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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
ThisTicklishFatball · 09/07/2025 20:19

Your posts come across as full of jealousy, envy, bitterness, and resentment.

If you’re unhappy with your life, take steps to change it. Don’t pull others down with you.

LondonJax · 09/07/2025 20:19

Where are couples supposed to live? If she was WFH and she used the spare room as an office, with your brother in the room next door would that be OK? Because I don't see the difference between a 'craft' room and an office. But maybe that's because I set up a craft room about 10 years ago which has led to a small business. There's not much difference between a crafting hobby and a crafting business - apart from earning money from it. So what's the problem?

latetothefisting · 09/07/2025 20:18

You can't get out much if someone being a full time student is "crazy" and having one extra bedroom than people is "inexplicable."

Dodeedoo · 09/07/2025 20:18

You are jealous and so am I :)

JustSawJohnny · 09/07/2025 20:17

But I expect this is another drive-by thread, with a premise designed to provoke outrage.

Seems to be a lot of that on here lately.

Selfsetfree · 09/07/2025 20:17

Yes you do sound jealous but so am I! I think when you feel this way you need to look at what changes you can make to your own life. It works for them let them be!

DelphiniumDoreen · 09/07/2025 20:16

Sounds great to me.

Who are you, the work police?!

JustSawJohnny · 09/07/2025 20:16

They sound happy.

You sound jealous.

Mind your nose and try to deal with that bitterness, before it eats you from the inside out.

OneBrightMorning · 09/07/2025 20:15

Wow. You sound insufferable. But I expect this is another drive-by thread, with a premise designed to provoke outrage. The OP is unlikely to return. It's all very predictable. 🙄

Horses7 · 09/07/2025 20:15

You’re jealous.
She has an enviable life and you’d like it.

WhistlingStraits · 09/07/2025 20:15

Lol at ‘inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house’, like that’s a winged mansion.

If they’re happy, good luck to them. Some people are not interested in a career, so why work if you don’t need to?

GelatinousDynamo · 09/07/2025 20:14

I think this is rage bait, but in case it's not...

Jealousy Envy GIF by The Roku Channel
ThatRoseBear · 09/07/2025 20:14

This is a made up post where a bored Mumsnetter has too much time in their hands. Posts something ridiculous and then never returns to the thread....

BlueMongoose · 09/07/2025 20:14

These are matters between your brother and his wife, and none of your business.
I'm not surprised she hasn't discussed her health issues with you, I wouldn't.

IberianBlackout · 09/07/2025 20:13

Unless she’s living off of everyone else, it’s really none of your business. And even if she is, she somehow got the money so she’s entitled to it.

Her life sounds like a dream, to be honest. I’m a single parent and frankly the first thing I’ll do when DD is raised and moved out is reducing my hours. What am I slaving away full-time for? I want to dedicate some time to my own interests too.

Iamnotalemming · 09/07/2025 20:11

I once had an unreasonable neighbour who objected to my planning permission application to build rooms in my enormous loftspace because I didn't have children so why on earth did I need all that space (when he and his equally weird wife were raising their three children in the same sized home that we had).

You remind me of him.

Wtfneighbour · 09/07/2025 20:11

SIL, SIL, SHES OUR MAN! IF I CANT HAVE THE LIFE SHE LIVES, NOBODY CAN! 🤸

JohnnyLuLus · 09/07/2025 20:11

What do you mean by this: "Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! "
It clearly is realistic for them because they're doing it. What you mean is that you can't afford to live like that.
You're clearly jealous. But fair enough, I am too! I'd love to live like your sil and DB.

And FWIW my friend and his partner owns a six bedroom house, just the two of them. Lucky them.

cloudyblueglass · 09/07/2025 20:10

If it works for them, it’s none of your business

Inyournewdress · 09/07/2025 20:07

Is this a reverse?

I don’t think it is at all odd to have a three bedroom house or bigger as a couple, most people can really use the extra room so why not if you can afford it. I also know several mature students. Couples can decide as they wish if they are both on board.

You don’t really know anything about their lives or decisions or health factors, so your assumptions are likely to be both inaccurate and mean.

If you don’t get a grip on your jealous and judgmental attitude you’re going to really damage your relationship with your brother.

LoveItaly · 09/07/2025 20:06

You really need to work on your envy, that kind of negative emotion won’t make for a happy life for you. Plus you risk alienating your brother if you keep displaying it.
Working for the NHS is laudable, but it doesn’t give you the right to judge other people in this way.

FigsOfFury · 09/07/2025 20:06

You are being massively unreasonable. Yor brother is in a seemingly happy and loving relationship that works for them both. Be happy for him.

FigsOfFury · 09/07/2025 20:06

You are being massively unreasonable. Yor brother is in a seemingly happy and loving relationship that works for them both. Be happy for him.

FigsOfFury · 09/07/2025 20:06

You are being massively unreasonable. Yor brother is in a seemingly happy and loving relationship that works for them both. Be happy for him.

Itrymybestyesido · 09/07/2025 20:05

You should feel happy that your brother is happy. You SIL contributes to his happiness.