My boyfriend does not want to marry me, what should i do?

Why would you get anything? He owns the house and he pays for everything. You're no contributing to the household and you have every opportunity to save your money while living in his house rent and bill free. If you don't earn much then earn more.

I think if you want marriage and that's not on the table the your best to walk. However, do it because you love the guy. Not because you expect to be looked afrer financially. Its very entitled and grabby.

Spot on.

Also surely if he’s paying for everything you can be saving up right now?

Some really harsh replies on here re the financial imbalance in the relationship. It sounds kind of medieval, that you’re only worth marrying if you can bring land / assets / a dowry with you. What happened to marrying for love?
That said, I wonder if he doesn’t actually love you enough to want to marry you. The relationship has been a slow burner; he ‘has said’ he loves you - this doesn’t sound to me as though he is head over heels - and he has literally told you to leave if marriage is that important to you. You are not important enough to him for him to consider it, think about it, discuss options etc. He doesn’t really sound bothered about your relationship.
Get out and find someone who really loves you.

This was unnecessarily mean and rude. Women get told all the time on here to protect themselves with marriage. OP could end up homeless and penniless if her DP died, she wants stability and financial security. There is nothing wrong with that.

OP it doesn't sound like a good relationship for you and I would break up with him if marriage is what you want. I too would be worried about financials and not having anywhere to live if the worst happens.

Perhaps to him marriage is once and done? He was married once, he does not want to remarry - that’s his prerogative. Your feelings may be hurt, but they are yours and not his. He has been honest and upfront - I don’t think he’s at fault here, and it’s entirely reasonable for someone who has lost their spouse tragically to feel like this.
What you do with this, is up to you.

Being mercenary - I kind of don't blame him. Not for wanting to not get married but because he is protecting his assets for him and his child.
Find a better job so you can protect yourself better and come to some agreement where you pay fairly towards bills but have no input regarding anything else such as house maintenance. Who knows - getting married may happen in the future but he's a widower and will have a lot to deal with for that after all his wife took her own life in the middle of a very difficult situation. You went into this relationship knowing about his circumstances and were prepared to accept that unless it was only on the proviso that you were getting married at some point!

its just he owns the house and pays for everything, i dont really earn that much, and if anything did happen i'm worried id get nothing.

Is this the house he and his late wife bought? If so and he’s paying for everything you don't deserve to be left it, his son does, especially as your not paying anything towards it. What did you do before you moved in did you pay rent or have your own house? If he asked you to move out tomorrow you’d have to go and find a place to live same applies if he dies (unless his will says otherwise)

Erm he owns the house and pays for everything and your worried you'll get nothing. What exactly do you think you need or deserve?

My honest opinion is that if a man genuinely loves his partner and WANTS to marry, he will ask in a timely manner. Marriage is something you both should have discussed way before you ever moved in with him. It shouldn't be something you just assume will happen and it's something you both want. Your partner has very bluntly, but clearly stated that he won't marry you, now or in the future. He told you that if marriage is important to you, then walk away. The man can't spell it out to you any clearer. You need to think very carefully about what you want for your future. If it's marriage, then your partner is correct you need to end the relationship. You are living in his home, and he's paying all the bills. If you separate, now, you leave with nothing, other than what you brought with you. If you separate in 20 years, you still leave with nothing. You aren't married to him, so have no legal protection. There could be various reasons why he doesn't want to marry you, but I suspect the main one being his son. Your partner's priority has to be his son, he is his son's only parent. Don't wait around for him to change his mind, a friend of mine did that, her partner had made it clear to her he never wanted marriage. She stayed hoping he'd change his mind, she wasted 8 years waiting for that change, it never happened. Eventually, the penny dropped, she realised he wasn't changing his mind and ended the relationship.

How has he treated the OP badly, They both want different things and he has been honest about it.

I thought people were allowed different choices?

i think I read a thread a day on women who are desperate to be with a man- all the same story, they live in his house , low earners , and yet expect him to fund them. Too many gold diggers around

He’s been quite clear with you. It’s you who are choosing to stay and badger him. He and his child have been through major trauma and I don’t blame him one bit for not wanting that commitment anymore.
he has set out his terms, and you are an adult to decide whether to accept it. If you do you cannot complain

You would get nothing if he asked you to move out. If he dies you’ll only get something if he makes provision in his will.
You are in a precarious position, less rights than a lodger.
Presumably you funded your own housing and bills before moving in. If he’s paying everything now then you can presumably save and invest eg some women who cohabit in a house solely owned by man will have a property they rent out as a fall back.

