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Original poster

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
bumblebeedum · 09/07/2025 18:49

You want your SIL to be more miserable because you are? If they can afford it and are happy why not? I’d happily stop working and embrace hobbies if we could afford it.

Cheeseplantandcrackers · 09/07/2025 18:49

None of your business. You were wrong to approach your brother about his wife and I’m glad that he stood up for her. They both sound happy, it obviously works for them.

If you don’t like your job, do something about it.
If you have an unusable box room, do something about it.
If you want to change your life… get up and sort it out!

I hope that you don’t judge your patients in the same way.

Pickingmyselfup · 09/07/2025 18:48

If we could afford it and my husband would let me I would quit my job tomorrow and concentrate on me things as well as keeping the house clean and tidy and having proper meals on the table every night.

We have kids so I work school hours 4 days a week, it's pointless working more than school hours since with childcare I would have less time and no more money. I could pick up another day but I like having that day to get things done, appointments, tidying, gym, cleaning. It's worth having less money which would only go on crap anyway.

Maybe they feel similar?

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 09/07/2025 18:48

I would LOVE to be able to do this.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 09/07/2025 18:48

Full time dog mum... yes she sounds like a twat. My SIL took a yoga class and called herself a 'yogi' on her online profile. Yes I eye rolled.

As for the spare room I can't understand why not, if they pay for it. A large percentage of houses have lots of empty rooms as retired couples don't downsize or they move to holiday homes in Spain or wherever. Your annoyance about this is really wierd. It makes sense to use this as a hobby room and possibly a guest room too. DB is wfh so they need a bit of space.

I can't believe you had a go at your DB for his lifestyle choices. It makes you sound nosey and bad minded.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 09/07/2025 18:48

You are so jealous it’s horrible. Absolutely none of your business how many rooms they need

potplantsinparadise · 09/07/2025 18:48

YABVVJ

Their money, their marriage, their life. Why so much side-eye? It's his office, not his 'office', and if she has a health condition then that's what she has. I know a bunch of child-free couples who have similar sets ups (2 offices, 1 bedroom), and also a bunch of couples who have one office/craft-room each on top of bedrooms for the kids. I myself live alone in a 3 bed flat (2 beds, 1 office). Your SIL sounds like she's living a lovely life and you sound incredibly bitter.

Get the junk out of your spare room; look for another job or think about adding another income stream if you want less stress and more cash - if you're a nurse (as your username implies) that should be quite straightforward? Think about what you want from your life, and stop projecting your misery onto your brother and his wife.

redfishcat · 09/07/2025 18:48

You are jealous, but she is very foolish.
Is she getting NI credits towards her own state pension ?
Is she paying into a SIPP
and not being able to earn her own living is foolish in the extreme. It’s a mantra here for a reason, everyone should be able to support themselves with money they have earned or are earning.
Your brother may decide to divorce her, or worse, he may die or become an invalid How would she get a job now after years out of work ?

Grammarnut · 09/07/2025 18:47

It's none of your business how your brother and his wife live, nor what size house they have. You sound envious, which is not lovely.

Juniperberry55 · 09/07/2025 18:47

ZoggyStirdust · 09/07/2025 18:44

There will be a lot of support on this thread. Things like “good on her” and “if they’re happy let them do what they want”

if it was a woman working and a man being a “dog dad” he’s be a cocklodger and she should dump him immediately

If he had a health issue and was studying and the woman was happy to support him. I think people would say it was fine.

MellowPinkDeer · 09/07/2025 18:46

Anyone that considers themselves a ‘dog mum’ is lacking in other areas of their life imo. Don’t be jealous, she literally has no purpose, who would seriously want a life like that?!

Florence12345 · 09/07/2025 18:46

Gosh, I envy your SIL.

I would love to work less and relax and enjoy life more.

I think you're just jealous.

WaitedBlankey · 09/07/2025 18:46

If you “had a word” with your brother about this I hope he told you to shove your jealous interference where the sun doesn’t shine.

Their choices are none of your business. Good on them for having a lifestyle that makes them happy.

Dita73 · 09/07/2025 18:45

She sounds absolutely brilliant to me and I think describing herself as a “full time dog mum” is a fantastic way of letting others know to mind their own business

Autumnnow · 09/07/2025 18:45

Well to answer your question "Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?" no, it's not at all crazy and yes you are just jealous.

wobblyweasel · 09/07/2025 18:45

My goodness the jealousy just oozes from this post! They ‘inexplicably’ have a 3 bedroom house, what’s inexplicable about that?! They are living the life they choose, and you having a word with your brother! You cheeky mare! Hope he told you to sod off…

CantHoldMeDown · 09/07/2025 18:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 09/07/2025 18:45

Oh FGS it's none of your business, goodness knows why you felt you needed to discuss it with your brother. You just sound really jealous of him and his wife.

Why didn't you allow voting?

mugglewump · 09/07/2025 18:44

What is crazy about living your best life? You have made no indication that they are living beyond their means, so why not study to improve your mind instead of being a wage slave? Perhaps she is studying for a degree with a view to a career change? It sounds like they have a nice life, a nice home and a relaxed life style. Who wouldn't do this if they could?

RaininSummer · 09/07/2025 18:44

Sounds lovely and so long as they can afford it and it's a joint decision then there's nothing to say other than 'I wish that was my life'. Full time dog mum is a kind of joke as the dog isn't the reason she doesn't work is it?

ZoggyStirdust · 09/07/2025 18:44

There will be a lot of support on this thread. Things like “good on her” and “if they’re happy let them do what they want”

if it was a woman working and a man being a “dog dad” he’s be a cocklodger and she should dump him immediately

isitmeamithedrama · 09/07/2025 18:43

@Nurseamy87you’d hate me I live on my own in a 3bedroom house 😱 should I sell up and buy a studio flat or do I qualify for a 1bedroom? Currently one bedroom is a dressing room
I work full time and also have time to keep my house “so nice” it’s just what people do.

your jealousy is showing. Their life is nothing to do with you and “speaking to your brother privately” is just odd.

if you’re that unhappy with your life, change it but don’t try to belittle and drag down others

SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2025 18:42

Def jealous. It sucks you could only afford a 2 bed house and you both have to work to pay for it whilst they can afford more on one salary, but that's life.

JHound · 09/07/2025 18:42

Why are you watching her life? As long as the taxpayer is not funding it I don’t see the issue.

TheDandyLion · 09/07/2025 18:42

Your brother and Sil live similarly to DH and I however it's not 1 person in the relationship that works but we both work very part time - 15 hrs per week each. We live in a 3 bed with an office/studio each to play on our own hobbies.