Teacher unfair to dd(9)

I'm simply saying you might repeatedly choose a child for these things because you think they're kind, compassionate, helpful and nice children. You might feel you can rely on them to help support a bullied child or a child who can't speak English.

But we're talking about young kids here.

Surely the teacher shouldn't regularly be relying on any one child for anything?

As for the parents not saying anything-what if the kid says nothing because they just think they have to do as they are told at school & there's no point?

I would complain to the teacher and say you are disappointed in her treatment of your DD over the past year. It sounds so stressful 😥.

There is a bit of this. When my 'people pleaser' daughter finally stepped out of line and got into trouble, she then realised that it wasn't that bad and stopped pushing herself so hard to always be perfect. Honestly, her year 3 teacher must have thought I was mad - she asked to speak to me to raise a concern and I definitely smiled and maybe a small laugh, I was just glad she had relaxed a bit. I did apologise though and explain that I was so pleased she was now enjoying schol rather than trying to fit what was expected but I would definitely have a 'serious chat' with her about what she had done.

As frustrating as this is OP, you may end up finding long term that this was the best thing that could have hapenned.

Was she supposed to snitch??

I dont see a problem with the jobs but if she was supposed to be a snitch that's ridiculous.

I say this as a teacher. I would actively be discouraging snitching but it sounds like she was supposed to snitch and she's disappointed she wouldn't.

Even I would complain! What's the punishment for??? You can't punish a child for not being a snitch.

To hopefully stop it happening next year - don't wait until it starts again to complain. Your dd will already be flagged as the child to use in this way, so the sooner you say something and advocate for her, the better.

YANBU! I was this kid in class. I even remember at time knowing I was being used to make the teachers job easier.

Say something as it’s a burden to carry around.

I think your daughters punishment is a bit unreasonable. However quite a few of the things you mention such as helping in the classroom and being a new child's buddy are highly prized roles by primary aged children. Has she actually said she hates doing all these things ?

I have a dd like yours. Always got put next to the challenging children and it was their parents, not the school, who told me how my dd had helped their dcs. She never got a word of recognition. I wish I had said something something so you go for it Op!

Yeah this. If you've never told the teacher or raised it, they might not have realised. Still not too late to speak up

The point is the teacher knows you are unhappy and that she was unfair. Speak to the teacher and possibly send a follow up email to the headteacher and state you hope it will be a fresh start in September without the same issues.

You need to speak yo for your daughter and not be in the mindset of what's the point.

Be careful because if your DD is not chosen for anything next year you may not be happy either. I agree with a PP that your kid is not the only one chosen to be helpful.

Totally agree. I despise teachers like this. They were rife when I was at school and I can’t believe they’re still doing this. It’s awful for your daughter.

Most of the stuff you describe in fairy standard treatment of the well behaved, nice girls in primary schools.

However, punishing her because she didn't confront other children is really not on.

The teacher might have a bit of a blind spot and not have realised the impossible position your DD was in. Please explain it to her in a way that's helps the teacher going forward.

Fair enough

And then the whole room clapped

appointing one quiet child to stand at the door and watch so the bullies know it’s her who snitched is unfair. Even more unfair to give her the same punishment as the kids going the crime for being too scared to tell on them.

I think a face to face chat with the head ( who after all called her disappointing) about that in particular is better than an email which can be binned, misinterpreted or disregarded.

Also. Consider. What do you want to happen? What do you want out of the meeting. What changes would you like to see? And work towards that rather than expressing it as a complaint.

By all means have a meeting with the teacher or both.. but If you intend staying at the school, a softly softly approach ( galling as it may be because Id be so upset at what's been going on) and approach it more as DD is always picked for this, for that.. etc.. and give the list over the year, in calm, non emotive language.

Don't be swayed by any guff about "Oh but we are teaching children to be kind!" etc. Repeat your observations (rather than complaint) and then turn it round to
What could be done to improve things for DD in next year.
For eg... was there anything in her report to suggest that she wasn't performing to her full capacity.? You think she gets very distracted by xyz thing. Then you can say she found cloakroom role too much pressure, its eroded her confidence and damaged her relationship with her classmates. That sort of thing. Rather than "complaining" you could focus on getting across the effect its had on her.
Getting them to say what they are going to do differently next year. You want the meeting to be about drawing them out, making them say what they are doing and what improvements could be made ( be well prepared because they are skilled at telling parents to work harder, so refute all that)

If not satisfied you can then take it further. But I'd try softly approach first. Otherwise they may just dig their heels in, as its convenient for them.

I'd also help your DD get through the rest of term.. which is probably a few weeks as best she can and if it helps her to have a sickie on Friday to recover from this... well I think that's fully justified as she's been through a very unjust experience and it will give her time to de stress about it, rather than going into school still very upset. Take her out to have fun this weekend. Best of luck.

Depends on the children you’re being asked to explain it to. I was often given this role, and being asked to explain something to a few other children who couldn’t be arsed to listen to the teacher the first time and certainly had no intention of listening me did nothing to benefit me (or them tbh).

I’m a teacher and think that the threads criticising teachers are often unreasonable. In this case, however, I don’t think your concern is unreasonable at all. The cloakroom incident sounds like it has been poorly handled. A conversation with your child to get to the bottom of why they felt they couldn’t be truthful would’ve been better - and if there was a consequence, it shouldn’t have been the same consequence as the children causing the issue in the first place. I agree that it sounds like too much expectation is being placed on your child more broadly - obviously teachers do strategically pair and group children to different purposes, but this sounds a bit overwhelming.

Our school were so busy using " mastery" as an excuse to not engage the brightest children, by the time they got to year 7 , it became apparent that they hadn't been taught several mathematical concepts that the brightest children from other local Primary schools had learnt.

I would speak up for her, it’s one thing to use a chidk to explain a concept to another child or ask them to help tidy up or whatever every now and then but when it becomes a regular habit it is unfair and smacks of the teacher going for the easy option of using the nice compliant child instead of asking the less compliant children where the teacher will have to supervise and guide them.

My kids had this experience at school too so I had to advocate for them and tell the school no.

It’s lazy to take advantage of the well behaved kids to make the teacher’s life easier. If there is a need for some kids to suck it up eg sit next to someone unruly then the burden needs to be equally distributed around the class. Just because a child like yours doesn’t complain, it doesn’t mean that it’s going well or that they don’t mind.

Mine were much better at telling the teacher no by secondary.

I would change schools, this is completely unacceptable. If that’s not possible - could you afford to go private?

I’d be discouraging her from being ‘kind’ -surely she is also being taken for a mug. Where did she get the idea she has to be ‘kind’ to horrid kids? She needs to do what SHE wants to do not what makes her ‘kind’. And not being stuck with these awful kids is what she wants surely.

Did you read the op?

Well, the good thing is she won't be viewed as the "good kid" anymore since she lied to protect some vandals. The teacher will have to find someone else she trusts..