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AIBU?

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Original poster

Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

463 replies

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 09:11

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 10/07/2025 10:38

I would minimise noise before 7am but kine were 5am risers when little. After that normal noise prevails. To be honest if you are a guest in someone's house lounging about in bed all morning is a bit rude.

Catsandcannedbeans · 10/07/2025 10:37

No. It’s our house - mine, my husband’s, and my children’s. If I really liked this house guest I would maybe take my children out after they wake up and have breakfast so they can lie in.

But there is no way I would let some man I’ve never met into my home with my children… sorry maybe I’m crazy but better crazy than sorry. You do not know this man.

YourWildAmberSloth · 10/07/2025 10:37

You didn't invite them, I'm sorry but relative strangers cannot just 'invite themselves' into your home. You don't want them to stay, so tell them that it won't be possible for them to stay again. I'm sure that there are B&Bs, hotels and guest rooms available that they would have to use if you didn't live there.

Original poster
StressedHost · 10/07/2025 10:36

Thank you all for the reality check. I will definitely be less stressed to keep DC quiet during their next visits. And yes, I am a people pleaser, probably because I am an introvert and quite socially awkward, so I tend to go OTT to be nice to others.
As for how I agreed to the visits, it was sort of a situation where you give your finger and they take your hand. I quite like the colleague, but I had never spent time with her outside of work before. She is a lot younger than me (mid 20s vs early 40s). We had/have a kind of mentee/mentor relationship, where we talk about her career development etc. Over the summer, she has to travel a few times to our city for work, but instead of going back home on Friday, she asked if she could stay at my place for the weekend to do some touristy things. I agreed, thinking that it was just her for one weekend. Then the day before her arrival, she announced that btw, her boyfriend was joining her and surely that was ok? And btw, the boyfriend has some time off at the end of the month, surely it would be ok for them to stay for 4 nights? I tried to say that maybe it would not be very relaxing for them with our DC waking early, that we would not have time to do sightseeing with them and that it was not very convenient. My colleague said that this is all not a problem, they are morning people themselves, they like children and would do sightseeing on their own. Implying that I was a bit "unflexible" and "precious" if I didn't agree. After which I just didn't know what to say.
The reality was then of course different. They were disturbed by DC playing in the living area while they had long drawn out dinners at our kitchen table, the lie-ins, generally wanting to have long conversation over meals without DC interrupting.
DH is pissed (rightly so) with me for inviting them. He was ok with it when it was just the colleague alone for one weekend. I still have to somehow avoid to have a fallout with the colleague, as we are in the same (small) industry and will probably have to work together at some level.

OP posts:
Payingforthenews · 10/07/2025 10:33

This is really weird OP, so you are funding their city break? (Presumably you are feeding them?).

id be inclined to say that you can’t accommodate their future dates and if asked why just say unfortunately it doesn’t work for you

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 10/07/2025 10:33

Firstly, why on earth did you say yes to them staying with you when they're not even friends?

Secondly, having been idiotic to do the first, why the fuck are you tiptoeing around them when they're the ones intruding in your life.

Bloody hell OP, no wonder your husband is pissed off with you.

ttcat37 · 10/07/2025 10:29

No way, cheeky fuckers. I’d be getting the Twister mat out and putting Agadoo on the karaoke machine for the kids.

BadLad · 10/07/2025 10:27

I don’t have children and if I’m staying with people who do, I expect they’ll do their usual. There might be noise and some getting up in the night if the children are young but that’s to be expected in a house with children. I’d feel terrible if they thought they had to keep the children out of my way.

myheadsjustmush · 10/07/2025 10:26

Well, I was going to say try and keep the nose levels down, etc - until I got to the part where they have invited themselves and don't pay.....

Get on with your lives as normal. If they can't lie in until lord knows what time because of normal household noise, they may well decide not to stay with you again.

Use your kitchen, get breakfast sorted and then carry on your day as normal - don't pander to them!

MoonWoman69 · 10/07/2025 10:24

We're childless and we wouldn't expect anyone to keep their children quiet for us! But then we wouldn't be CFs and use you as free lodgings either!!! Can't believe you agreed to that in the first place, considering you're hardly friends!
Yes, you carry on as you normally would, remember they're disrupting you, not the other way round!
And make sure they know you're no longer available to "host"!

