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Original poster

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
No3392 · 10/07/2025 01:52

Do you have any other brothers? Asking for a friend.

mummytrex · 10/07/2025 01:35

Unless there is a drip feed along the lines that you and all your parents are the siblings are funding them then it's none of your business and you are being massively unreasonable.

Lampzade · 10/07/2025 01:34

Honestjy Op, people like you scare me.
Your jealousy and bitterness is palpable .
You even had the nerve to speak to your brother about something that doesn’t concern you and doesn’t appear to bother him.

Do better ffs

PeteReturns · 10/07/2025 01:29

You are supposed to love these people.
They sound happy.
I can see why you would be jealous but it’s not an emotion that is going to serve you or change anyone else’s life.
Can you look for a different job with better management and hours that would make it easier for you to have another dog if that’s what you want?
Could you study part time?
Resenting and pondering about your sil isn’t going to make your life easier, nicer, or more fulfilling, but there are hundreds of other things that could.

Fancycheese · 10/07/2025 01:26

You’re envious, not jealous. You also come across as deeply unpleasant. Get a hobby and stop meddling in your brother’s life.

SleeplessInsomniac · 10/07/2025 01:26

If it weren't for you mentioning that your brother and SIL have no children, I'd wonder if you were my SIL.

I too gave up work after covid due to ill health, am in my 40s, and being supported by my husband. My dog is my shadow and goes everywhere with me. So I guess I am a full time dog mum too! But I do have kids. Actual school aged children, not baby goats 🤣. It works for us.

I'm afraid you do sound kinda jealous tbh.

TheDevilYouKnown · 10/07/2025 01:18

Um... You 'talked with your brother about this craziness'? Jeez, what a bitch. Stop being jealous, it's not her fault you're stuck in a shitty job. Get a better one? Retrain? Take in ironing??

To rub it in. We're also two people, DD and I. 3 bed house. I own it, mortgage-free and I'm not even 40 yet. I do work, in a highly-specialized and highly paid role. 3-4 hours a day, job is not difficult, nor particularly stressful (and nothing to do with illegal activities/only fans or similar).

We travel a lot, have 2 long holidays abroad/year (one month-long and one 2 weeks) and multiple short breaks in Europe. I don't have health issues and could work more, but cannot be arsed, I'm lazy. Life is pretty good as it is.

To top it all off, my dad's a wealthy man and I'm looking at a very substantial inheritance in the future. Although even without it, we're not on the breadline.

Wouldn't normally say any of this, but your OP is disgusting, trying to ruin another woman's life like that, splitting her and your brother, who loves her as you say.

ClairDeLaLune · 10/07/2025 00:29

claims to have a health issue

OP you are not just jealous but are proper nasty with it. What a bitchy thing to say. Rein it in or your DB will be going NC with you, and who would blame him. Inexplicably have a 3 bedroom house? Shock horror, how dare they have a house that suits them and they can afford??

SnowFrogJelly · 10/07/2025 00:29

Jelly

2021x · 10/07/2025 00:22

They sound like they have met their matches. I would say as long as they are not going into debt, and living with in their means, good for them.

Crispynoodle · 10/07/2025 00:15

Stiffnewknee · 10/07/2025 00:06

You’d probably hate us then! We both work but we have a 4 adult DC who have all moved out and we live in a 4 bedroom house. Ridiculous you don’t think they should have a 3 bedroom house! Why not?

Yup she will hate us too! We live in a 5 bed 3 rec detached house. We were going to downsize but found we would have to spend what our house is worth to get a 3 bed 1 rec bungalow so decided that was silly! Now I have a sewing room and an art studio/study and he has a book lined snug complete with beer fridge and telly for sports! I too used to be an NHS slave but swapped it to teach others healthcare to get a better work/ life balance OP needs to be proactive if she wants to better her situation

Bellyblueboy · 10/07/2025 00:15

😂 you would hate me. I am forties, single and have FOUR bedrooms!!

one is a study, one is a dressing room and one is a guest room. Then my master bedroom.

imagine what you would be saying about me!!!

SunnyViper · 10/07/2025 00:13

Absolutely none of your business.

steff13 · 10/07/2025 00:11

Well, too bad you couldn't have married your brother, I guess. 🤷‍♀️

Stiffnewknee · 10/07/2025 00:06

You’d probably hate us then! We both work but we have a 4 adult DC who have all moved out and we live in a 4 bedroom house. Ridiculous you don’t think they should have a 3 bedroom house! Why not?

TenaciousDeeds · 09/07/2025 23:59

Erm…sorry, it’s just none of your business. Don’t really understand why you’re posting on here tbh.

Namechangerage · 09/07/2025 23:58

Ah so sorry, it does sound like you are jealous. People are entitled to live however they like! Great for them that they are happy and can afford it. Hell, I’m jealous of her too 🤣🤣

yelladuster · 09/07/2025 23:56

@Allisnotlost1 It is usually when the person is posting from the perspective of the other person. So in this case if it were a reverse, the OP is really the Dog Mum and student with a three bedroom house and is making a post from her SIL's pov.

HangryLikeTheHulk · 09/07/2025 23:54

Oh and if she’s a “dog mum” she gave birth to… a dog

HangryLikeTheHulk · 09/07/2025 23:53

She’s having more fun than you !

BIossomtoes · 09/07/2025 23:52

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house.

claims to have a health issue

this craziness

She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on

You really, really, really don’t like her, do you? And yes, jealousy oozes out of every syllable of your post.

vegetarianlouise · 09/07/2025 23:51

If the roles were inverted and this woman was a man "studying and doing his craft" while the wife worked her bu-tt in a high paying job he would have been labelled as a cocklodger in 2 posts out of 3, but because she's a woman everybody gets to congratulate her as someone living her best life and the OP being jealous (which she is 😀)

The double standards on Mumsnet..😂

iamnotalemon · 09/07/2025 23:50

As others have said - it’s irrelevant as to whether they have children or not anyway but definitely irrelevant over the size of the house! You do sound jealous.

numberonepartyanthem · 09/07/2025 23:45

You are being unreasonable babe but I bet you feel so much better writing that out and why it annoys you.
now you have done that, try and move forward and listen to your inner voice, what is this jealousy telling you that you need more of …

Wigglytails · 09/07/2025 23:42

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

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