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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave nearly 18yo DS home alone while me and DH go away for the weekend?

107 replies

Klugmaki · 09/07/2025 13:04

Bit of a dilemma and just want some outside views really. Me and DH have booked a weekend away next weekend (Fri–Mon), just us two, down in Devon. Nothing posh – just a little cottage, some pub meals, bit of peace and quiet. DS will be 18 in August, so I figured he’s old enough to stay home on his own.

He’s generally sensible, does his college work, not out every night or anything. But I’ve just found out from DD (she’s 14) that he’s told a couple of his mates they can “come round” while we’re away. Now I’m stressing it’s going to turn into a full-blown house party.

I trust him… sort of. But I also remember what me and my mates were like at that age. I don’t think he’d plan to wreck the place but if 10 lads turn up with a crate each then what?

DH reckons I’m overthinking and we should just go. “He’s nearly 18, let him be,” etc. But I keep picturing coming home to red wine on the carpet and vom in the hedge.

To make it worse, found an empty bottle of Malibu shoved under his bed when I was changing his sheets the other day. He said it was “leftover from New Year” but we didn’t even have Malibu at New Year.

Would you still go? Would you trust him or would you leave a neighbour or auntie to “pop by”? Or just cancel and go another time?

AIBU to be getting twitchy or do I need to just let go a bit?

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 10/07/2025 20:35

MasterBeth · 10/07/2025 20:34

Why would you tell him this?

Show quote history

@MasterBeth

because she doesn’t want him to. Obviously.

Cherrytree86 · 10/07/2025 20:34

independentfriend · 10/07/2025 19:52

Go for realistic rules eg. no red wine in rooms with pale carpets. I imagine they don't drink red wine by preference but worth being clear about the potential staining so they don't pick it when tipsy.

Think about removing temptation - put the alcohol they really can't drink somewhere non obvious to visitors.

Consider supplying stuff that slows the drinking speed ie. mixers for spirits, nice soft drinks to alternate with alcohol, nibbles - crisps, dips, bread sticks etc. Encourage your son to order pizza / other food for him and his friends - so there's food to slow the alcohol absorbtion.

Friends staying overnight is better than anybody drink driving.

Does he know how to clean vomit? And that it's important to do this ASAP? Worth discussing and making sure there's kitchen roll / disinfectant etc

Does he know that weeing standing up while drunk runs the risk of getting wee in places other than the toilet?

Disturbing the neighbours with too much noise causes you and your son a problem - you have to live there.

Is there a friend who could come and help your son if something goes wrong that's not on a scale needing an ambulance?

Good points @independentfriend

Also, just to add, wiping his arse…might be worth running through that with him too? @Klugmaki

MasterBeth · 10/07/2025 20:34

MagpiePi · 09/07/2025 13:18

Tell him in no uncertain terms that he will not be having a party or even inviting a few mates round.

Why would you tell him this?

Toucanfusingforme · 10/07/2025 20:32

Add a bit of emotional blackmail to it. “I’m trusting you to look after the house while we’re away. We will be very disappointed, and there will be consequences, if the house isn’t looked after in the way we have said.” Always worth a go.😇

ParmaVioletTea · 10/07/2025 20:32

Let go!

You say yourself that you remember when you were his age - so don't be a hypocrite! But make sure he's aware of consequences - damage to be paid for, cleaned up etc etc.

You could say to him that he is absolutely NOT to have friends round while you're away, unless he asks you first & tells you who they are. It's your house, so you can ask this and expect him to be open with you.

AngelinaFibres · 10/07/2025 20:25

You can lay down all the rules you like but if the friend of a friend invites 300 people to your house there will be nothing your son can do except pray that the police turn up before the house is trashed. I wouldnt want my 14 year old daughter anywhere near drunk teenage boys whether there were 2 or 22 in the house

Cherrytree86 · 10/07/2025 20:21

@Klugmaki Stay home, Op. maybe think about it again when he’s 25 or so.

dijonketchup · 10/07/2025 20:02

Sprogonthetyne · 09/07/2025 13:22

Also remembering what I got up to at 17/18 if anyone's parents were away. Assuming he's relatively reasonable, I'd accept the fact there was going to be a party, make it clear that the police better not be called and the house better be in a reasonable state when you get back, then go. Teen parties are more or less a right of passage.

