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AIBU?

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Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

463 replies

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 09:11

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

OP posts:
DonnaSueWeloveyou · 10/07/2025 09:35

Pyjamatimenow · 10/07/2025 09:19

I think you’re asking the wrong question. Why are you allowing these people to stay? Let alone changing how you live for their comfort? Madness!

This.

Can’t believe you didn’t get coffee or feed your child properly because of them!

I would tell the pair of them to take a hike and not allow them back again - it’s your home!

ClarasSisters · 10/07/2025 09:35

Why the fuck would you alter your own lives to host people you don't even particularly like? For free?

Nuts.

yeesh · 10/07/2025 09:34

Why the fuck would you agree to people you’re not even friends with staying in your house multiple times? It’s so odd I can’t get my head around it. No you shouldn’t keep your child quiet, poor kid. It’s the weekend let them have fun.

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 10/07/2025 09:34

In this scenario my child would be given a pan and a wooden spoon and told to go make some music outside their door at 6am.

You're trying to be nice and kind to them at the expense of your child's comfort in their own home.

You've allowed a virtual stranger and an actual stranger to stay in your home as well. How do you know the boyfriend is even safe to be around. He could get drunk and smash places up, he could be a paedophile, he could be a thief.

I would be cancelling any further visits.

Viobioscore48 · 10/07/2025 09:34

No way would I be hosting these people under these circumstances. I.e. not a friend/family, small space, for several weekends (?!) etc. I'd definitely be cancelling the future planned visits.

housethatbuiltme · 10/07/2025 09:34

Imagine asking if its normal to put a randomer above your child in their own home.

Livpool · 10/07/2025 09:33

They can piss off!

EggnogNoggin · 10/07/2025 09:33

noidea69 · 10/07/2025 09:26

I think the DH is digging in because, even if he is not there, his children are still there in their, he doesn't want his kids to be treated like 2nd class citizens in the house which they live in.

and he's right.

And my suggestion if bringing a child breakfast in bed with a movie is pretty much the opposite of treating DC like a second class citizen.

Jojimoji · 10/07/2025 09:32

What exactly are you getting out of this arrangement?

They're not good friends, doesn't seem like you enjoy their company or have much in common and they aren't paying you.

Why would you accommodate them ?
At all?

PinkyFlamingo · 10/07/2025 09:32

Are you normally such a pushover? Why on earth would you agree to this in the first place? Even more worrying is your thinking you need to keep your child quiet!!! Mad.

EggnogNoggin · 10/07/2025 09:32

noidea69 · 10/07/2025 09:26

I think the DH is digging in because, even if he is not there, his children are still there in their, he doesn't want his kids to be treated like 2nd class citizens in the house which they live in.

and he's right.

He should have said no then. I doubt OP overruled him and fought for this.

SapphOhNo · 10/07/2025 09:31

The correct answer is that you don't let them stay.

Skybyrd · 10/07/2025 09:31

I would also be cancelling future planned visits. Just tell them that you're really sorry but things have changed and you can no longer accommodate them. It's your home and a small flat at that!

If they had any decency, they'd have cancelled future visits themselves after realising what an imposition it is on your family.

ArabiattaPrawn · 10/07/2025 09:31

This is next level bonkers. No, you don't have to keep your child quiet for some freeloaders.

CampCrow · 10/07/2025 09:30

Unless the guests broke into the flat the OP and husband could have told them they couldn’t stay. It’s a bit wet of the OP to agree to let the guests stay and then make out that they had no choice.

thestudio · 10/07/2025 09:29

Literally no-one invites themselves to stay with an ACQUAINTANCE ‘for a few long weekends’ - except the cheakiest of fuckers. These people are exploiting you and instead of saying No you are offering up your child so they can have another go!

You have a problem with boundaries that you srsly need to work on, if not for your own sake then to avoid passing on to your child.

Ohthatsabitshit · 10/07/2025 09:29

Don’t be ridiculous. You carry on as normal and they enjoy staying with you or not. I’d be furious if I was your dh and you were ruining my child’s weekend and feeding them biscuits instead of breakfast. Shameful behaviour, all because you want to pander to an ex colleague 😮

Cadenza12 · 10/07/2025 09:28

That's mad. I'd be letting the child make as much noise as they want under these circumstances. I'd also.cancel their planned visits. Freeloaders.

PreciousMomentsHun · 10/07/2025 09:28

If this were real, I'd 100% buy my son a vuvuzela and the other a kazoo. Band practice starts at 5am sharp.

I don't believe your husband would really let two strangers, including a man he has never met, insist on forcing their way into your flat with your young kids.

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 10/07/2025 09:28

Are you quite mad? Why on earth would you let some people that you don't class as friends invite themselves to stay in your house for a FEW weekends, to save on hotel bills - let alone then let them expect you to mostly feed and water them while they're there?

Imstillmagic · 10/07/2025 09:28

PothasProblem · 10/07/2025 09:17

Are you generally such an extreme people pleaser?

I'd tell them that it's no longer convenient for you to accommodate them for the future planned visits, and suggest meeting for a catch up over coffee sometime

People pleaser towards everyone but her husband and child.

rommymummy · 10/07/2025 09:28

Have your coffee!

Cabinqueen · 10/07/2025 09:28

Hold on...

They are neither friends nor family...
They are staying for several long weekends...
They are not paying for anything...

But you're asking us if you need to accommodate them further still.... ?

Show them the door this morning and wave the cfs off!!

TourangaLeila · 10/07/2025 09:27

@StressedHost they are not guests, you didn't invite them and you don't run a bed and breakfast!!!!

They would not be coming back for the "other arranged visits this year"

This is your DC's home. If you insist on letting them stay they can like it or lump it.

I am gobsmacked at the level of doormat you are.

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2025 09:27

Why on earth have you allowed this? And more than once?

Team husband - you and your child live your normal lives (which includes hoovering at 9am)

Do they bring anything? Give you a Thank You gift?