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AIBU?

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Original poster

Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

463 replies

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 09:11

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

OP posts:
EdgyCrab · 10/07/2025 11:30

CoralOP · 10/07/2025 11:16

Sometimes someone comes along with such a baffling point of view that people are genuinely outraged by it.
I think push over and door mat are completely suitable words for this situation.
I for one can't believe she would think so low of her children to put them in this situation, god help her if she has a little girl.
'Yes darling I know we don't know this strange man but don't make noise Or bother him in our home'.
'Yes darling I know you don't feel comfortable with these people in your house but don't mention it, just put up and shut up, they also want to come back in a few weeks'.
I think at some point, usually when you become a mother you develop a protective layer around your children, you have to, they are helpless so it's hard to read that someone is actively showing them they are bottom of the barrel and need to take whatever anyone wants to give to them.

Show quote history

I don't think that's what's going on. I think people enjoy the moral righteousness and convince themselves they have the right to be unpleasant to other people from behind the safety of a screen.

outerspacepotato · 10/07/2025 11:29

You aren't making a good impression on your co-worker, she's sussed out that you are a chump and she can take advantage of you for free housing and fuck your family.

Of course your husband is pissed. You treat your family badly to fawn over a rude acquaintance who brought a complete stranger into your home with your young child.

Which is more important to you, playing chump to please someone you hardly know and a stranger or your family?

You need therapy to deal with your extreme lack of boundaries. You need a wakeup call to not endanger your family by letting a complete stranger stay in your home.

Cancel those upcoming visits.

TheTwoOfUs · 10/07/2025 11:29

You have serious Wet Lettuce Syndrome, OP. Leave aside entirely trying to keep your children quiet for four hours in your own home -- you let a former colleague you're 'not particularly friends with' and a total stranger 'invite themselves' to stay with you for several summer weekends to attend events in your city????

I only encounter this on Mn. Why on earth would anyone do this? Bluntly, what is wrong with you?

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2025 11:28

So - 'Sorry, I'm going to have to cancel your visit. Aunt/Cousin/sister/whoever needs to stay then (do not explain further). Here are some Airbnbs in the area which look quite reasonable'

In future, No, sorry, decorators are in/child is poorly/DH has a lot of work on

And never allow it again

And do they pay/bring wine/flowers/gift?

ClarasSisters · 10/07/2025 11:26

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 10:36

Thank you all for the reality check. I will definitely be less stressed to keep DC quiet during their next visits. And yes, I am a people pleaser, probably because I am an introvert and quite socially awkward, so I tend to go OTT to be nice to others.
As for how I agreed to the visits, it was sort of a situation where you give your finger and they take your hand. I quite like the colleague, but I had never spent time with her outside of work before. She is a lot younger than me (mid 20s vs early 40s). We had/have a kind of mentee/mentor relationship, where we talk about her career development etc. Over the summer, she has to travel a few times to our city for work, but instead of going back home on Friday, she asked if she could stay at my place for the weekend to do some touristy things. I agreed, thinking that it was just her for one weekend. Then the day before her arrival, she announced that btw, her boyfriend was joining her and surely that was ok? And btw, the boyfriend has some time off at the end of the month, surely it would be ok for them to stay for 4 nights? I tried to say that maybe it would not be very relaxing for them with our DC waking early, that we would not have time to do sightseeing with them and that it was not very convenient. My colleague said that this is all not a problem, they are morning people themselves, they like children and would do sightseeing on their own. Implying that I was a bit "unflexible" and "precious" if I didn't agree. After which I just didn't know what to say.
The reality was then of course different. They were disturbed by DC playing in the living area while they had long drawn out dinners at our kitchen table, the lie-ins, generally wanting to have long conversation over meals without DC interrupting.
DH is pissed (rightly so) with me for inviting them. He was ok with it when it was just the colleague alone for one weekend. I still have to somehow avoid to have a fallout with the colleague, as we are in the same (small) industry and will probably have to work together at some level.

"I tried to say that maybe it would not be very relaxing for them with our DC waking early..."

There's your issue. What you should have said was "No."

BrokenWingsCantFly · 10/07/2025 11:26

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down now.

WhatTheHelll · 10/07/2025 11:25

There’s no way I would have my child change in their own home for a guest. If they don’t like it they can sod off to a hotel.

Noshowlomo · 10/07/2025 11:25

Bonkers. Tell them to F off and let them be “precious”

BoredZelda · 10/07/2025 11:25

You don’t need to tie yourself in knots and hint strongly, you just say “no, that won’t work for us but I can recommend x hotel if that helps”

As for having to work with her in the future, how much trouble can a much more junior person make? If she starts making noises, just let people know what the real story was. If you were mentoring her, it sounds like you could make way more trouble for her than she could for you.

I’m all for being respectful of guests and reminding your kids to keep the noise down if they are sleeping. That’s the right thing to do, but stop blaming this couple for being in your home. You could have said no.

Magicality · 10/07/2025 11:25

I'm childfree and wouldn't expect the children of anyone I was visiting to be kept quiet or out of the way. If I didn't feel I could cope with the noise of children for a few days, I wouldn't visit.

Magicality · 10/07/2025 11:25

I'm childfree and wouldn't expect the children of anyone I was visiting to be kept quiet or out of the way. If I didn't feel I could cope with the noise of children for a few days, I wouldn't visit.

mindutopia · 10/07/2025 11:25

Christ no. Firstly, sounds like they are just using you for a free place to stay and I’d put an end to that right there.

