Friend pressuring me to have a baby

Also - just to add to my previous post, I love my son dearly and he is an angel. But I don’t find motherhood ‘fulfilling’ as such. It doesn’t define me in that way. I’m a good mum and he’s a lovely boy but I have a life outside of him, y’know? That’s not to say I regret having him - I don’t one bit.
But I have to say hand on heart I have no idea how people cope with more than one or children with special needs etc. massive hats off to them.

Tell her there's more than enough humans on the planet without you adding to the population and its weird as fuck she thinks its any of her business what you do

Wow, your friends are overstepping MASSIVELY there! A valid reason for not wanting children is simply “I don’t want them” you shouldn’t feel like you have to explain yourself!

FWIW, my friendship group is the opposite way around, I’m the only one with a child and they all have very fulfilling lives. One of them asked me my honest opinion on it as she was on the fence and I explained it all - both good and bad. It’s not for everyone and that’s ok. What’s not ok is having a child when it’s not for you!

I was going to say so your friend thinks you should take her advice, divorce your DH and find someone who wants DC but it's worse than that, she thinks you should get pregnant against his will, and all this when you don't want a baby in the first place. You need better friends Op, much better friends

I can understand how a conversation came about and that they said you’d be a good mum (if you chose to have kids) I think that’s all ok and normal assuming you were ok to talk about it but the one following up via a text and wanting to talk about it more is completely overstepping. I can’t imagine why she is doing that or why she isn’t busy enough with her own life to even give it more thought!

Massively out of order for your friends to do that, I’d be rethinking those friendships. However, I do know women who have been convinced by partners who didn’t want kids that they didn’t want them either (I was nearly one of them), only to really regret it later on. Absolutely fine to not want kids, I have friends who made that decision for themselves before meeting their partner, and it was a key thing they felt needed to be agreed on at the beginning of any relationship. But you say you weren’t sure to start with, and are now having doubts again. You need to figure out what you want, without any regard for anyone else’s opinion on the matter.

I’ve been the friend without children (before my baby obviously) sitting though conversations about pregnancy/babies and I think part of it is that it’s all consuming. I have three month old and my whole life for the last three months has been caring for him. That’s why people should only have children if they really want to, and weird friends should stay out of reproductive choices that aren’t theirs. I wouldn’t mean to make anyone feel like their life was less for not having children, but my what have you been up to small talk is all about the baby at the moment.

If your DH doesn't want kids then it doesn't really matter whether you do if you are going to stay together, as the one who doesn't want them should trump the one who does. Never bring a child into a relationship when one parent doesn't want them. So no-one should be pressuring you as your DH doesn't want them anyway. But if you don't want a child your reason for that is valid whatever it is.

Your friend sounds batshit! Who on earth follows up with text like this! It’s absolutely nothing to do with them. Your reasons are your own and are as valid as anyone else’s.

I used to get this. Always from ‘friends’ who were jealous of my free time, extra disposable income, nice holidays, etc. Ignore. It’s really rude of them to go on about it, it’s none of their business.

You don't need valid reasons to convince anyone why you're not having a child! Tell them mind their own business

Respond to them through the medium of GIFs of all the things they're missing out on. Make them jealous 😎

I'd make new friends. In my experience more active hobbies (like sports) have a lot of happily childfree people in their 30s looking for new friends.

Shut that shit down right away! Why do they think their opinion even matters? It would be a laughable reason to bring a child into the world. They just want everyone to be in the same club as them.

I have loads of friends with kids and none of them have ever tried to pressure me, in fact one said: stay the way you are, you really wouldn’t like it. 😆

Agree with what everyone has said but just to try and think why your friends are being this way, and the fact we only have your side of the story, are they maybe concerned your partners point of view and feeling so strongly about it is influencing you to think that way, and they’re worried you’ll regret that later? How do they view your partner?

Definitely tell her to piss off. If she doesn't, just keep badgering her about why she had kids and dismiss every reason as a bad one. (Go on about climate change and AI taking all the jobs maybe!)

I actually think it should be the other way around. That people should not have kids unless they have a genuine reason to have them.

In my case I have always wanted kids - almost in the way that I have always wanted oxygen - it was always more of a need than a want. And I have them and I am really glad. They are fab. But sometimes it has been really hard. I can’t imagine dealing with it when I was ambiguous about having them in the first place.

To someone who wants kids no (perfectly valid) reason would ever be enough not to have them. I mean people bring kids into the most terrible circumstances, it's because they're usually selfish and thinking about themselves not the kid. I can guarantee you've put a lot more thought into NOT having kids than they ever did into having them! And that's a very good thing. They just want you to have them as they have nothing to talk about but babies.

This is probably the first time there has been a direct conversation about it so think I need to just tell that friend to pss off lol!*

Yep, I would!

How entitled do you have to be to even think you’re entitled to an opinion on wether a friend wants to have children or not to start with, let alone to voice it and in front of a whole group of people. If this were me, I’d be reviewing the friendship altogether. Someone that thinks it’s ok to project their insecurities on you and in such a public forum, is in my opinion not a friend at all. It’s no one’s business but yours.

I wouldn’t even ask someone if they wanted children, because it doesn’t affect me. If they raised the topic themselves and wanted to discuss, fair enough, but to outright call you out for something that’s literally none of their business?! I’m astounded!

Your friends are CFers! The one who texted you is totally overstepping!

Its absolutely none of their business why you don't want kids.
Do not try to explain or defend your decision any more.

Tell them firmly to butt out.

I would respond along the lines of

i assume you think you are coming from a good place, however you are not. What we decide we are going to d about children is no one’s business but ours and you will have to trust me when I say I don’t want children. Please stop interfering in our business

Those aren’t friends!

I’m actually shocked that they don’t respect you and your partner’s opinion.

Tell the one that followed up with you that she should have more kids because it sounds like she has too much time on her hands. Truly bizarre behaviour. They need to mind their own business.