Not wanting grandchildren

No-one said spending time with grandchildren was a chore. Being a child-minder is the chore.

No it isn’t the same. If my adult child, and my teenager have multiple children each I’ll gladly take care of them. I can’t understand people that view spending time with their children/grandchildren as a chore.

Well that's hardly the same as having 3 or 4 who all have children and who are all looking for a piece of granny is it? I have one child too so I won't be in the same situation as my sister who has 3 children and 8 grandchildren, grandchildren all came within 4 years of each other. She's constantly in demand but just can't do more than she does. What she does for one you can be sure the rest want the same so she had to cut right back what she does.

I also know someone who looked after one gc 3 days a week when they were a single grandchild. by the time that child went to school another 3 gc came along and there was assumptions she'd do the same. She had to explain that looking after 1 was a whole different ballgame to having 3 together to look after. The entitlement is staggering.

Of course they need love and support. You cannot compare having a disabled child (which I do have) with a child in their 30's palming off their 3 kids to you every day for free childcare! Ridiculous comparison.

I’m in my 40s. I have an adult child. Why?

We had our 4th child when I was 39. Didn’t find it any harder than when my previous 3 were born. Now I’m in my 70’s and enjoying grandkids ranging in age form months old to 12 yrs old. We didn’t felt the need to have years off between raising our kids to enjoying grandkids. Seems you are thinking you will have to be caretaker of the grandkids. You can be a grandparent and have the best of both worlds.

Hmm. I agree that parents have a duty to help their adult children if they have a crisis or are really struggling. But I don’t think that extends to providing regular free childcare. That’s a “nice to have” not a need.

That's why they keep having children, they'll always find someone to palm them off to so they think it's easy. I know someone with 5 children, the oldest 18 and they youngest not yet 2. Her father took early retirement, he's been nothing but a full time child-minder since. Her oldest has been chief babysitter since 14 when Mum works at weekends (her dad does weekdays). She's recently moved in with her parents (all 6 of them) since the last relationship ended and her mother is struggling big time with it all. The stuff of nightmares.

@thisisfrommathilda couldn't disagree with you more, your children don't stop needing love support and guidance just because they are adults. You are a parent for life, not just as long as you feel like it.

Imagine if you had a disabled child, or if one of your children became disabled, would you stop caring for them when they turned 18?

I hope my children feel they can still ask me for help if they need it when they are adults.

I really wanted to be a grandma too and I'd have loved to be one younger but obviously my dds wanted to have an established career and a mortgage before they had any dc. They saw how I wasted my degree and have been left financially insecure due to being a SAHM and having an awful exdh. I'm 60 in a couple of months and have 2gc with one on the way. Dd1 was 32 when she had her first dc and dd2 30.

I’m not fussed either. Our eldest is 35 and has shown no interest in having children, she’s a primary school teacher so that may have a bearing on it. The other two are late teens and have also said they don’t want children. If they do I know I’ll adore them and probably would give up my time but it’s definitely not something I yearn for.

Ha ha ha the is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! They are ADULTS! You are not beholden to your kids for the rest of their lives! 😂

When you make the decision to have children, you have a duty to care for them FOREVER. That means supporting them throughout their lives, including if/when hey have children of their own. You can’t just cut and run when you feel like it! I think you’re incredibly selfish.

I won’t be providing regular childcare as well. The odd babysitting but nothing regular. I’m 43 with a 2yo and 9yo and I have found being an older parent the hardest thing in my life. Once I’m done, I’m done. Besides I will be too old in any case so I would rather be involved from a different perspective than a child care role.

My dm on the other hand does so much for all her GC. But when she was 43 we were all adults/ in uni. She’s 66 now and has has 20 years of her life again for herself. So is ready to help out a lot with the GC. I don’t expect her to but she wants to. I will not be doing that.

Agreed

Also, in saying that, I do agree that grandparents should be upfront from the time a child is born or even before that they are not up for full time childcare. I stress the words full time here.

I do agree in essence but I think a lot of them are guilted into it because their children tell them they cannot afford to work and pay childcare so there is a lot at stake there. Mortgages etc to pay and they have to work etc so they only choice is the grandparents. It's very hard to say no in that circumstance and terribly unfair.

Fine, but the way to put a stop to it is for grandparents to be very clear about what they're willing/not willing to do and assert their boundaries firmly.

Nevertheless, expecting grandparents to look after children full time, all day every day is wrong. Horribly selfish and wrong.

Somone I look after has a sister who is always asking for childcare for her 8 year old and is now pregnant again despite the 'father' saying he wants nothing to do with the baby once it's born (they are together). She is now trying to find someone to palm not yet born baby onto for most of the time. I don't know why she is having it tbh as she spends barely any time with the one she already has.

If she'd do that, she's obviously very toxic generally.

This is not the situation for most grandparents, thankfully.

I agree with you BUT she is an entitled little cow so if they say no she wouldn't let them see the kids. Moans about how she can't afford childcare and has no other choice than to run her parents into the ground by them doing it for free, I don't know how anyone can do that to their parents. Then you get the..ohh Mum LOVES having them, they really enjoy looking after them...no love, they don't, not all day every day at their age.

To be fair, her parents need to say no to her if they don't want to do it.