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Original poster

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 09/07/2025 19:40

What on earth does the lifestyle of your brother and sister in law have to do with you? I also do not understand how owning a three bed house is 'inexplicable', it sounds as though they use all three bedrooms.

If they are happy and cause no problems to anyone, mind your own business. Resentment does you no good, it's a horrible emotion.

Tiredandtiredagain · 09/07/2025 19:39

Over40Overdating · 09/07/2025 19:36

Well at least you can feel better knowing your SIL doesn’t have a completely perfect life @Nurseamy87 - she’s got to suffer being related to you.

Maybe her hobby room and student life is your brother’s way of apologising to her for being exposed to someone as awful as you.

We need the laughing emoji back!!

EggnogNoggin · 09/07/2025 19:38

Omg you're so bitter and jealous 🤣🤣

Curious to know if you tried to disguise it in your post 🤔

Owl Jelly GIF
BabyCatFace · 09/07/2025 19:37

They are happy, you're bitter. It's not a good look.

Over40Overdating · 09/07/2025 19:36

Well at least you can feel better knowing your SIL doesn’t have a completely perfect life @Nurseamy87 - she’s got to suffer being related to you.

Maybe her hobby room and student life is your brother’s way of apologising to her for being exposed to someone as awful as you.

OneKhakiFish · 09/07/2025 19:36

Their choices led them to where they are now, happy and enjoying life. You sound very bitter, you need to take a step back, think of what would bring you joy. Discuss with your DH changes you can make to lead a more fulfilling life.

TinyPastry · 09/07/2025 19:36

What does this situation have to do with your own? Mind your own business.

tsmainsqueeze · 09/07/2025 19:34

I think you're a troll and if you aren't then you are very narrow minded and judgemental if you think the way someone lives that differs from your version of 'normal' is the wrong way to live.
It sounds like a nice life and if your brother is happy surely that's all that matters.

whitewineandsun · 09/07/2025 19:34

VanCleefArpels · 09/07/2025 19:32

So in your “real” world all childless couples should be in a one bed flat, no-one would be allowed to study for its own sake / one’s pleasure, no one would be able to pursue a hobby that requires space to do it, and everyone would gave to do a job whether they needed to or not.

i don’t much like your “real” world

👏

VanCleefArpels · 09/07/2025 19:32

So in your “real” world all childless couples should be in a one bed flat, no-one would be allowed to study for its own sake / one’s pleasure, no one would be able to pursue a hobby that requires space to do it, and everyone would gave to do a job whether they needed to or not.

i don’t much like your “real” world

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 09/07/2025 19:32

I'm in my 30s with a 4 bed and working 4 days pw 😂

ScouserInExile · 09/07/2025 19:32

Full time dog mum and arty person here. Hi 😁
Sorry that full time dog mum sounds stupid to you, but it's actually a very lovely thing being able to have this sort of bond.

My partner works full time from home, so our spare room is set up as his office. Me not working is a mutual decision because we choose to have cats and large dogs, which we don't want to send to a dogsitter. We make other sacrifices to afford this; we have one ratty car and we don't take holidays abroad or drink or go for meals out. We have a quiet peaceful life in a 3 bed semi with a small garden.

I don't really see why anyone else should be offended by our lifestyle...but, clearly, some people are.

Weirdly this thread is almost an exact copy of the "soft life" one from a few weeks back... It'll likely end up on the Daily Fail 🙄

Twiglets1 · 09/07/2025 19:32

You are SO jealous it sounds like it's eating you up.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 09/07/2025 19:31

Good for them.

Spidey66 · 09/07/2025 19:30

Me and my husband are late 50s/early 60s. He's retired on an NHS pension. I work part-time in the NHS. We don't have kidsbut have a dog and guess what....we live in a 3 bed. A combinations of buying at the right time in London then moving out to Somerset to make the most of the equity, plus some money inherited from parents after they died.

PlutarchHeavensbee · 09/07/2025 19:30

I have one of the rooms in my house converted entirely to support my lampworking and art, which I pursue in my spare time. My kids are grown and flown the nest so why shouldn’t I?

You sound incredibly bitter OP. Instead of envying your SIL’s life, why not focus on making yours better?

KittytheHare · 09/07/2025 19:29

Gosh you are soo jealous! Leave them be, sounds like they have a happy life.

PinkSwatch · 09/07/2025 19:28

Why is it "inexplicable" to own a 3 bedroom house when you have no children? And if your brother WFH why is him having a bedroom as an "office" (as you put it) a problem?

Justwaits · 09/07/2025 19:28

Your feelings for your brother warrant a thread in itself I suspect

PistachioTiramisu · 09/07/2025 19:27

Good for her - sounds like she has a lovely life. Don't be jealous - it isn't called the green-eyed monster for nothing.

whitewineandsun · 09/07/2025 19:27

As long as she has some money of her own, they should crack on.

She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

And this is just mean-spirited. Do her a favour and stay away from her.

You're so jealous it's dripping from the post. I live alone and have an extra room. It's a home gym. Maybe get rid of that chip on your shoulder.

BoredZelda · 09/07/2025 19:27

She’s doing it all wrong.

She needs at least another two dogs.

Nicebush · 09/07/2025 19:26

Sounds like she’s just unemployed and happy about it/enjoying it!

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 09/07/2025 19:25

This cannot be real. It’s no business of yours whatsoever.

AirborneElephant · 09/07/2025 19:25

You do sound very jealous. Why should she get a job? She’s happy, he’s happy. It’s not a role I’d choose but many millions of men and women are happy in a “traditional “ setup like that.

And why is a three bed house “inexplicable”? It’s just me and DH at home and we have a 4 bed. It’s nice to have the space if they can afford it. Are you one of those people who believe that childless couples should be relegated to one bedroom flats?