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AIBU?

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Original poster

To keep DS off school tomorrow after classmate’s seizure?

208 replies

Grey0 · 09/07/2025 20:07

DS (14) had quite a distressing experience at school today and I’m unsure what to do for tomorrow. Would appreciate some thoughts.

On the way back from PE to their next lesson, one of DS’s classmates (not a close friend, just someone in his year group) had a seizure. They were still outside at the time. DS was with a couple of others when it happened. He’s been volunteering with St John’s Ambulance and said he recognised it straight away. He put his jacket under the boy’s head, made sure he was safe etc, but said the boy hit his head as he went down and later cut his lip during a second seizure. Other friends ran to get a teacher and they ended up calling an ambulance.

DS went on to his next lesson after giving his account but he’s come home really quiet and clearly a bit shaken. He’s not normally one for drama or fuss so it’s unusual for him to be this subdued. He keeps going over it in his head and saying he’s not sure if he did enough or did the right thing (even though it sounds like he did brilliantly under the circumstances).

He’s not close to the boy but obviously it was a lot to witness. WIBU to keep him off school tomorrow so he can decompress a bit? Or is that an overreaction? I just feel like he’s still processing it all.

OP posts:
Simplelobsterhat · 09/07/2025 22:52

Hi OP. I agree with people saying send him in - he'll dwell too much otherwise. But do mention to school he was upset by it in case he does struggle on school or any staff can update him if allowed/ praise him / put his mind at rest. And yes I think worth mentioning to his St Johns leaders as I'd imagine debrief after a first aid incident is something they could do.

Please ignore the people saying St Johns isn't for him or using the word snowflake! He's a 14 year old cadet not a qualified paramedic! Why shouldn't he be a little shocked at what is probably his first experience of a more serious health incident? The fact he followed his training shows the value for him.

Emma6cat · 09/07/2025 22:43

your Son will be fine, don’t raise a snowflake

Hazelsticksandwillow777 · 09/07/2025 22:39

No op, he will be better off mulling it over with his mates tomorrow and being distracted by lessons and kicking around a ball etc. Not sat at home ruminating. Best to get straight back on the horse!

Missj25 · 09/07/2025 22:37

mynamesnotsam · 09/07/2025 20:12

It sounds like he did brilliantly, but if you keep him off school you're making it into a bigger thing than it is. He'll have a whole day off to ruminate on it. Give him a hug and tell him you're massively proud of him. Tomorrow send him to school as usual so he'll have the distraction of friends and lessons.

Exactly This 👌..
And he’s a great lad so he is …
Hope his classmate is doing ok …

potenial · 09/07/2025 22:34

I'd personally say send him in, but let form teacher/ pastoral support know how he's feeling. Could he possibly have a chat with some teacher first aiders, or pastoral support in the morning before lessons?

I'd also maybe request that your details are passed onto the parents of the child who had the seizure, and just say 'my son did the initial first aid when yours had the seizure. He's a St John's Ambulance volunteer, but this was his first live experience of giving this first aid. He's been asking for an update on your child, so if you're happy to provide one I could pass onto him I'd appreciate it.'

OuterSpaceCadet · 09/07/2025 22:29

I think it's absolutely fine and natural for him to want to think about it. "Distraction" isn't always helpful, often it's good to process emotions at the time, as buried ones can come back when you don't want them to!

That said, I think he'll process what happened much better by going into school tomorrow. It will normalise it somewhat. Maybe there's someone there he could talk to for reassurance that he did the right procedure?

Then after school could you take him out for food or an ice cream or something so he's got your attention if he needs it again?

aredcar · 09/07/2025 22:25

No he doesn’t need a day off to decompress. Same thing happened to me in school and I also ended up going with my friend to the hospital after her seizure. It was really scary and stressful. I still went to school the next day- it wouldn’t have crossed my mind not to.

ButteredRadish · 09/07/2025 22:21

Your son needs to learn that life goes on because it has to….

Peony15 · 09/07/2025 22:16

Not read whole thread.
But I'm with you instinctivly straight away, gut feeling is always right !
I'd keep my DS off too
for a day to
decompress.
Especially at that age.
Go with your
gut always , well done for him
doing his best
!!

Flamencosun · 09/07/2025 22:13

blacklabradorsandchilledrose · 09/07/2025 21:01

I think most people posting YABU haven’t witnessed a tonic clonic seizure before. They are brutal, and very frightening and distressing to witness. Even my nurse friends say this!

I’m not sure a day off is the answer - though as others have said, make sure the school are aware so can support him if needed.

Completely agree with this. Everyone saying the child who had the seizure will be back in obviously hasn’t witnessed a tonic seizure. My DB has them and stops breathing, he has to go to hospital every time and stays in for about a week. The confusion lasts for around 3 weeks afterwards. It’s really scary, especially for a child to witness unexpectedly.

JustSawJohnny · 09/07/2025 22:13

It's normal for him to feel a bit rattled but better for him to try to dig deep and crack on, I think.

Too much thinking time could make him feel worse.

