Teacher unfair to dd(9)

I'd be sending the teacher an email, cc head, saying exactly what you have said above. YOU are disappointed with the teacher and how she has treated your DD over the coat room incident. Highlight everything that has been put on her during the year and that it has been at the detriment of her own learning and relationships with her own friends. She isn't there to make the teacher's life easier and act as a pseudo TA. She's a student and deserves to be able to concentrate in class, not supervise and help other children. I would finish by saying your expectation is that the teacher apologise to your DD and that her punishment is rescinded.

I mean ‘nark’ *

The teacher is not 'using' the child. The child is part of a class and will have to fit into wider society where not everyone behaves the same or follows the rules all the time.

You'd be complaining if the children who might disrupt lessons were not separated nd allowed to sit together, but you don't want them near your child.

She's in the same class, so that's that. She needs to respect the teacher's choices, do as she's asked and be honest when spoken to directly. If she doesn't, she's hardly the perfect pupil you describe.

Hello, I think you need to act up on this now because this sounds a lot like my husband. Sorry in advance, this is long winded:

My husband was one of four boys. He sounds a lot like your daughter, and his mum made him do the ironing, do the cleaning, and make the dinner. None of the other three boys had any of this responsibility. He did this because he was a ‘good boy’.So he grew up feeling like it was always his responsibility to take care of things like that. An essence the messages that you are less worthy.

His older brother when they were teenagers had a girlfriend his mum didn’t like. He would see her behind his mum‘s back. The mother would try and make my husband be caught out in a lie and ‘mark’ on his brother.

When we were all at university, one of the other brothers had a girlfriend she didn’t like, She would ring up and try and catch my husband out again in a lie to ‘mark’ on his brother.

Curt out a long story short, later in life he required psychological support to deal with the childhood pressure. And we now live 2 to 3 hours away from them, and have minimal input in family things because it finds it pressured and distressing.

I can just see this situation playing out, where our daughter is seen as a very ‘good girl’, and given lots of responsibility over and above that of her peers & expected to ‘tell’ on her peers.

You sound like a wonderful mother, you clearly know what’s going on and I think you should speak to the teacher Kindly and say you’ve noticed this pattern, and in no way do you provide permission for your daughter to be given additional responsibility on top of any of the other children.

Tell him you want her to treat her exactly the same as all others.

I think if my husband hasn’t been singled out as a good boy, a lot of upset in his life would’ve been avoided.

i hope this helps :)

Asking a capable child to explain a concept to other children is a well known teaching technique which is beneficial for the capable child and is that childs next step in mastery. In asking your child to do this the teacher is giving them a beneficial exercise to stretch them as it makes you think in a different way to have to explain how to do something to others.
Its not using your child!! It's for your childs benefit in their own learning

I find it interesting that you view these tasks negatively as lots of children would LOVE to be chosen for them.

Monitor roles are highly sought after in my daughter's class and the few times there has been a new student the children speculate hopefully that they might be chosen to buddy them?

What you are seeing a chores your daughter is being assigned your teacher might think of more like rewards for your daughter for her good behaviour!!

Surprised by the negative talk of 'snitches' and 'sneaks' on this thread. Of course teachers should be teaching our children to speak up when they see wrong doing?? It's not 'making them be the snitch'.... I can assure you children this age are generally only too happy to be telling tales on each other!

Dd was used like this unpaid TA work to the degree that she was specifically picked in the mixed class year group for her ability to teach the other children on her table I pulled her from the school in the end and she went to a school where she was treated like a child but it happened AGAIN in high school a thousand students loads of staff and teachers pulled her from lesson to fix their whiteboard the second or third time it happened her head of year stepped in and said not to do it again call tech support yes grabbing dd was faster but she needed to revise!

She said she will never be a teacher tbh I think she would have made a good one

I'm not defending the teacher. Just sometimes teachers, like all of us, will get something wrong at work. I am always very happy to apologise and try to make things right if a parent is unhappy - the teacher won't know you're not happy if you don't tell them.

She had apparently already spoken to this teacher in private around her treatment of 'good kids' and the teacher had refused to move DD based on 'class dynamics'. So I think she was making a point, and as much as anything making a point to my DD that she would stand up for her, that she was 'in her corner'.

You need to speak to the teacher. They need to know. Plus it may help for next year if the message gets passed on to the new teacher.

Oh dear, Friday Golden Time, it sounds very like my DS's school in Cornwall. They also used my friend's daughter in the same way. Complain but don't expect things to change much. Good children are often as a free TA.

I never said it was fair.
Your child won't be the only one who has done jobs across the year.
What did you want everyone on this thread to say 😂

My advice is to speak the teacher directly and tell her that YOU are disappointed in HER because you expected better behaviour from your child's teacher. Tell her she's wrong to have burdened your 9 year old with a 'snitch' job and then lectured and punished her for not putting herself in the firing line for bullying by the two culprits. Tell her that unless she rescinds the unfair punishment, you'll be taking it further to the headteacher. (I'm a retired HT and a Mum & Granny and I'm angry on your daughter's behalf).

OP, I opened this thread ready to disagree with you, but you are spot on.

I have no idea what to do about it but I have a vast amount of sympathy for your daughter.

I'm sure the teacher didn't intend this but even so...

Hey- I'm not your child's teacher.

I'm simply saying you might repeatedly choose a child for these things because you think they're kind, compassionate, helpful and nice children. You might feel you can rely on them to help support a bullied child or a child who can't speak English. You might not think the child is unhappy, especially if they / their parent never tells you they are!

While the incident needed dealing with and the teacher needed to be spoken to, this child have been handled better. The teacher should have listened to your child. But equally the head teacher should have spoken to the teacher privately. She could have taken your child out of the lesson under the guise of being needed for something

While the incident needed dealing with and the teacher needed to be spoken to, this child have been handled better. The teacher should have listened to your child. But equally the head teacher should have spoken to the teacher privately. She could have taken your child out of the lesson under the guise of being needed for something

I would email the school and say that you don't want your DD being given any of these tasks - cloakroom monitor etc. - next year without being consulted, as you feel she's been unfairly burdened with them this year.

I think you tell the teacher what you’ve written in your op.
hopefully, teacher will learn and apologise to DD, but also teacher will pass this onto next years teacher who will ensure they don’t do the same thing

Please advocate for your child or teach her to do it for herself. This was my daughter in year 1 and 2, until she had a breakdown at the overwhelming pressure to be 'the good girl' 'the nice girl' 'the smart girl' and put up with all kinds of rubbish from other children without moaning. 1 day she got up and refused to go in, refused to eat, and it all came pouring out. I called the school and had a long chat about how much she was struggling. Her teacher wouldn't help, so I called the head who marched in and moved her to sit next to her friend, much to her teachers annoyance. And told my daughter if she gets moved away from her friend she was to let her know.