DaisyChain505 · 10/07/2025 10:23

My God why are you letting these people walk all over you and use your home like a Travel Lodge.

If someone is staying in your house they have to accept your living situation and family.

If you’re this way inclined in all aspects of your life I would really look at raising your self confidence. It’s not ok for you to feel the need to be walked over like this and bend your life to fit others so unnecessarily.

MiddleAgedDread · 10/07/2025 10:22

I agree with the majority, if you invite yourself stay in house with young children you can expect early mornings and noise rather than a long lie in! My friend's kids used to regularly be up at the crack of dawn and come and get in bed with me when I stayed. If anything, I'd be the one taking them downstairs to give the parents a rare chance of a lie-in! Go about your day as normal and point them in the direction of the coffee and cereal cupboard to help themselves when they finally surface. If they know you well enough to invite themselves to stay they can muck in and not inconvenience you too much. You're not running a hotel or B&B!

GFBurger · 10/07/2025 10:21

Don’t make it comfortable for them! Make it as uncomfortable as possible until they get a hotel!

The deal is clear, your life, your space. Make yourself that coffee and your child some breakfast. They can buy ear plugs if it offends them that much. Or… not stay at yours for free.

Pipsquiggle · 10/07/2025 10:21

I can't believe there are 3% of voters that agree with @StressedHost - I bet they clicked the wrong vote button in error - I've done that before

Spidey66 · 10/07/2025 10:21

No, they invited themselves. If they want peace and quiet they can book into a hotel.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 10/07/2025 10:20

Why in earth is a colleague staying with you ? A former one at that? And a male you have never met? You need to reprioritise quickly. Weird as.

NaeRolls · 10/07/2025 10:20

I also don't have children but this is ridiculous! Firstly, I'd never just invite myself to stay at someone's house to get free accommodation. Secondly, I'd understand that children live there - it is their home!

Please put your family and DC above these people.

snowmichael · 10/07/2025 10:19

Your husband is completely correct
They invited themselves to your house, they adapt themselves to your household

Weepixie · 10/07/2025 10:18

Op just be honest with them and the next time they’re coming let them know it was difficult trying to run the house to let them have a lie in or peace and quiet and would they mind going with the rhythm of the house when they arrive. You don’t have to be angry or negative when you say it, but you really should say something.

Tiredandtiredagain · 10/07/2025 10:17

Deal with your people pleasing! It’s out of control.

Pipsquiggle · 10/07/2025 10:16

When anyone stays at my house, I point out that we have 'active DC' and if they are after a peaceful or restful stay then they should look for other accommodation.

@StressedHost you are imposing ridiculous 'rules' on yourself - why? Do you like being a martyr? Are you a people pleaser? Please put some boundaries in place right now
I can understand if you lived in a massive house / estate where people can have their own accommodation but even then I would warn them that the DC enjoy the garden so you might be woken up.

AmyDudley · 10/07/2025 10:15

I hope these spongers brought wine, and chocs for you and a nice toy for your kid when they arrived.
And no you don't feed your child cookies, not have a cup of coffee and keep your child quiet until 10 am. They invited themselves so it'd be business as usual in my house

If they don't like it, they may cancel their future planned visits to you and invite themselves into a hotel - win win.

Icanttakethisanymore · 10/07/2025 10:15

I can’t imagine why you are letting them stay. I’m pretty relaxed but there’s no way I’d say yes to this. Tell them to book an airbnb!

Fletchasketch · 10/07/2025 10:14

As a childless person who has stayed with friends with kids, I've been aware that they were making a huge effort to keep them quiet in the morning, and I felt bad about it. They are great friends, so let them know that it really doesn't bother me. If you go to stay with someone with kids, there will be noise. If this bothers you, get a hotel.

TheDowagerLadyUrsula · 10/07/2025 10:14

IridiumSky · 10/07/2025 10:04

You should perhaps have your child medically sedated so he remains asleep all day.

Do the same to your obviously unreasonable husband.

You are allowed to get up, but only if you wear special noise-reduction slippers, and do not eat, drink, or use the loo,

Surely this is what any decent host would do?

OP, I’ve never heard anything so bloody ridiculous. Is this a wind-up? 🙄

Really, if OP were a truly considerate host then she and her family would all vacate the premises immediately and move into a local AirBnB or hotel for the duration of the visit...