Better to praise him for his actions, encourage him to be resilient and shift the focus onto the child who had the seizure. I'm sure they will be feeling rough for a few days, if they picked up injuries.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 09/07/2025 22:12

Massive over reaction. He'll be fine.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/07/2025 22:07

Sounds like he did a brilliant job, and the best way for him to move on from it will be to hear that he did a brilliant job.

He already knows you think he did great, but you weren't there, so the best thing for him will likely be positive reinforcement from his friends and peers, which he'll get by going to school.

gotmyknickersinatwist · 09/07/2025 22:03

It might actually really help him to go into school & talk about it with close friends or a teacher. They may be able to help him see that seizures are a reality for some people & he did well to react the way he did. His instinct was to help so he should be proud of himself for that. Others' perspective can really help with something that seems catastrophic in one's own head.

Booboobagins · 09/07/2025 22:03

@Grey0 You know your DS better than anyone commenting. If you feel he needs time out then give him the option to take a day off.

Honestly everyone's opinion is really just that. They have no idea how your DS is reacting/feeling. He sounds like a lovely young man from what you've said - well done. He also sounds sensitive do might need a bit of distance from school.

It really is your and his call not anyone on here x

pilates · 09/07/2025 22:01

I would tell him how proud I was in the way he dealt with it but I wouldn’t keep him off school. We need to encourage resilience.

Motherfluffers · 09/07/2025 21:59

MissSmila · 09/07/2025 20:59

There was a thread years ago about someone who was traumatised because they had failed to save someone’s life. IIRC they could not have done more than they did, but they kept endlessly going over what happened and feeling guilty for not doing more.

I can’t find the thread now but I saved part of one comment because I thought it was helpful.

It said: “The two facts above have become entangled in your memory, thoughts, and combined with 'what ifs' have become a story that involves judging your involvement and actions. Trauma can kind of get us stuck to the point we endlessly cycle through thoughts trying to find a way out, or a reasoning for why we are feeling so bad, when the reason is simply that we've had a traumatic experience.

I hope that makes sense. Your trauma is making you feel bad, therefore your brain tells you there must be a reason for you to feel bad/guilty, therefore you are creating a story in which you are at fault. It probably really feels like you are at fault; but this is a trauma response. It's not an objectively accurate thought or belief.”

Your son has had a shocking experience and he is understandably feeling bad. His mind is looking for a reason to explain how bad he is feeling, and so it is leading him to question if he did enough or did the right thing as an unhelpful way of helping him understand his emotions. He will probably need help to break the cycle so he can understand he did the right thing and that his natural feelings of distress are to be expected and not a sign he did something wrong or did not do enough.

I don’t think it matters if you keep him off or not - I would be led by him. I think it’s more important to help him name his feelings and reassure him that they are a reflection of the horribleness of the situation and not his correctness of his actions.

Excellent post

Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 09/07/2025 21:59

Overreaction to keep him off, he didn’t have the seizure. Agree with PP who say SJ might not be for him if he struggles to get over this.

Fromage11 · 09/07/2025 21:55

Hello, I just wanted to say thank you really. My DS has epilepsy, he’s still very young, but one day he will have a seizure at school or walking home or in the park and I just hope that there will be someone like your son there if I can’t be. Watching someone have a seizure is terrifying, it’s not how tv portrays and I totally understand why your son is processing it for a minute. It sounds like he did exactly the right thing. There’s some brilliant videos by Young Epilepsy that explain exactly what’s happening when someone is having a seizure - maybe understanding it a little more would help him process?

CurlewKate · 09/07/2025 21:53

He deserves loads of praise. But he also needs to take it in his stride a bit. And part of that is going back to school.

BogRollBOGOF · 09/07/2025 21:53

Getting back into school will help him adjust and process it better.

Let his pastoral team know he's feeling wobbly to keep an eye out on him.

He did a good job Smile

RitaAndFrank · 09/07/2025 21:51

Well done him, but no, this is over reacting. Imagine if the boy who had the seizure himself went in tomorrow and your ds didn’t?

if you’re going to keep a child home this week for somewhat spurious reasons, I’d save it for Friday’s heat blast!

Toddlerteaplease · 09/07/2025 21:51

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/07/2025 20:10

That would be a huge overreaction. He doesn’t need a day off to ‘decompress’. Reassure him he did a great job and move on.

Exactly. Especially if he’s in St John’s ambulance.

elliejjtiny · 09/07/2025 21:49

Well done to your ds.

I really wouldn't keep him off though, it's probably better for him to be in school. My ds2 took an overdose during lockdown and after initially helping, then 14 year old ds1 asked to go back to his school zoom meetings. My 12 year old is a frequent flyer at the hospital so he has seen lots of different distressing situations. I find if you explain things to them and stay calm yourself then children find it easier to cope.

TheDowagerLadyUrsula · 09/07/2025 21:47

You have a level-headed boy who coped well in a crisis. There is absolutely no reason to keep him off school tomorrow and yes, it would be an overreaction.