Friend pressuring me to have a baby

You need better friends.
Your decision is your decision.
The absolute cheek of a text.
You are worthy and valid without a child.

Having children or not, is a very personal decision. Your friend's should mind their own business. They're entitled to their opinion, but they shouldn't be pressuring you at all. As long as you are 100% sure you don't want children, the reasons behind it are irrelevant, and your partner feels the same, then that's all that counts. It seems to me that your friends perhaps feel you don't want children because your partner doesn't, and you don't want to lose him, so are just going along with his wishes. Is there any truth in that? Deep down you will know if there's any truth in that or not. In which case you need to be honest with yourself.

If I had £5 for everyone who told me ‘Love will come with the baby’ when I told them I didn’t want children, I’d have a second home somewhere in the sun.

I have never regretted not having children. We went Private for OH’s snip back in the dark ages. The surgeon asked me why I didn’t want children and I told him because I was too selfish. He roared with laughter and told me it was the most honest answer he’d ever had.

Best £25 we ever spent. 😊

You don't want children. That is a perfectly valid reason, and you don't need to justify yourself.
Have you noticed, people are never asked why they do have children? It's very unfair, and I bet many of them couldn't come up with a good reason.
If your idiot friends persistent, just tell them to stop interfering in your perfectly happy life.

👏 OP here's a meme for next time your "friends" harp on about how "wonderful" their lives are:

Do you think anybody is ever totally utterly sure about the big life choices they make?

I was a fence sitter too in my late 20’s and early 30’s. If I’d got pregnant with my then husband then I would have been ok with it, but I was equally ok when he heard that he had zero sperm count and so it just wasn’t possible.
we split up when I was 34 and I’ve not had a long term relationship since that’s been stable enough to consider kids.
my ex husband said he wanted kids but I was never convinced and if we’d had them he would have been pretty crap as a father, but who knows really. For me now the life with husband and kids is the sliding door moment. On balance, at nearly 51, I’m relieved I didn’t have kids with him. However, if I was married to a nicer person then I think I could have been ok as a mother.
But that wasn’t my life and in the one I’m living, having been married to the man I was, I’m happy with my life without children and am getting intolerant of them too.

Don’t give in to any pressure. Tell them you are uncomfortable with the pressure they are putting on you and that this is a topic you want them to refrain from.

If they know your DH is not wanting a child - they could be trying to break you two up.

Yes, I don’t doubt there’s an element of not wanting OP to escape the chains!

I have worked with children my entire adult life and love my nephews more than anything in the world, they could move in with me tomorrow if they wanted. But I don't want my own. For SO MANY reasons. Obviously working in childcare, nobody really 'gets' it as most of the women working there are mums or want to be. But they respect my decision because I'm firm about it and don't leave anyone any suspicion of doubt for them to worm their way in and try to convince me I'm wrong haha.

Ignore them. I'm child free by choice. It sounds like that now that the kids are here, they've realised how hard and thankless motherhood is and are therefore projecting their insecurities (and maybe regrets) onto you. They want you to be in the same boat as them to make themselves feel better and are probably jealous of your peaceful life whilst their lives are nothing but nappies, crying babies/young children, nursery and stress. Stand firm.

I think some people find parenthood really fulfilling and meaningful, they can't imagine how someone would want to miss out. But some people find mountain climbing fulfilling, it doesn't mean everyone wants to climb mountains. This key point - that parenthood is just another albeit very significant activity which will suit some and not others - seems to get lost sometimes.

Rise above this! I had this when I was younger from ‘friends’. Now their kids are teenagers (and most of them are a still a complete handful/stress) almost all have admitted (proactively) that they wouldn’t have kids if they had their time again.
it’s almost like they felt if they were going through the horror so should I and it wasn’t fair I was living a happy carefree life!

How odd! I have a DS but not my business whatsoever whether my friends have them i find it incredibly strange why she would be so bothered by this

She wants you to get pregnant without your husbands consent ? Is she going to raise this kid when your husband divorces you ?
If its raised again ask them why they had children and respond to every answer with that's not a good enough reason .

I’m going to go against the grain and suggest maybe your fiends know you well and that you are making this decision because of your DP not because you are sure. The fact that this conversation can rattle you and make you doubt your decision suggests you’re not actually sure. Maybe your friends are worried because they know you and that you did envisage a life with kids before DP said no. Perhaps they think he’s wasting your fertile years and then will swan off (as many men do) and have kids with someone else if he pleases, but you will be left alone.

if you are sure then great, don’t have kids, But, be confident in your decision and don’t let conversations like this rattle you if you really are sure.

You don’t need reasons. You know, that’s all that matters. You shouldn’t have to justify ‘valid reasons’ to friends!!

I have a friend who has always said she doesn’t want kids. She’s an amazing auntie to my kids but she has never had to justify herself to any of why she doesn’t went to be a mother 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your friends are out of order, in a big way, BUT you don’t sound sure and it’s a huge thing to regret if you change your mind later on.

Having kids is. A lifestyle choice so don't feel bad it your decision and your choice not your friends Ur friend will not be bringing up the kid she wants you to have u will so there fore Ur friend gets no say in your lifestyle choices

Exactly this.

Unless someone is helping you raise the baby, they have no input.
When I don't want to give people answers, I twist it into something so weird that they aren't invested in the actual answer by the end.

Don't get me wrong, there are huge pros to having babies but it is a lot of responsibility. So isn't a light decision to make. Do what fits your life best.

People try to convince others to have a similar lifestyle as a means to validate their own life choices. You don’t owe anyone a baby, and it sounds like you made the right decision for you.

I was always fairly sure I didn’t want kids. Hubs was ambivalent
His friends pressured him and he pressured me
My DD is nearly 12 and while I love her to bits, I really wish I’d walked away 13 years ago in some ways…

They get absolutely no say in your life decisions. Shame on them for pressuring you. I would say exactly that back to that person's follow up text. To be honest, they don't sound like supportive friends at all. They can of course have their opinions but pressuring you to follow what they think is outrageous.

Tell them to back off on this subject.

Its not their descision to make.

Your DH definitely doesn't want them, so assuming you don't want to divorce him then your friends wanting to change your mind seems pointless and cruel really. If they succeeded and you suddenly decided you desperately wanted kids how would that help you and your DH?!

It's not their business. I'd tell them that.