My boyfriend does not want to marry me, what should i do?

If I were you, however I managed to live 6 months ago, I'd go back to that now. I'd work to achieve my own independence.
It's good that he is being honest with you, but really, it would be very unwise of him to marry you, for his own sake and his son's.

Wow!!!

why would you ‘get anything’?!?

I take it you’re only with him for his money, so he is wise to not marry you.

most people with assets and kids don’t want to get married a second time round. I certainly won’t.

Or maybe he just does not want to marry.

You should not 'get anything ' @egghampton after 6 months of living in his house. He has a son, who would hopefully inherit both of his parents' legacy. It would be awful if you were to inherit in favour of him.

Retrain, increase your hours, whatever you can do to become financially independent. Maybe you need to end the relationship to start a life with someone without a family and established home to build a life together.

I also put YABU for wasting your own time and struggling with the concept that not everybody has the same relationship goals.

Sorry, I probably misread the original post. I interpreted "if anything should happen" as "if we were to break up (unmarried).

He possibly feels guilty? Maybe his reluctance to marry is wrapped up in residual grief?

Maybe he doesn’t want to feel like he’s replacing the wife he lost.

Maybe he doesn’t want his son to think his mother is being replaced?

Maybe he’s protecting his son’s inheritance. I think this is the most likely. I think it’s quite common for divorced/widowed people to never re-marry as they want the children to be the inheritors of finance and property, and don’t anything jeopardising that.

Good god, some of these replies surprise me. He had actually told you that he doesn’t want to marry you which, although sad for you, is very honest of him. He’s been quite clear. He has a child and probably intends for him to inherit everything. I don’t think he’s a bad person, just direct and truthful.

If you want to get married it won’t be to him so move on if this doesn’t suit you.

She's not expecting to get anything now, she's pointing out that because they're unmarried she's not protected if he were to die, or if she were to pay rent / repairs etc on his house and then break up. She's just recognising that as an unmarried woman she doesn't have the same financial protection she would if they were married.

It's better that he is honest with you, but please don't waste your life hoping he will change his mind. It is time for you to start looking at housing options, and moving towards being independent. Start to plan what you will do with your future - do you want to study, move to a new area or apply for promotion at work?
There are things you can do to improve your own life, and create a fulfilling future for yourself, but the sad truth is that this man doesn't want to be married to you. You may well have a husband and children in your future, but you need to look elsewhere for that.

I wouldn't marry in his shoes either. You need to feather your own nest. If he's paying for everything this should give you opportunity to save up for your own future.

In your position I'd find someone to build a more equal partnership with and male it clear you want to marry from the outset!

You have a choice.

Your current boyfriend and no marriage.

Leave him and find somebody who shares your views on marriage.

Asking why he does not want to marry you is just a waste of both your time.

He does not want to marry you. It’s that simple. Accept it and move on.

You should accept that he isn’t interested in marrying you and be grateful that he is honest about it and not kicking the can down the road. Then it’s up to you. Do you want to stay with him and not marry, or is marriage so important to you that you want to end the relationship over it.

As for the future, you’re totally right that you can’t rely on him for protection so it’s for you to save what you can for yourself. If you’re not eating much does that mean you’ve reduced your hours? I’d expect everything of his to go to his son rather than you. I would prioritise my son over my spouse for inheritance too, as would most people.

Sorry OP. It sounds like he has been really clear about the subject. None of us can answer why, but that's where he is. Please don't wait in the hope that he changes his mind. He won't. Find someone who really wants to be with you and share a life with you.

No he won't change his mind. Why is it so important to be married to him? Surely unless he's absolutely ecstatic about the idea why would you do it?

You say you feel like a third wheel in the family. Why would a piece of paper stop you from feeling that way? If it was a good idea you'd already fully feel integrated into his family.

Another thread that boggles my mind how couples can be together for 4 years and not talk about the future or marriage

He can, he just doesn't want to.
He thinks you're not marriage material. That not meant to sound horrible, I've been there done that, t-shirt kind of thing. It's beyond crap. He's literally telling you he thinks you're beneath him. People suck. Much sympathy

Honestly?He's probably closed to it to

1. protect his and his son's finances/inheritance
2. there's no benefit for him. You're living there, which probably means youre doing more housework and paying toward the house/bills than he would have to do alone.

To sum up, finances and convenience.

He’s been quite clear with you. You either accept the current arrangement or move on. Hoping he will change his mind is pointless.

Hes told you very clearly that he won't marry you, listen to him. I don't blame you for wanting to be married, I would feel the same. But this guy wont be your husband. And you are in a vulnerable financial situation, you have two options.
1: stay and accept the situation will never change.
2: leave and start again by yourself, you might even meet someone that you eventually marry. But either way at least you will have your dignity.

He is being honest why is that an issue?

Forgive me OP, but why would you get anything?

OP is marriage none negotiable for you? If yes then you need to break up. He doesn’t want to marry you and they maybe not black and white but due to his previous wife. Maybe he feels it would be replacing her etc.

Can you go through life not ever getting married? I think that’s the biggest question if the rest of the relationship is fine

I think your partner is being up-front and you need to make your choice based on the face you will not get married. It does sound like you want marriage for financial security more than anything else, could you increase your own earning power.

He's set out his stall quite clearly. Perhaps he feels it would be dishonouring his wife to remarry after she died in such tragic circumstances, or maybe he thinks remarrying would be too difficult for his child. If he won't tell you what his objections are then there's not much you can do, but if marriage is a deal-breaker for you then he's probably right and you should split.