn’t expect them to change their routines or keep children quiet. If they don’t like the noise, they can always book accommodation,

HappyMamma2023 · 10/07/2025 19:18

Why have you let an ex-colleague and her partner you haven't met before stay? Firstly how can you trust the partner? And secondly they should be staying in a hotel or B&B like everyone else does. You shouldn't have to tip toe round your own house

JustSawJohnny · 10/07/2025 19:10

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 12:27

No they just looked at me expecting to take DC away when they were playing a bit too loudly. Due to very different dinnertimes (we like to eat early together with DC), they were still eating while DC was playing in the living area after dinner.
The second evening we just took DC to the playground after we had finished eating. DC was happy to go out in the evening and have slightly later bedtime (we normally don't do this), and they were able to enjoy their meal in peace

Show quote history

Once again, these are all YOUR choices.

Anyone telling me to keep my kid quiet or remove them while people were eating would be getting told to go find somewhere else to eat, if not stay. They didn't even SAY anything - they just 'gave you a look' and you scuttled off and removed your 'offending' offspring! WTF, OP?!

It really sounds like you are a habitual people pleaser, and ultimately you are happy to put your husband and child second in order to please others.

It's not normal, OP.

Notouchingmybhuna · 10/07/2025 19:06

How does your husband feel about this new plan of yours? Does he get any say?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/07/2025 18:36

Absolutely bonkers! It’s your child’s home and they have imposed. They take you as they find you!

thepariscrimefiles · 10/07/2025 18:36

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 17:50

Thank you all for your answers.
Living in a popular area, we have had many guests over the years, and have never had similar problems. But thinking of it, the other guests generally were friends with children, or relatives. They tend to stay 1-2 nights at most, and fit in with our schedule without being asked.
I agree with the poster saying that I am projecting too much, after all they never outright asked that I take DC away. I should just ignore the looks.
Its also a good idea to not tell them that we are away for one of the weekends. They would probably ask that I leave them key, as someone said.
As to why I agreed to the BF visits, she caught me off guard in a phonecall. Had she asked by text, I think I would have much more likely to firmly tell her no. For this summer, I will let them stay, but then never again. The next visit is on a weekend where DH is at PILs with DC (this was planned long ago), so will probably be easier. The 4 day visit, we will see how they like it with all normal child noises and being woken early.
For those asking, no they didn’t give us any gift, but thanked us and said they very much enyoied the weekend.

A four day visit??? No gift to say thank you even though you saved them an absolute fortune?

If you can't be honest and tell them that the visit didn't really work for you and your family, surely you can make up some excuse to stop them from coming, e.g. family illness, plumbing emergency, faking your own death.

I don't understand why you aren't annoyed by their entitled behaviour, almost as though they were more important than your own child?

Wanttomakemincepies · 10/07/2025 18:30

Not a chance. They have invited themselves. They want lie ins and quiet, pay for a hotel.

Fundayout2025 · 10/07/2025 18:30

Well I wouldn't be letting kids run and jump about at 6.30 am normally especially in a flat . Your poor neighbours

But if you stay somewhere knowing there's kids live there then you have to expect usually kid noise. When I visit one of mine that lives a few hundred miles away I stay in a hotel as prefer peace and she has 3 under5

BuildbyNumbere · 10/07/2025 18:27

You must be off your head. Why on earth did you agree to this in the first place and why are you allowing them to disrupt your life? This is your child’s home, so no, they should not be made to be quiet or eat cookies all morning!! If your house guests want to stay asleep until 10am then they’re need to book a hotel, they are massively taking the piss. I’ve heard it all now 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 10/07/2025 18:26

Jog on, they're not even invited and you're putting them up for free so they get a free holiday then asking your child to be quiet until 10am!! In a small flat. Madness.
I can see 6.30 am being ott, maybe have some quiet iPad time or tv till 7.30am, but after that it's fair game for sure.
I often send my children down to guests rooms in the morning to give me a break, it's normally people who love them and they're excited to see each other. I always say "dc will be up from 8.30am, they'll pop in and say good morning" then I take a tea to bed. So I'm the opposite of you and I actively inflict my children on them to give me some quiet!

CampCrow · 10/07/2025 18:20

@StressedHost
And yes, I am a people pleaser, probably because I am an introvert and quite socially awkward, so I tend to go OTT to be nice to others.
As for how I agreed to the visits, it was sort of a situation where you give your finger and they take your hand. I quite like the colleague, but I had never spent time with her outside of work before. She is a lot younger than me (mid 20s vs early 40s). We had/have a kind of mentee/mentor relationship, where we talk about her career development etc. Over the summer, she has to travel a few times to our city for work, but instead of going back home on Friday, she asked if she could stay at my place for the weekend to do some touristy things. I agreed, thinking that it was just her for one weekend. Then the day before her arrival, she announced that btw, her boyfriend was joining her and surely that was ok? And btw, the boyfriend has some time off at the end of the month, surely it would be ok for them to stay for 4 nights? I tried to say that maybe it would not be very relaxing for them with our DC waking early, that we would not have time to do sightseeing with them and that it was not very convenient. My colleague said that this is all not a problem, they are morning people themselves, they like children and would do sightseeing on their own. Implying that I was a bit "unflexible" and "precious" if I didn't agree. After which I just didn't know what to say.

