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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
Columbidae · 09/07/2025 18:42

You judgement is very unreasonable OP. I don't agree she has to get a job. I'm sorry you're unhappy, but they seem to have a great lifestyle.

You say she used to work and didn't have the opportunity to study before. So presumably she started working straight away and worked for years until this health issue. I assume her income and savings contributed towards the house at some point and the life they built together. She now keeps a lovely home and is studying so occupies her time. She and your brother are happy.

newyorker74 · 09/07/2025 18:42

Transfer some of your anger to me. Not only do I have a four bedroom, four bathroom house for just me and my partner (plus cat) but - SHOCK - we all have a second four bedroomed house in another location! So 8 bedrooms and no children at all.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 09/07/2025 18:41

How cheeky are you to have had a word with your brother about this?! As if the inner workings of his marriage are any of your affair!

SockFluffInTheBath · 09/07/2025 18:41

I’m jealous, you’re jealous, a lot of people on here are a little bit jealous.

Comparison is the thief of joy, OP. Be happy that they’re happy.

Rainbows41 · 09/07/2025 18:40

You ooze jealousy..... and unhappiness.
Leave your sil alone - she's happy and so is your brother.

Sunflowersinthesummer · 09/07/2025 18:40

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/07/2025 18:21

Ah, sounds like a lovely marriage, financially secure, studying, nice home, lucky dog.

Why is it any of your business.

Love it.

DH has just at 57 taken voluntary redundancy with my love and blessing. We have one spare bedroom and come September two spare bedrooms. We are converting the garage into a den and art studio for son’s guitar playing( the one left) and my husbands art studio. One bedroom kept whilst middle one is at university might also be a guest room and why the hell not.
DH is nearly through a history degree he has done part time for no reason other than pleasure.

I knit and I’m going part time in September at 52. 3 years and then I will retire too!

ObtuseMoose · 09/07/2025 18:40

That shade of green looks shitty on you.

Stilllifes · 09/07/2025 18:39

None of your business whatsoever.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 09/07/2025 18:39

Oooh man, you have got it bad.

That is HIGH LEVEL 🧌

There’s nothing ridiculous or weird about how they live as long as they can afford it.

You really do just need to focus on your own life, and let everyone else get on with it. Specifically, avoid criticising her or their lifestyle to your brother again, it will colour his view of you and hurt only you.

Woodworm2020 · 09/07/2025 18:39

Wow, you do you.

Nina1013 · 09/07/2025 18:38

I must immediately list my 4 bathroom/5 bedroom house for sale as I live there with (gasp!) only 2 other people.

I cannot believe you posted this, the jealousy is literally dripping from every word.

HamiltonsAnvil · 09/07/2025 18:37

Yabvu

RuthChrisSt · 09/07/2025 18:37

God, you're pleasant.

It works for them, good on them!

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 09/07/2025 18:37

Jealousy is not an attractive trait, OP.

CoralOP · 09/07/2025 18:36

Oooffff that was dripping in jealousy and venom.
I was financially comfortable enough (by no means rich) to drop down to part times hours a few years ago. I don't have a craft room (yet 😁) but would never think a member of my family was secretly hating me for it.
Concentrate on your own life and stop being so nasty.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 09/07/2025 18:35

I agree full time dog mum sounds a bit nutty but she is actually studying so it's not as if she's at home painting the dogs fingernails and giving him massages. She's a student. Your brother is happy to support this. They can afford it. It all sounds great! Especially if she started working from a younger age and missed out on time at university in her early twenties, why shouldn't she make up for it now.
Try not to be jealous, try to see it as just different from you.

Coolpotatoface · 09/07/2025 18:35

Jealousy is not a good look op. Why do you want her to be as miserable as you? Good on her for living her life the way she wants it.

Zempy · 09/07/2025 18:35

You sound horribly jealous. SIL is studying full time whilst her DH supports her. So what? It’s not affecting your life in the slightest.

Give your head a giant wobble

Ilikewinter · 09/07/2025 18:34

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. .....well will I piss you off when I tell you DH & I have a 4 bedroom house, no kids and a dog .... with 2, yes 2 offices because we both WFH 🤣

Juniperberry55 · 09/07/2025 18:34

@Nurseamy87 sorry yep you're jealous, it sounds like both of them are happy with their relationship and situations. Leave them to it. Some people live differently
I inexplicably live in a 3 bedroom house on my own, use one room as my office as I work from home a lot and the other spare room mainly houses my cats litter box 😂. I do have some debt and I do work, so there are plenty more comfortable than me. Also you said she claims she has a health issue, maybe she does and if so she may feel equally jealous of your lack of health issue
If their lives are upsetting you so much then look to see what you can do to change your own, don't feel bitter about those who are in a better position than you, that won't improve anything for you

Tiredandtiredagain · 09/07/2025 18:34

Tidy your junk
get a new job
MYOB

Skybyrd · 09/07/2025 18:33

Yeah, you're jealous.

My DH (of 30+ years) enjoys that I no longer work (health issues in my case, but still...) because he sees loads more of me when he WFH, than when I was out of the house 7.0am-6.30pm every day. Plus he now needs to do very little around the house, he just works, does a little gardening, does his evening dog walk for some fresh air and exercise and relaxes. We're much (financially) poorer on one income, but very, very happy.

We don't have/have never had a junk room either, we have his office/guest room, my office/garden sitting room and our bedroom (plus sitting room, kitchen etc.) Surely junk storage a really wasteful use of a room in a smallish house/flat?

I'm going to steal the term 'full time dog mum', I love it!

If you're not happy with your life then why not work towards changing it! Life is too short to be unnecessarily miserable or stressed.

BMW6 · 09/07/2025 18:33

Oh dear OP, your jealousy is unhealthy for you.

Jamesblonde2 · 09/07/2025 18:32

I think your brother is being a bit of a mug, but where I think YABU….What is the problem with 3 beds for 2 of them? Surely it gives them more living space downstairs, which you may not get with a 2 bed. And even if she didn’t use the 3rd bedroom, that could be a guest room. You don’t just buy tiny house because 1 or 2 people live there. You want living space for where you live.

Her dog mummy comments are cringey, I’ll give you that. She doesn’t have children so she’s not a mother. The dictionary clarifies that.

MaturingCheeseball · 09/07/2025 18:32

“I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness” - you cheeky mare!

And why ‘office’ in inverted commas for your brother? Can’t he have an office but by rights should perch on the edge of the kitchen table?