I agree with this

You can bollock him when you get back, he’ll only ever do it the once.

JaneEyre40 · 10/07/2025 20:01

Dozer · 09/07/2025 13:23

Yes, will DD be at home?

I’d say no more than 4/5 mates round, no booze for DD, sensible on the booze for the older teens (none of yours taken) and that you expect all of them to leave by 11pm, no sleepovers, and a clean/tidy house when you return.

No booze for DD....she's 14....surely that was a given...

Petitchat · 10/07/2025 20:00

I'd be more concerned that a young adult can't change his own sheets.

boredwithfoodprob · 10/07/2025 19:58

SpottyAardvark · 10/07/2025 18:50

I grew up in the 1980s in a small working class town in the midlands. The vast majority of my classmates left school at 16 and started working in factories, shops &v offices. They were considered to be young adults, earning their own money & paying taxes. I was travelling around the country on my own, going to gigs with my mates and going on holiday with my friend when I was 16.

Now, teenagers have become so infantilised that we wonder if a young person who is almost 18, and therefore very nearly an actual adult, can be left to fend for himself at home for two days. It’s bonkers. The world has gone completely mad.

Edited

It’s not really about fending for themselves. Both my DS (almost 17) and my DD (almost 14) can fend for themselves- they can cook, use the washing machine, Hoover, lock the door at night etc etc. It’s more the fact that my DS in particular knows so many people and they’re all like magnets to a parent free house! It would definitely get out of hand without him really meaning or wanting it to.

Petitchat · 10/07/2025 19:58

independentfriend · 10/07/2025 19:52

Go for realistic rules eg. no red wine in rooms with pale carpets. I imagine they don't drink red wine by preference but worth being clear about the potential staining so they don't pick it when tipsy.

Think about removing temptation - put the alcohol they really can't drink somewhere non obvious to visitors.

Consider supplying stuff that slows the drinking speed ie. mixers for spirits, nice soft drinks to alternate with alcohol, nibbles - crisps, dips, bread sticks etc. Encourage your son to order pizza / other food for him and his friends - so there's food to slow the alcohol absorbtion.

Friends staying overnight is better than anybody drink driving.

Does he know how to clean vomit? And that it's important to do this ASAP? Worth discussing and making sure there's kitchen roll / disinfectant etc

Does he know that weeing standing up while drunk runs the risk of getting wee in places other than the toilet?

Disturbing the neighbours with too much noise causes you and your son a problem - you have to live there.

Is there a friend who could come and help your son if something goes wrong that's not on a scale needing an ambulance?

WTF

You're talking about an almost adult!
What the hell is going on nowadays?
This is quite disturbing, didn't realise things had gotten this bad.

It's ridiculous!
Words fail me , thank god...

Clearinguptheclutter · 10/07/2025 19:55

Have a serious chat and leave him to it. Tell him that you’ve spoken to the neighbours and they will text you if any suspicion of anything going on beyond a couple of mates

boredwithfoodprob · 10/07/2025 19:53

Zempy · 10/07/2025 19:15

Oh dear. This reminds me of when I went away and left DS17 in the house for two nights.

He agreed to no parties.

I came back to a recycling bin that could compete with a pubs, and condom wrappers in DDs bedroom bin.

He hadn’t had a party.

It was “a Gathering”.

You have been warned.

Ha ha 😝 yes it’s always a “gathering” NEVER a party 🫣🤨😩

independentfriend · 10/07/2025 19:52

Go for realistic rules eg. no red wine in rooms with pale carpets. I imagine they don't drink red wine by preference but worth being clear about the potential staining so they don't pick it when tipsy.

Think about removing temptation - put the alcohol they really can't drink somewhere non obvious to visitors.

