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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to still be upset that my birthday night out was a bit ruined?

33 replies

Lilcrazyop · 09/07/2025 23:26

Hi all. My birthday was 2 weeks ago and I had a night out. For the most part it went well but my mood wasn’t there if that makes sense. I had a big knockback the week before and it really put me in a terrible mood that I couldn’t really shake. Something else happened with someone I really care about that left me reeling that night. In the moment I felt thrown away like trash and not good enough. AIBU to still feel sad that my birthday night felt ruined to me? I know I should have not got myself so worked up and should have tried harder to put that knock back to the back of my head. I look back at the photos and videos of that night especially as I film content and I can’t help thinking I was and looked happier last year. I can see the way I was in the videos that I wasn’t happy and I was trying to make myself happy. The past year or so I’ve had bad struggles and I really needed that night to go well. Please talk some sense into me. I know this is first world problems compared to what others are going through.

OP posts:
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Chinsupmeloves · 11/07/2025 18:37

Just because it's a special occasion you can't automatically pretend to be happy when you're not.

When I was at a Christmas do shortly after my Dad died I put on a smiley face but had to keep disappearing to cry 😢

I decided then not to force myself into these situations when I know I will be sad.

Xxxxxccc

Grammarninja · 11/07/2025 12:15

I find it hard to be happy on my birthday. It's like an emotional new years where I look back and can't help but do an audit of my life to date. Lots of people are like this. My advice is not to plan much for a birthday as bringing it into too much focus, leads to bringing the past year into too much focus.

FOXYMORON1707 · 10/07/2025 19:06

3luckystars · 09/07/2025 23:28

It’s one night. Nothing to get worked up about, you can have another night out anytime you like!!

Are you a teenager? If not am making no allowances. Life is sometimes an 8 sometimes it’s a 1 sometimes it’s a 0 or it fluctuates.

So your night out was a bit underwhelming due to some rejection? I pity the poor people who had to endure being there as you took an inward tantrum. I just can’t take in that people or someone would find this a problem. Yeh be upset or have a cry whatever though I am bamboozled.

Rabbitsockpeony · 10/07/2025 06:59

MNpenisadvisor · 10/07/2025 00:10

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5366538-my-head-is-a-mess-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do-aibu-to-think-like-this?postsby=Lilcrazyop

Fucking hell. Strange approach to Christianity. 🫢

Moonnstars · 10/07/2025 06:11

You are definitely over analysing. Photos and videos should be snippets of the evening and not the whole thing anyway. You sound quite young and immature to be hung up in having a video perfect night out and I fear this comes from too much social media and reality TV.

As others have pointed out, if it was that your night was ruined because it was the night your 'guyfriend' kissed someone else you definitely have bigger problems.
You need to leave your husband and then are free to do what you want, but don't expect your 'guyfriend' to stick around. He is enjoying the chase and once he has you, you will be dropped. Marriage counselling might be the way forward.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 10/07/2025 03:45

Making how you feel dependent on the approval/interest of someone else is always going to be a very dangerous game. Making how you feel dependent on the approval/interest of a single man when you’re married and have been crossing the line with the single man even more so. Add in obsessive behaviours, like watching a video that makes you sad and analysing it, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. You need to go to therapy to address the reasons why you’re behaving this way.

coxesorangepippin · 10/07/2025 02:14

Get over it, it's just one evening

Staffling · 10/07/2025 00:38

Double posted by mistake

Rainbowqueeen · 10/07/2025 00:34

Life ebbs and flows. Birthdays don't get better and better. Some are good, some are not.

I think that generally we need to stay away from over emotive language like "ruined" when something doesn't go exactly to plan. It makes things bigger than they really are.

Therapy sounds like a good idea.

BusterGonad · 10/07/2025 00:29

I cannot understand filming yourself on your birthday. I'm so out of touch.

MNpenisadvisor · 10/07/2025 00:17

Subbyhubby · 10/07/2025 00:15

Ills her religion really relevant here?

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Hey I didn't bring it up previously, she did.

Subbyhubby · 10/07/2025 00:15

MNpenisadvisor · 10/07/2025 00:08

Massive drip feed: this lady is a married Christian with a child who was upset because her 'guyfriend' who she is infatuated with kissed another bird on the night out. She quite obviously wants to shag the new bloke and is jelly over him whilst she has a whole ass husband and child

Ills her religion really relevant here?