He won’t marry you be because he doesn’t want you to have a share of his property. He is protecting his son’s future.
If you would like a home, family and children of your own then you need to leave.

Why would he change his mind?

He’s been honest and clear, he hasn’t led you on, he won’t welcome you bringing it up again. Accept his decision or break up with him. He hasn’t done anything wrong and you shouldn’t have assumed anything. You seem to be onto a pretty good deal with him supporting you but if you want more than find someone else.

God I’m not surprise he doesn’t want to marry you.

He owns the house AND pays for everything, you don’t “earn much” or contribute and are only concerned about what you’d get out of a divorce when you’ve paid fuck all in. I’m glad he has his eyes wide open.

You know where you stand he’s told you he has no intention of marrying you. Much better than giving you an engagement ring and stringing you along.
Lots of people wouldn’t remarry. Protecting inheritance for son, feeling disloyal to deceased spouse, seeing no need to etc.
If you want marriage you need to move in to someone who also wants that.

I don’t mean this reply to sound harsh op but you need to:

(a) work towards getting a better job and start earning more so you can be more independent and do this irrespective of this current relationship so you never put yourself in this vulnerable position ever again

(b) if marriage is what you want then walk away from this man. You are never going to persuade him to marry you while he doesn’t feel the consequences of your absence, and when every day you stay there, you are demonstrating that you are not serious about your intentions . And if you are not serious about what you want op why would your dp take you seriously?

Tbh, I can’t really believe that this subject didn’t come up six months ago when you moved in? Surely if you hadn’t discussed your future together before this point, then that was a natural moment to do so?

Your dp may not want to get married again because of the trauma of what he went through with his first wife, and tbh, that’s a pretty good reason. He should have been much more open about this from the beginning. But now that he has been clear, I don’t know why you wouldn’t believe him? And sorry op, but would you really want to marry someone you need to bring kicking and screaming to the altar? If marriage is what you want then you have to have some self respect and leave.

I’m very sorry you are going through this though. Please don’t throw any more years away with this man. You are entitled to want marriage for yourself, as much as he is entitled to not want it. It’s very hard when you love someone but sometimes love is not enough. 💐

Why do you feel entitled to any of this man's money?

He doesn't want to marry you because he doesn't want the inheritance he and his late wife have built for their son to go to a new woman.

He has been clear with you, if you don't like it, your options are to leave, or enjoy the lifestyle he is currently providing you with but with the knowledge that it is temporary. If you want your own children I would reccomend leaving.

It sounds like hs been through alot, how long after his wife died did you get together, he also has a son who was 8 at the time. I wouldn't assume anyone who has been divorced or widowed would want to marry again. Obviously you need to talk with him

She's not marriage material though. Sorry to be harsh but she's not - she earns little and has no assets. Why would he marry her? They aren't financial equals.

You either accept the relationship exactly as it is, or you don’t. Don’t date someone because of possibility or potential.

I think it's fairly understandable from his perspective given the very specific set of circumstances.

I think the questions I'd ask myself would be:

1. Do I want children? (and does he?)
2. Is the rest of the relationship good - do you generally feel included, loved, prioritised (marriage aspect aside)?
3. Did he ever you give you an indication he'd be up for marriage?
4. Is never getting married a dealbreaker for me?

If you don't want children, the rest of the relationship is good and he didn't future fake you to think he wanted marriage and it's not a dealbreaker for you, I think I'd stay in the relationship and accept it.

If he pays the bills, is there any way you can up your income and save up/invest so you have a nest egg/property/pension etc in case anything happened? I think I'd be looking to be a bit more independent and make my own life/finances work.

Also a lot of people have no interest in remarrriage. None of my grandparents did after divorce / deaths. A friend of mine is a divorcee and expecting her first child with her current partner. He proposed and she said no. She loves him but for her marriage was a one time thing.

Erm - he's housing and financially supporting her. There's no suggestion he's treating her badly at all. Protecting his financial security is absolutely sensible.