To be wobbly about the relationship with grown dd?

Why doesn’t she have mates to catch up with when she returns?

All the forced fun in exhausting!! What are the games??

I hate games ,so she is planning what you are cooking at xmas

I am a socialble introvert - if love to have parties or get together s when she comes so she sees our life ( balanced with downtime) but she says she has come to see just us and a lotof local s are werid.
So when she comes we spend little time in out little village but outside it .

Do not allow her to isolate you from your friends. If you want to throw a party, throw one and expect her to be polite to guests and not to sulk. Or else to remove herself for the entire duration of the party. Don't allow her to disrespect your other guests by moping around seething with barely concealed hostility just because she can't have her own way.

Lose the mindset of throwing a party for her though. It isn't, by your own admission. It's for you, you want to show off your life to her. Why? Just be yourself. No need to show off.

Oh and also, she's given you the perfect out for not going on holiday together again. Seeing as she found it so tiring "looking after you" last time 🙄

She sounds bossy; all you can do is keep telling her when you don't want to do the things she is pressuring you to do and let her sulk if needs be.

When they get the games out stand firm on not joining in. If it causes problems and they can't just play the games among themselves whilst you read or watch your favourite TV show etc then tell them the games need to go back into the car, no iffs or butts, get it done.

You're walking on eggshells because she's being controlling. People pleasing won't fix that. That's just your version of attempting to control the situation and it doesn't work. She's a guest in your house, there shouldn't be a situation to need to control!

Don't have house guests who treat you like shit, no matter who they are. If people can't be polite and you don't want to cut them off because they're family, then relegate them to a hotel. You go out for the day, or for a meal or whatever, then you go home and they go back to the hotel. It gives you all a chance to do your own thing.

Don't expect her to like it or to agree, so don't ask her to go to a hotel, tell her she can't stay with you, next time she proposes to visit for a week. Use "broken record" assertiveness. It's not convenient. Why? Because it doesn't suit you. Why? Because you don't feel it works. Why? Because it's inconvenient.

Don't give reasons, don't JADE yourself (justify/argue/defend/explain), she'll only argue against your reasons and try to gaslight you into thinking you're in the wrong for wanting to be treated with a modicum of respect in your own home. Flipping it around and making it all about her and how hurt she is by this behaviour, making out you're the bad guy and totally ignoring her own awful behaviour and control freakery towards you.

Why cant you just say to her in advance something to the effect of "We love seeing you and can't wait for you to come. But you know dad is 66 and I'm X - we're not spring chickens anymore and need our downtime too. So why don't you get in touch with (insert name of someone local she knows) so you can go for a drink when we're unwinding" ??

Let her sulk, life is about given and receiving, nobody likes a bossy boots.
Does she have friends?
She needs to learn to allow other people be themselves.

I think you're overthinking it.

So what if you displease her? That's her problem, not yours?

Why are you letting her bad-mouth your husband to you? Insist that she doesn't, get cross with her if needed, but one way or another you need to shut those comments down. As your husband should if she complains to him about you. She's being incredibly rude. Who does she think she is? She doesn't own you. Who GAF if she kicks off over the games? Tell her if she doesn't rein in her temper she'll need to leave. Who made her king and everyone else must obey?

If this was my relative and o didn't want to say anything, visits would be limited to a short weekend only. Arrival after the evening meal on Friday night and leaving before noon on Sunday. Anything else is way too much with someone this needy. She's using you for 24/7 entertainment whilst she's there and getting annoyed you don't want to provide it. It's very rude. She's not empathetic, she's narcissistic. It's all about her, how she feels, what she wants. Even when you explain your perspective she outright refuses to see/hear it!

I know it was you who described her as empathetic in this case, but often it's people themselves doing it. Whenever I hear someone say they're "an empath", "a highly sensitive person" or "hugely/overly empathetic", I always know instantly I'm dealing with someone self-obsessed in the extreme, who will relate others pain and suffering back to themselves and how difficult they find it to bear just hearing/knowing about it. Someone who will seek to control others as a way of managing their own negative emotions, which of course they'd rather not have to feel. So if they can manipulate someone else into doing what they want, via guilt-tripping or snarky comments, all so they don't have to feel those emotions, then they will do that.

Either cut the visits very short or explain in advance that if she comes for a week she's going to need to fit into your usual family routine and that you won't be running round entertaining her 24/7 although of course you'll be happy to go out with her sometimes. If she kicks off at this at any point before or during the visit, tell her to STFU, grow up and stop acting like a spoilt brat.

It's incredibly insensitive and presumptuous of her to be bringing her games to the home of people who don't enjoy playing them. The fact she's having to bring hers because you don't own any should be enough of a hint! Tell her not to bring them, that you're not into them. If you visit her house and her family plays games every Friday night then you of course join in for a while out of politeness, but when she's in your house she fits in with you.

Why are you going along with what she wants constantly? Just say no.

You sound like you’re frightened of her, or at least her disapproval. She needs a firm talking to, in my view. My DS25 does not expect us to dance to his tune when he’s over, and neither did we expect it of PIL when we were in our 20s visiting them. They continued with their own lives. They went out almost every Saturday night with their friends. They didn’t stop just because we were there.

How did you treat adult guests and visiting relatives when she was growing up, ooi?

Does she think that she is now a 'guest' and wants to be treated accordingly (full attention while she is there, special joint activities etc) whereas you are actually just treating her in the same way you did when she lived at home (pleased to have a chat and a cuppa or watch TV together etc but mostly getting on with your own lives, treating her as a child of the family rather than a Visitor).

Does she have adhd? She sounds a bit like my eldest. Needs continuous entertainment, I've often thought he should employ a jester.