JockTamsonsBairns · 10/07/2025 00:13

Op, it's not really fair to post this without the backstory.

edwinbear · 10/07/2025 00:09

About 6 weeks ago, I got made redundant 3 days before my 50th birthday. That certainly put a bit of a dampener on the celebrations, but a birthday is just a day. I’ll just have a better one next year (hopefully!) Best not to build high expectations when it comes to birthdays, some of them are awesome, some
a bit shit. But if you’re lucky, you get plenty of them!

MNpenisadvisor · 10/07/2025 00:08

Massive drip feed: this lady is a married Christian with a child who was upset because her 'guyfriend' who she is infatuated with kissed another bird on the night out. She quite obviously wants to shag the new bloke and is jelly over him whilst she has a whole ass husband and child

Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 10/07/2025 00:06

Subbyhubby · 10/07/2025 00:02

  1. its ok to not be in the same place as you were last year. We all get older, it’s a fact of life and it’s unlikely you are going to look the same as you did a year later. Things will probably get worse as the years go on but looking older is absolutely ok and completely normal
  2. Some people (I have, in my teens) celebrated birthdays less focused on one night and more over a weekend, week or even having a birthday month. It’s actually a good way to spread out the festivities. If you celebrate a birthday weekend rather than a night out, it makes it a bit less pressure on having that one night. You could try something fun for your OH or friendship group like a trip to the theater in another country or town? There is some good stuff on at the moment

exactly. I wasn’t that sad about my looks but I get what you mean. Well I was a bit when that thing happened with a close friend that might. Also I love the idea of a birthday weekend ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 10/07/2025 00:04

Lilcrazyop · 10/07/2025 00:03

Than

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Sorry typo lol. Thanks so much. Exactly I’ll try not to be hard on myself

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 10/07/2025 00:03

Staffling · 10/07/2025 00:00

Also, I think, op even if you do get worked up please don't be hard on yourself. It sounds like you have been going through a tough time. It's ok to not be able to suddenly switch on happy mode. Be kind to yourself and belated happy birthday 🍀

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Than

OP posts:
Subbyhubby · 10/07/2025 00:02
  1. its ok to not be in the same place as you were last year. We all get older, it’s a fact of life and it’s unlikely you are going to look the same as you did a year later. Things will probably get worse as the years go on but looking older is absolutely ok and completely normal
  2. Some people (I have, in my teens) celebrated birthdays less focused on one night and more over a weekend, week or even having a birthday month. It’s actually a good way to spread out the festivities. If you celebrate a birthday weekend rather than a night out, it makes it a bit less pressure on having that one night. You could try something fun for your OH or friendship group like a trip to the theater in another country or town? There is some good stuff on at the moment
Staffling · 10/07/2025 00:00

Lilcrazyop · 09/07/2025 23:33

Exactly. Thanks so much. I’m going out this weekend but I’ve made a promise to myself not to get myself worked up

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Also, I think, op even if you do get worked up please don't be hard on yourself. It sounds like you have been going through a tough time. It's ok to not be able to suddenly switch on happy mode. Be kind to yourself and belated happy birthday 🍀

Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 09/07/2025 23:55

Hillarious · 09/07/2025 23:51

Delete the video if it upsets you.

Either that or make up for it on another night out. I just felt like utter trash that night even though I was glammed up. I just felt at some points that he wanted to be elsewhere and not close to me but that’s probably in my head

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilcrazyop · 09/07/2025 23:54

elfendom1 · 09/07/2025 23:47

you seem to have put too much weight into that one night, maybe built up to it and it didn't go well?; but life is for the moment only, (which by the way I understand but it is hard to learn to live this way, I admire those who can) and so all I can say is just keep moving forward, don't dwell on stuff. Any knocks just keep moving, you'll be ok.

Thanks so much. Exactly I tend to do that is put too much emphasis on things working out and when they don’t I get really sad. I just can’t get what happened that night with a person I really care about out of my head

OP posts:
Hillarious · 09/07/2025 23:51

Delete the video if it upsets you.

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