Am I being neurotic?

Exactly! We had a paddling pool out once for weeks in a hot summer. When it was time to put it away it was the only patch of green grass on the whole lawn.

This in this weather a small paddling pool would be beneficial for the lawn.

Do you not drive?

I wouldn’t tolerate being called neurotic by my husband. That alone I’d be telling him to fuck off to his mothers alone

Not really the advice you asked for, but talking about trying to cope with kids in this heatwave, I put wet flannels in zip bags in the fridge and use them to sponge down to cool off.

Children must not be outside in this heat, even with lotion on, and particularly babies and toddlers. I cannot understand why some parents do not understand how rapidly babies can overheat. They sweat, become dehydrated and their organs break down so fast it is hard to believe.

If you feel the back of the neck of your baby/toddler and if it is hot, the child is TOO warm. It requires instant removal of all clothes and sponging down with a cold flannel. Failure to act fast can cause the child organ failure.

If the back of the baby's neck is cool, the baby is cool too, but that can change rapidly. Never leave a baby or a vulnerable toddler for a minute in hot weather. You cannot leave him in a car seat and 'nip in for a minute': it is that fast.

Your DH is being an arse. Stay home and do whatever you need to do to stay cool.

I would say-we’re not going ( you and your children) at all, your DH can go on his own
Tough to his family, follow your own judgement, who cares what they think , they are not the boss of you nor your DH
This weather is intense, I work in a pre school and the children have not been outside much at all. They wear hats, covered in sun lotion, lots of shaded areas, cold drinks to hand and it’s still far too hot.
In the grand scheme of life, whats one family gathering, there will be plenty.
Our DC are nearly all adults now and when I think back to all the stressful events we attended for “family” -why?
Look after yourself , you need rest and stress free times, you are raising beautiful babies , keep your energy for them only .

Just don’t go. Or turn up with a pop up tent for the toddler to play in. Even the car journey is a lot to expect though. Let DH crack on. Contact the visitors if you like them and invite them to yours one late afternoon to see the little ones before bedtime. Nod, smile and do as you like with MIL she sounds unhinged.

Unbelievable attitude! You're a saint

YANBU - and my apologies because I clicked the wrong button on the vote. You could take some freezer packs in a freezer bag to cool the kids off. And yourself. I wouldn’t go if it was me, but I think you’re probably a better person!

I would simply tell him it’s going to be very hot, the kids won’t manage and nor will you at six weeks PP. therefore you and the kids are not going as he won’t be helping you out and he can go on his own all day

selfish man

Why can't you just say you're not going? Do you usually have to do what your DH tells you?

Tell him you'll go for a bit for the morning and say hello but will make your way home with your little ones at a time that suits you. Your health and your kids wellbeing is more important that pandering some distant relatives who want to coo over the baby, particularly as they've made no attempt to consider your needs.

If they really can't understand that you don't owe them anything really.

Is it very far to pil? Could u all go in the morning and you come home with baby and pdh and toddler stay at the party.

are you married to the right man?

Simply turn round and say it's far too hot for the little ones. End of story.

Yeah just send DH on his own

Your DH is the problem here - I just wouldn't go if I were you. If his parents can't make any accommodations for a new baby and a toddler in this heat, they can fuck off! Stand your ground and tell him he can go on his own.

Send DH to see his family on his own.

It's their own fault for being so inflexible and refusing to adapt to the needs of a recovering post-partum mum, new baby and toddler. They're obviously not that bothered about the children if they're like that; young children aren't trophies for display.

So DH you expect me to cover up all day in a heatwave whilst breastfeeding our cluster feeding newborn to appease your mum. Or am I going to have to sit on my own in another room to feed, are you responsible for stopping the toddler breaking the door down to get to me? How are you going to stop our toddler from overheating because we aren't allowed a paddling pool? 1

And so on....

It makes me really sad to think in-laws/husbands/wider family don’t grasp that one really difficult day for a postpartum woman (and her newborn plus toddler) can have more of an impact than that woman missing the event or the event being tailored to her needs somewhat. It’s so selfish. They’re all gonna have a great time in the sun while you’re just gonna be stressed and feel physically and emotionally drained. You are not being neurotic at all, and I honestly would probably be refusing to go if I were in your shoes.

I wouldn't go at all tbh.
Tell your DH that he can go alone.

Only people who sound neurotic in this situation are your in-laws. How can a toddler paddling pool "ruin" a lawn in a couple of hours. I wouldn't go. Husband can if he wants and can take toddler do you aren't landed with the children all day. The in-laws indeed do sound like it's my way or the highway, often with people like this NOTHING is ever right or good enough. As an aside what has your breastfeeding got to do with them?!

This weekend is going to be shit for anyone who hates the heat, never mind with a tiny baby and have to put on a performance for the in laws! I’d say that baby can just meet them all another time. Who cares? Baby won’t give a shit!

Stay at home with baby, your feet in paddling pool, lots of fans, supply of ice lollies for the endless bfeeding. Let your DH take toddler with plenty of snacks and suncream and tell them they’re gone for the day, no ‘oh but toddler only wants you, rescue me’ helpless dad shite, maybe toddler could just nap on the way back if not too late?

honestly, these weeks are hard enough for you and baby, your DH should be ‘team you’ right now, I remember bending backwards to please everyone whilst pp and it was never worth it. Fuck them all and have a nice (as cool as poss) day for yourself.

if DH is a twat about it and wants to drink, not drive, can’t get taxi etc, blah blah, can you manage toddler and baby overnight solo? If so I’d tell your DH to piss off to his mummy’s for that night and rethink his priorities.