Dd ,26, is very kind and empathetic when she wants to be and is in the mindset.l
I find the dynamic between us challenging .. aibu ?
Examples
she lives quite far away . Understandably when she visits she wants to cram in doing as much as possible with us .
This involves us at night time watching tv she likes and games - which dh and I do not like - but we do a couple and engage.
Then after a few rounds dh and I usually want to stop and do something else.. when we see her its “ oh you dont want to play games/ why dont t you like them and there is definitely a tension around it - as if we have to be seen to play games each visit as she brings them .
We have just been on holiday with her.
we had a fab time but also she told us that she felt she had to look after us , plan And that it was tiring.
She did not have to do that- but if she had noy booked taxis etc , we wd have done do - maybe to diff places and at a different pace .
i seem to remember going to the local market and cooking also so its not as if was doing nothing
It feels to us that if we do what she wants she is happy but if we step outside that she is easy to flip into irritation.
for eg when she visits - sometimes for a week , if I go upstairs to read for a while - it gets noted.
she says something like oh when zi come you go up to your retreat - cubby hole. ( a small bedroom i use to read)
when out ds comes he chills, goes to his room for a bit but when dd comes we feel ‘ monitored’ - an to be seen to be ‘lacking ‘
/judged - this has led to us feeling a little on edge when she comes which compounds the issue.
She seems to want us in her life but we feel we are a disappointment !
exa