You could have easily declined at any point, I actually think you need to take a lot more responsibility for this than you are. You are resenting her and her boyfriend staying but you keep letting them stay. Either let them stay and be happy about it or decline. It’s up to you.

All this fuss and unpleasantness has been caused by you trying to be nice. It’s crazy.

Pipsquiggle · 10/07/2025 18:17

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 17:50

Thank you all for your answers.
Living in a popular area, we have had many guests over the years, and have never had similar problems. But thinking of it, the other guests generally were friends with children, or relatives. They tend to stay 1-2 nights at most, and fit in with our schedule without being asked.
I agree with the poster saying that I am projecting too much, after all they never outright asked that I take DC away. I should just ignore the looks.
Its also a good idea to not tell them that we are away for one of the weekends. They would probably ask that I leave them key, as someone said.
As to why I agreed to the BF visits, she caught me off guard in a phonecall. Had she asked by text, I think I would have much more likely to firmly tell her no. For this summer, I will let them stay, but then never again. The next visit is on a weekend where DH is at PILs with DC (this was planned long ago), so will probably be easier. The 4 day visit, we will see how they like it with all normal child noises and being woken early.
For those asking, no they didn’t give us any gift, but thanked us and said they very much enyoied the weekend.

@StressedHost
Is this what you want to happen?

DaisyChain505 · 10/07/2025 18:14

Seriously, just send a message.

“Really sorry X but the 4 days you have asked to stay at my home just won’t be feasible anymore. We’re taking a break from hosting guests at ours. I hope you can understand.”

BiddyPopthe2nd · 10/07/2025 18:13

They invited themselves to save money - they pay the price in other ways. It’s your DC’s home. They get to live as normal.

MoonWoman69 · 10/07/2025 18:11

Cancel all the next visits! You don't have to honour their plans, they've made those, NOT YOU!!!
You are an absolute walk over, but if you're happy with that, crack on! So, you do exactly what you want OP, just don't come on here making AIBU posts when you clearly don't take anything anyone has said on board!
Honestly, I give up! 🙄

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2025 18:02

So you're still happy to be taken for a mug

Original poster

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 17:50

Thank you all for your answers.
Living in a popular area, we have had many guests over the years, and have never had similar problems. But thinking of it, the other guests generally were friends with children, or relatives. They tend to stay 1-2 nights at most, and fit in with our schedule without being asked.
I agree with the poster saying that I am projecting too much, after all they never outright asked that I take DC away. I should just ignore the looks.
Its also a good idea to not tell them that we are away for one of the weekends. They would probably ask that I leave them key, as someone said.
As to why I agreed to the BF visits, she caught me off guard in a phonecall. Had she asked by text, I think I would have much more likely to firmly tell her no. For this summer, I will let them stay, but then never again. The next visit is on a weekend where DH is at PILs with DC (this was planned long ago), so will probably be easier. The 4 day visit, we will see how they like it with all normal child noises and being woken early.
For those asking, no they didn’t give us any gift, but thanked us and said they very much enyoied the weekend.

OP posts:

Bertielong3 · 10/07/2025 17:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

BangersAndGnash · 10/07/2025 17:27

Good grief!

I would be mortified if any hosts I was staying with were making their kids miserable and quietly nibbling biscuits with no coffee in the mornings to avoid disturbing me !

And if I was your DH I would say no. No more than one visit a year. And if they want long drawn out dinners in peace they can fuck off to restaurant.

How are you ‘people pleasing’ to your poor DH and kids??

As mentor you need to model decent but polite boundaries.

RawBloomers · 10/07/2025 17:26

OP, how do you manage at work when you surely have to say no to people some of the time?

I understand you agreeing to your colleague coming on her own for one weekend. But the rest is pretty appalling. Your poor DH and DS. Do you not love them more than you hate saying no?

This, in particular really stuck out to me:
Also, the last time, the BF had already booked his train ticket when his visit was announced, so I felt I could not say no anymore.
You were manipulated. Do you recognize that? It should have made you angry but it doesn’t seem to have.

Contact your colleague, tell her the weekend really didn’t work for your family and you think she needs to make other arrangements for any further stays in the city.

On keeping your DC quiet I would just say, if you’re living in a flat, then developing a routine that keeps your DC quieter and happy until 7:30/8:00 am is neighbourly (and probably kinder to you and DH). But rearranging your routine at the drop of a hat and at your DS and DH’s expense just so someone you barely know can get a free jolly is nuts.