But no, generally don’t change anything about our lives for houseguests. The only rule is that you don’t go into their room uninvited as it’s a private space for them (otherwise spare room is used like a second lounge in our house, so they are used to going in there to watch tv).

Unless you have paying Airbnb guests, unfortunately it’s going to be noisy and we’re going to have to work meals around kids and family life. No one is ever prevented from just getting a hotel or holiday let though and just visiting us for the day. I’ve yet to have anyone opt for that instead.

xWildFlowerx · 10/07/2025 11:24

Wtf? Your DH is 100% right. I wouldn't have let those people stay in the first place, but if somehow I did, then there's no fucking way I'd be minimising any disruption.

If they liked 'sleep ins' and 'long meals' they would be free to fuck off to a hotel to have them. They're the ones who imposed themselves on a household with a child.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 10/07/2025 11:24

OP why can't you just tell her that it won't be possible to accommodate her and her boyfriend again? The last weekend proved too inconvenient for your family. You don't have to fall out (although likely she will fall out with you but she's a CF so no big loss).

Zanatdy · 10/07/2025 11:21

I wouldn’t have even allowed them to stay given not friends and not a chance i’d keep my child quiet for uninvited guests

Kchs232 · 10/07/2025 11:21

A former colleague who you aren't even friends with who have invited themselves for long weekends?! Hmmmm...

BeachPossum · 10/07/2025 11:20

You are being mental. Why are you feeding your kid cookies for breakfast and not even letting them play in their own house so you can tiptoe round uninvited guests who are using you for free accommodation? Why have you decided these acquaintances are more important than your own kids?

This is seriously extreme people pleasing, to a damaging degree.

If the arrangement continues, get on with your lives as normal when they're there. If they don't like it and find it too noisy they can sort alternative accommodation. You need to get a grip and stiffen up your backbone.

VickyEadieofThigh · 10/07/2025 11:19

I am regularly astonished by the number of Mumsnet posters who are utter doormats with cheeky fucker acquaintances.

Opaldiamonds · 10/07/2025 11:17

You sound like a massive push over and incapable of setting boundaries, if I’m honest.

You have let someone invite themselves to your home with a man you’ve never met - you’re not even friends with this person? & you’ve just, accepted it?

You think you should be attempting to keep your child quiet despite the fact these “guests” have invited them to your house knowing you have a young child

Your DH is right and you’re off your rocker

101Nutella · 10/07/2025 11:16

YABU
Children are people too. Why do their needs matter less than a guest!
you’re doing them a favour by letting them avoid accommodation cost. So they should compromise. If they want a hotel experience- pay for one.

also think about what you’re modelling for your child in terms of compromise vs ignoring your basic needs to suit others.

CoralOP · 10/07/2025 11:16

EdgyCrab · 10/07/2025 11:05

Some posters here need to check themselves honestly - you can disagree with the OP but is is strictly necessary to call her a 'pushover', 'doormat' and other rude things etc? Commenters getting the rush from collective outrage just being unnecessarily unpleasant.

OP - as a child free houseguest to homes with kids, I appreciate my friends making some element of effort to stop their kids barging into my room at 7, but I do expect to fall in with my hosts' routines. But then I am good friends with all people I stay with. In the circumstances you have outlined, I would maaaybe try and keep noise down from 7, but from then go about your business. I also don't think you are obligated to host these people, as you don't know them very well and they seem to be causing quite some disruption to you.

Sometimes someone comes along with such a baffling point of view that people are genuinely outraged by it.
I think push over and door mat are completely suitable words for this situation.
I for one can't believe she would think so low of her children to put them in this situation, god help her if she has a little girl.
'Yes darling I know we don't know this strange man but don't make noise Or bother him in our home'.
'Yes darling I know you don't feel comfortable with these people in your house but don't mention it, just put up and shut up, they also want to come back in a few weeks'.
I think at some point, usually when you become a mother you develop a protective layer around your children, you have to, they are helpless so it's hard to read that someone is actively showing them they are bottom of the barrel and need to take whatever anyone wants to give to them.

Glittertwins · 10/07/2025 11:15

Sod that, they’re not close friends, why on earth did having virtual strangers in your flat even cross your mind? I honestly think they have a nerve to use your place because they’re cheapskates.

Sunaquarius · 10/07/2025 11:11

I think they sound cheeky as it is. They aren't friends and family and have no intention of spending time with you, just want to use your house like a hotel?

SuburbanSprawl · 10/07/2025 11:10

Amba1998 · 10/07/2025 11:06

  1. never in this lifetime would I be such a people pleaser that an ex colleague and a man I’ve never met would be staying in my house with children. Hard no. You barely know the colleague and you don’t know her boyfriend.
  1. even if I did know these people, I wouldn’t suppress my child in their own home to suit someone else.

Two ones! Golly, you do feel strongly, don't you?

Kbroughton · 10/07/2025 11:10

Usually yes, kind of, though i expect house guests to get up pretty much with the rest of the house as long as it is reasonable. I get up at 5 and walk the dogs, dont expect people to be up and I would be quiet. DD is 11 and doesnt wake early but if I had a toddler I would try to keep them a bit quiet before say 8am. If she put her tele on really loud at 7 or something I would tell her to turn it down or put headphones on, thats good manners and not being a people pleaser. I wouldnt be changing their food or anything though ever even if they were my best friends in the world! If people want a big lie in I would expect them to go to a hotel. But from what you describe, no as they invited themselves and you dont want them there!