Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
Newmumburnout · 09/07/2025 22:02

Your jealous. Sorry

Mamabear487 · 09/07/2025 22:01

You sound jealous. Yabvu

Pleasethankyou · 09/07/2025 22:00

You’re jealous (It’s OK to be jealous, use it positively how can you bring a bit of what she has into your life? What exactly are you jealous of? Do you like her? Do you need a bit of distance from them? The important thing is to try and control your jealousy rather than the other way round.

This is the life of the child free!

Bluecat7 · 09/07/2025 21:59

It sounds lovely! Personally, I would be worried about the lack of pension if I wasn’t working. If this is what you’d like for yourself then can you do something about your own life? It’s miserable to feel stuck and jealous.

Xyloplane · 09/07/2025 21:59

It sounds like a perfect example of two people cutting their cloth according to their means OP. And making their lives work for them rather than the other way around. More people ought to do the same. And what is the obsession with whether or not they have children? Is it that it would make you feel better if they have more financial worries and commitments?

glittereyelash · 09/07/2025 21:56

Your brother and his wife are happy with this arrangement so I don't see what the problem is. Focus on what you can change in your life rather than resenting what someone else has.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 09/07/2025 21:56

My BIL and his wife have a 5 bed house. They can afford it because they don't have any kids. This not a crazy way to live, if she doesn't need to work and doesn't want to and her partner supports this why would she go out and get a job just because YOU think it's crazy not to.

BrendaBleddynsBeachBall · 09/07/2025 21:54

It was genuinely hard reading something so filled with envy. I feel sorry for you a bit. I get it, life can be difficult. But you just sound awful.

Rewis · 09/07/2025 21:53

Living the dream!

MrsMitford3 · 09/07/2025 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Catladyof7 · 09/07/2025 21:49

Had to post this.
I own a 3 bed house, decent garden no kids, live on my own
Retired and have 7 rescue cats that are spoilt rotten
Never wanted kids or to live with anyone .
Very, very happy

Skippydoodle · 09/07/2025 21:47

You sound like a vile person, it’s absolutely NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

YourWildAmberSloth · 09/07/2025 21:47

How does your brother tolerate a jealous judgemental sister who sticks her nose in his marriage?

LittleArithmetics · 09/07/2025 21:47

I'm in my 40s with no children, and even more inexplicably have a FOUR bedroom house! Someone call the police.

LillyPJ · 09/07/2025 21:46

You sound jealous. Some people are luckier than others and there's nothing wrong with her deciding to study - or do anything else for that matter - if she has the chance to do so.

TwoIsNewFive · 09/07/2025 21:46

Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!!

Why should she? Sounds they are both living a great live. They have space and money to live. Stay at home partner has time to provide a level of care a working one can't.

Technically, she is risking getting into a hard situation if they ever split, but given she is studying now, maybe she would be ok.

Augustone · 09/07/2025 21:45

Sorry but you sound extremely jealous of her and her life choices. Their relationship is absolutely none of your business, they sound happy and it works for them so surely that is the most important thing.

Instead of being so jealous and bitter, why not look at your own life and make some plans to change the things you don’t like - stop being so mardy (sorry, best word I can think of to describe you) look to your own life and mind your own business.

im off to report them for having a 3 bed house when they don’t have children- the shock and horror of it all🙄

Hotflushesandchilblains · 09/07/2025 21:43

Wow!

She and my She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house.

What? I have a 3 bedroom house and live by myself. Its none of your business!!! You sound bitter and the tone of your post is so unpleasant.

babyproblems · 09/07/2025 21:40

I think this is none of your business! You clearly aren’t happy being an ‘nhs slave’. I suggest you look at your life and see what you want to change.. life is too short to coast along feeling obliged to do things you really don’t want to do! Who are you being an ‘nhs slave’ for?? The public? Honestly do something for yourself. It’s your life and you only live it once. X

NewPlaceToGo · 09/07/2025 21:40

They sound great.

FlamingoQueen · 09/07/2025 21:37

I’m sorry, but you need to get a grip. Why do they ‘inexplicably’ own a 3 bedroom home? It’s up to them what they have.

Bestfootforward11 · 09/07/2025 21:36

I’m sorry but you sound really jealous. And also judgemental. None of what you describe is weird, it is just not what you are doing/have. If their financial set up works for them that’s the only thing that matters. You say your brother worships the ground she walks on so she clearly brings something positive to the relationship. It’s not unusual for someone to have a home office in a house. And if there’s a spare room, why not use it for crafts etc just as some people may use a shed or garage? Should only your brother have use of an extra room?
I think the thing to focus on is why you feel like this. You’re clearly devoting a lot of time to thinking about her lifestyle, such that you’ve spoken to your brother and posted on here. What can you change about your own life that would make you happier? You say you have a room stuffed with junk, you could sort that so you have use of the room in some way. Our box room is my office. It sounds like maybe you’re missing your dog too. Any courses you can do? Or hobbies you can take up?
I hope things feel better for you soon.

RisingSunn · 09/07/2025 21:34

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

She doesn't need to do anything - if she and her husband are fine with their set up.

So yes, you are being jealous.

Also, some people may not want subscribe to your your 'real world' .

bouncydog · 09/07/2025 21:34

Simply awful of you to post this. It is entirely the business of your brother and sister in law and nothing to do with you. As soon as they realise the extent of your jealousy they are likely to have nothing to do with you and it will serve you right.

PopeJoan2 · 09/07/2025 21:34

VanCleefArpels · 09/07/2025 19:32

So in your “real” world all childless couples should be in a one bed flat, no-one would be allowed to study for its own sake / one’s pleasure, no one would be able to pursue a hobby that requires space to do it, and everyone would gave to do a job whether they needed to or not.

i don’t much like your “real” world

Neither does op, which is why she is so angry with SIL.