Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 09/07/2025 20:57

I guess the downside of this for your SIL is she is totally helpless without him. If he left
she would be screwed. Which would be the fly in the ointment for me

4forksache · 09/07/2025 20:57

Their life, their decisions.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 09/07/2025 20:56

I live by myself in a 4 bed house with the most ridiculously pampered toy poodle, so you’d hate me!
Honestly get over yourself, you’re clearly jealous and why do you care about your SILs life choice, your brother is happy so get over yourself!

Notashamed13 · 09/07/2025 20:56

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 09/07/2025 20:55

I wish I was your SIL 😆

Drainpipejeans · 09/07/2025 20:54

Comparison is the thief of joy!

Bepo77 · 09/07/2025 20:53

This has to be a joke. Where's he meant to work, the toilet? Also you CHOSE the nhs.

Butchyrestingface · 09/07/2025 20:52

"Dear Mumsnet, AIBU to think my brother should have married ME and given ME the soft girl lifestyle I not-so-secretly crave rather than some genetically unrelated and undeserving barren whore lazy dog mum? I am merely CONCERNED rather than jealous, btw."

Rephrased the thread headline for you, OP. Granted it's a bit longer and not quite as catchy but I did what I could with scant material. Grin

SlashBeef · 09/07/2025 20:51

I genuinely dont understand how it's any of your concern at all?

Channellingsophistication · 09/07/2025 20:51

The only craziness in your post is a) someone saying they are a dog mum !? And b) the fact that you have spoken to your brother about it! Why on earth would you do that?

There's no craziness in their lifestyle. I would say it could leave your sister-in-law vulnerable if they ever separate in not having a job, but it's up to them. They are happy and you should be happy for them.

SunnyValemin · 09/07/2025 20:51

Why does it matter they have 3 bedrooms and no children? I have the same set up, I wanted children but can't have them now due to treatment for cancer. Should I downsize because of that?

You sound jealous

WilfredsPies · 09/07/2025 20:50

I wonder whether this is a reverse? I think it must be. Either that, or it’s a poor attempt at humour. If it is a reverse, then you should be banned for a month for being so bloody annoying, but before you go, I’d very much like to see a photo of your craft room.

manicpixieschemegirl · 09/07/2025 20:49

I’m pretty sure this is rage bait but if there is a woman out there who was able to give up work in her 40s to do some studying, pursue hobbies and look after her dog, all while having a lovely home and supportive husband, then more power to her. It sounds idyllic!

Takestwohourstoniptotheshop · 09/07/2025 20:48

😂 Why is any of this your business?! We’d all do it if we could 🤣

howaboutchocolate · 09/07/2025 20:48

I find this thread so fascinating because usually on mumsnet if a sahm says she doesn't work but her kids are at school, she's met with "what do you do all day?" "I could never be financially dependent on my DH" etc etc with the implication that she should be working. But if you're child free then it's fine?

Equally, if a man was living off his wife's salary so he could study and look after the dog, there would be many cock lodger type comments.

Shoemadlady · 09/07/2025 20:47

it’s really none of your business. You’re clearly just jealous. Good luck to them!

cumbriaisbest · 09/07/2025 20:46

I was utterly bewildered the other day when I rescued a dog that was in the road.
A woman would down the window of a van and yelled " It's OK , I'm a dog Mum"
What on earth?

fount · 09/07/2025 20:43

I'm lucky enough to have a room of my own for my interests. DH has one for his, too. I understand being jealous, but it's really not that extreme to have a couple of spare rooms if you don't have children at home.

The only problem here would be if your DB couldn't support them on his income or wasn't happy being the sole breadwinner, and you say he's satisfied. So there's no problem.

You should look for ways to improve your own life, as much as possible, rather than wasting energy resenting your SIL.

3luckystars · 09/07/2025 20:43

I have spoken to my brother!! 😧That’s the bit that my eyebrows really went up at.

whistlesandbells · 09/07/2025 20:41

“I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness”

Frankly, how dare you! Trying to interfere in the marriage of two happy people. Nasty 🤮 Then post about it… 🫣

Spotthering · 09/07/2025 20:41

Magicpaintbrush · 09/07/2025 20:23

Omg. That is the bitterest, most jealous thing I've ever read. Bitter, bitter, bitter. So judgy, and yet it sounds like you don't even know what your SIL is studying for? Maybe she's re-training in something so she can go back out to work. I'd hate to have you as a SIL begrudging my every move. You make yourself sound very small. Presuming your SIL isn't evil and hasn't done anything terrible to you, why can't you be happy for her? Or does everyone have to be miserable because you are? A very unattractive trait.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Troubleclef · 09/07/2025 20:40

Why do you care what they do? You sound so jealous.

Moveoverdarlin · 09/07/2025 20:39

We bought a 4 bedroom house when we had 0 children. Who knew it would piss people off?

Cheeseplantandcrackers · 09/07/2025 20:38

I also live in a three bed, no dc at home so the rooms are our bedroom, spare room, office. ‘inexplicable’!

I’m also a ‘NHS slave’ but I love my job, love my SIL and don’t worry about what others choose to do with their life.

3luckystars · 09/07/2025 20:38

I was reading and reading waiting for the ‘crazy’ bit. What are you actually talking about?

It sounds like a lovely life. We are the crazy ones working.