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Original poster

My boyfriend does not want to marry me, what should i do?

279 replies

egghampton · 09/07/2025 12:37

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, he has told me he loves me and we have been living together for about 6 months now.

the relationship started slow, he is widowed his wife was very ill and took her own life during chemo so i knew when getting into this relationship it was never going to be straight forward, but i always thought that he would re-marry

we never really spoke about marriage to be honest, i just thought it was where everyone headed, he does have a son who is 12 now but i just feel like im a third wheel in the family and i want to marry him.

he gets annoyed when i try to talk to him about it, and the last time he quite bluntly said he cant marry me, and if its what i want we should probably break up.

maybe he will change his mind, i just cant understand how he can not want to marry me, like ever? and why is he so closed to it?

do i just need to give him more time? or am i being unreasonable expecting him to marry me? its just he owns the house and pays for everything, i dont really earn that much, and if anything did happen i'm worried id get nothing.

OP posts:
princesspadam · 09/07/2025 12:41

If he wanted to he would.
regardless of any back story or trauma

move on now

LandSharksAnonymous · 09/07/2025 12:41

the last time he quite bluntly said he cant marry me, and if its what i want we should probably break up.

He's told you what to do.

He may not want to re-marry to protect his son's inheritance, or to ensure his son doesn't feel like his mother is being replaced, or tbh for any reason. And that's entirely his choice. If you can't live with that, then you need to move on.

And stop asking him about it - he's probably being blunt because he's sick of you asking and he's made his opinion clear.

Finally, being married won't make you any less of a 'third wheel' and tbh you should be a third wheel. His priority should be his son, not you.

I've just re-read your final line. He pays for everything. You're already being grasping. I wouldn't want to marry you either - tbh it comes across as you just want to marry him for your own financial security after contributing nothing.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 09/07/2025 12:41

maybe he will change his mind, i just cant understand how he can not want to marry me, like ever? and why is he so closed to it?

We can't answer that, only he can. If he refuses to even discuss his reasons, that is unreasonable. But ultimately if you are so set on marriage and he is so set against it, there is no compromise. You either accept it or leave him and hope to find someone who does want marriage.

Commonsense22 · 09/07/2025 12:39

He will never marry you. It doesn't sound like a good relationship. His story is tragic but that doesn't excuse how he treats you.