Not wanting grandchildren

In what way am I sounding very entitled?

Op you can dip in and out but it's your shout, they understand, baby sit or don't, you get all the nice bits of being a nan, don't agree to things your not ready to do, that's OK,
Am just retired been travelling on and off now see gc when am home, my two eldest have joined me on holiday for a couple of weeks and it's great having them here but they are older so less need to fuss, but honestly we have the best relationship,

You have to do what's right for you, and it's OK not to be that grandmother who is there everyday wanting to babysit, do school run and things, your adult children will figure it out, and they will, shouldn't be expected should it, but you will enjoy all the nice smily times and pass back when they have a melt down 😁

You are certainly not the only one feeling like it would be nice to be more selfish :)

I am sure that the reasons why you went all in for your children would naturally repeat for your grandchildren though.

I’m quite looking forward to being a grandparent but I want to be the kind they visit once a week and I have the for the occasional sleep over or school holidays. I wouldn’t want to commit to weekly childcare while they work. My children range between 27-16 so the possibility is increasing.

To be honest, I do get where you are coming from. I was made a nana eight years ago. My partner feels the same. We have grandchildren overnight twice a month and help where we can. For instance, when they go on holiday, we have the grandchildren for a week or two, and I personally don't mind doing it, but my other half complains. We're 45, so obviously this happened prematurely for us; our first parents were 18, but they are successful adults and parents, quite proud.

But we are still young and have brought our own up, so always said we hoped they wouldn't start early, but it's different when they are here; you fall in love all over again like you did when you had your own, but we get the lovely bits and can hand them back to the parents.

If and when grandchildren come along set boundaries.
Before I got married my parents made it very clear that they wouldn't be able to do any childminding.
I would never expected it anyway as I think it's unfair unless they're really up for it.

I felt the same, I didn’t even want children. (I had fertility issues and DS1 was a HUGE surprise and I didn’t want him to be an only child, hence DS2).

i just started to be able to do anything I wanted, we booked a bucket list once-in-a-holiday and had stuff planned.

Then my granddaughter arrived (I WAS NOT happy when my son initially told me) and my life changed forever.

She’s the most amazing thing in the world and I’d both kill and die for her.
I look after her Thursday to Sunday one week and Wednesday to Monday the next and I’d happily give up everything in my life to ensure she is loved, cared for and looked after. I was concerned about how my husband would take it because the children aren’t his but he’s also fallen under her spell and they are like two peas in a pod.

so I absolutely understand because I felt the same, but then she arrived and she is more important than anything.

No one HAS to do those things. Personally my parents babysit once a year, I've never asked for more than that. I don't begrudge that, kids were MY choice

“Incredibly selfish”?! Don’t be so silly! We cared for our children and raised them but you’re suggesting we have to take on the care of the next generation too! Now you are sounding very entitled!

Totally agree with you OP.
i have 3 grown up sons and would be very happy to put off indefinitely the possibility of grandchildren, for all of the reasons you mentioned. I too see older people struggling to care for little kiddies when they clearly don’t have the energy or health to do so.

My dd is only 2 so I can’t really comment on grandchild but I actually think this is totally fine. As people have commented, just manage expectations if one of your children decides to have a child. Be as involved as you want. Some grandparents do no child care and some grandparents do loads. Don’t be persuaded in to doing something you don’t want to do.
you can easily be the granny that sees them once a month or once every few months.
I would say my mum thought she’d feel the same but once my daughter was born, she changed her mind. But it’s 100% fine either way

Exactly this!
OP is predicting issues that are not there, as if you’ve brought your children up to be kind and independent they won’t be making assumptions about getting help.
I’m assuming OP had no help from her parents and grandparents tho!

