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Original poster

Friend pressuring me to have a baby

183 replies

Inthedark1 · 09/07/2025 14:16

Myself and DH have decided not to have kids. I have always been somewhat unsure and took a while to make a decision whereas he has been very sure. As I've grown older I've actually became more sure of I don't want them either - I grew up in a single parent home that struggled to make ends meet, I have never had a relationship with my father and was sexually abused by the main father type figure I had as a young teen.

I was away with a group of friends a few weeks ago and conversation somehow got on to this subject after a few drinks. They all have young kids and I felt pressured to go into the details I mentioned above as to why I don't want them and they didn't seem to think these were good reasons not to have kids. They all seem to think I'd be a great mother and that I am just against kids because DH is, it now has me doubting myself again. One of them has even followed up by text to try and discuss it again this week. Do these sound like valid reasons to make the decision to not want to have kids?! If so how would you respond to this sort of pressure?

OP posts:
Rainbow321 · 09/07/2025 14:29

It's ultimately your decision on whether you want to become a mother , a partner that agrees is great or they may choose to end the relationship to have,a child if that is their wish .
A friends opinion on if you should have a child is just that , An opinion .
Smile and shut down the conversation .

myheadsjustmush · 09/07/2025 14:28

Your body.
Your life.
Your marriage.
Your choice.

This is nothing to do with your friends whatsoever. Don't have children just because someone else thinks you should.

Smittenkitchen · 09/07/2025 14:28

This is really odd behaviour on their part. I always felt very sure I wanted to have kids but I can't imagine trying to convince somebody else they did when they had clearly stated they didn't. It's one thing talking about it and asking about your thoughts and perspective in and interested and respectful way but trying to pressure you into changing your mind is very odd. You sound very sure about your decision so don't let them make you second guess yourself!

toastofthetown · 09/07/2025 14:27

You don’t need any reason to not want children other than you don’t want them. It’s your life and not your friend’s and why a friend wants to discuss it with you again is bonkers. I have a baby and my closest friend is childfree by choice and the idea that I would try to convince her on multiple occasions to have a baby is unfathomable. I wanted a baby and it’s hard work, god knows what it would be like if I had a baby because a friend doesn’t understand different people might make difference decisions.

Makingpeace · 09/07/2025 14:24

You need better friends.

Your reasons to not have babies are your own, in the same way that their reasons to have babies are their own.

All are valid. All should be respected.

Rolypoly27 · 09/07/2025 14:22

As a mum of a toddler who always wanted to be a mum:

Your friends are downright out of order. You absolutely are allowed to decide to have no children, you can still have a beautiful life with or without children. There is so much out there. Having young children is no excuse to put pressure on someone to also have kids. I can’t even believe that you explained to them and they told you the reasons aren’t good enough.

Gastons5dozenEggs · 09/07/2025 14:22

They're just jealous because you have all the time in the world and able to sleep!

MemorableTrenchcoat · 09/07/2025 14:19

You don't need any reasons to make the decision to not want kids. Tell your friend to mind her own business.