Consider supplying stuff that slows the drinking speed ie. mixers for spirits, nice soft drinks to alternate with alcohol, nibbles - crisps, dips, bread sticks etc. Encourage your son to order pizza / other food for him and his friends - so there's food to slow the alcohol absorbtion.

Friends staying overnight is better than anybody drink driving.

Does he know how to clean vomit? And that it's important to do this ASAP? Worth discussing and making sure there's kitchen roll / disinfectant etc

Does he know that weeing standing up while drunk runs the risk of getting wee in places other than the toilet?

Disturbing the neighbours with too much noise causes you and your son a problem - you have to live there.

Is there a friend who could come and help your son if something goes wrong that's not on a scale needing an ambulance?

drspouse · 10/07/2025 19:52

I don't know about your Ring doorbell but we have a similar one and you can talk through it so we could interrogate any visitors.
We also have a camera at the back (in case of theft) and two inside (DS has epilepsy) so no shenanigans at our house!

Petitchat · 10/07/2025 19:49

OP

Why are you changing the bedding of a young adult?

Petitchat · 10/07/2025 19:46

SpottyAardvark · 10/07/2025 18:50

I grew up in the 1980s in a small working class town in the midlands. The vast majority of my classmates left school at 16 and started working in factories, shops &v offices. They were considered to be young adults, earning their own money & paying taxes. I was travelling around the country on my own, going to gigs with my mates and going on holiday with my friend when I was 16.

Now, teenagers have become so infantilised that we wonder if a young person who is almost 18, and therefore very nearly an actual adult, can be left to fend for himself at home for two days. It’s bonkers. The world has gone completely mad.

Edited

I know...

I was married with a baby at 19.
So strange nowadays...

neighboursmustliveon · 10/07/2025 19:29

We have left our DS (almost 18 now) since he turned 16. We now also leave our 16 year old DD. We have a ring doorbell at the front and ring cam at the back. Both know their life will not be worth living if they hold a party. DS could have his GF to stay now but they know we check who is coming and going.

BIossomtoes · 10/07/2025 19:20

My experience was that the place was cleaner than I left it when I got back. I didn’t bother setting out draconian rules that I knew would be disregarded.

Zempy · 10/07/2025 19:15

Oh dear. This reminds me of when I went away and left DS17 in the house for two nights.

He agreed to no parties.

I came back to a recycling bin that could compete with a pubs, and condom wrappers in DDs bedroom bin.

He hadn’t had a party.

It was “a Gathering”.

You have been warned.

SpottyAardvark · 10/07/2025 18:50

I grew up in the 1980s in a small working class town in the midlands. The vast majority of my classmates left school at 16 and started working in factories, shops &v offices. They were considered to be young adults, earning their own money & paying taxes. I was travelling around the country on my own, going to gigs with my mates and going on holiday with my friend when I was 16.

Now, teenagers have become so infantilised that we wonder if a young person who is almost 18, and therefore very nearly an actual adult, can be left to fend for himself at home for two days. It’s bonkers. The world has gone completely mad.

MMUmum · 10/07/2025 18:43

Just tell him you've asked the neighbours to keep an eye on things, and let you know if any problems, that should make him behave😃

shivermetimbers77 · 10/07/2025 18:39

Oh wow this is bringing back memories of being a teenager and the sheer level of excitement when one of us had a ‘free house’ because the parents were away for the evening or weekend.. my goodness the things we would get up to, makes my hair stand on end now..

MaddestGranny · 10/07/2025 18:36

Wasn't at 18, but at 21 DD had a party and DH & I were sent away for w/end.
I think there were about 20, max 30 at the party - more a w/end stopover.
On return we found, as another pp on here found, the house was cleaner than we'd left it. DD said that a couple of the guests (female, European - forget from where), were adamant that the place should be properly cleaned and tidied & dragooned everyone else to clean away their traces.
Only thing we found was an empty vodka bottle under our bed! 😂
The sheets were fresh, though. They'd obviously replaced them.😄

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