Personally I think it’s up to you what you want to do or not do; all I can say is since my grandchild arrived I’ve never been happier I love every second I’m with the gorgeous little human; I’d happily spend 7 days a week caring for my grandchild; but sadly my child lives to far away so I only get a couple of days each month but it’s time full of fun & laughter & lots of love. What I will add is until you become a grandparent you won’t know how you feel it’s a totally different love that you feel compared to that you feel towards your children I didn’t believe my friend but she was right it’s so special & unique x

And then are those of us who have become permanent guardians of our teenage grandchildren, due to their screwed up parents who, because of their own life choices, lost their parental rights. I was getting ready to retire at the age of 65 from being a high school librarian for 25 years, when we had to rescue our grandchildren. Three years ago, my husband and I became guardians of our three oldest grandchildren without any support from the parents. There are two younger girls (4 & 6) who were sent to foster care and have since been adopted by a wonderful family. Needless to say, retirement has been delayed until these teenagers age out and are in school or working. Even though one has now joined the Navy, one just graduated from high school, and one is a rising high school junior, we are still supporting them until they are ready to be on their own. The courts say 18 is adult - but we all know that really isn't true. My recent graduate wants all her freedom now and says she's an adult. When I ask her about rent, a car, groceries, job, moving out, etc. she gets very quiet.
So, no. You are not being unreasonable. My hopes for a restful retirement have been put on hold for a year or two more. I'm turning 68 this year and I'll be at least 70 before I get a break. Even though we dearly love our grandchildren, I would rather have the role of grandparent - seeing them occasionally - rather than the role of full-time parent. I already did that.

My parents sound similar to you. Never wanted grandchildren. Then when I was nearly 40 and they were 70s. I had a baby. He is 3 now. They are over the moon and very happy. Something they didn’t know they might want or enjoy in life. I guess never say never and embrace what appears.

Nonsense. My grandparents didn't do any of my parents parenting for them or "the hard boring bits" as you describe it. My siblings and I adored our grandparents, we loved going to visit them. I managed to have an amazing relationship with them despite never being in a park with them. 🙄

It's not choice or decision to tell your children not to have kids. Grandchildren should be cherished.

For what its worth myself and sister have 5 kids between us 11, 9,9,7,4 our mum never really initiated seeing them or having them, we never used her for childcare apparently from the odd emergency (my partner put an angle grinder in his leg and she sat on them whilst we went to hospital) shes not very well nowadays (parkinsons) but shes never had to watch our kids for us to work (always sorted our own childcare) shes never helped us financially (we have better income than her and treat her to the stuff occasionally) and she chooses qhen she wants to see the kids. She had the older three girls for some craft sessions a couple of summer holidays a go. She also spent her entire 30s 40s caring for everyone else. So long as you set it out clearly from the start i dont think anything will be expected x

@Crackanut You quoted me here. If you read my post, my mum has never been asked to do any childcare whatsoever. I have a nanny who I absolutely love and my son adores.

Like the OP, my mum made it clear her child rearing days are over and I respected that.

But the fact is, when you don't do the boring trips to the park or whatever else involved grandparents do, children don't know you and don't really give a fuck.

You can't expect to walk through the door and get smiles and hugs from a toddler you barely see and never play with. Now THAT is entitled.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I hope they all have 4 kids each and have nothing to do with you,god sakes you sound so miserable,Some of us are lucky to have a great relationship with our children and couldn't wait to be Grandparents..currently waiting on 2nd grandchild to be born any minute,yes I have my granddaughter alot,why cause I want too and her other Grandparents do also..we also live our lives and have holidays without her..life dosent stop when you have them as you make it sound like it does..get over yourself fgs

Do what my parents do and opt out of ever helping! You can have an entirely selfish, carefree life while watching your children struggle. If they beg for emergency help, you can make it clear it’s an absolute hassle. Just be prepared for your relationship with your child to suffer and for your grandchildren to be entirely indifferent to you.

Grandmother to several here and I have them 1 at a time on a rota basis 😆 for the weekend.
I enjoy that 121 time and find out about their world that way and we chat, swim, cinema, seaside and mischief together. I also direct debit pocket money. But that is me..
My friend says I'm bonkers and she sees hers a coupleiof times a year and pops £20 in the birthday and Christmas cards.
The thing is, there is no right or wrong. You aren't being selfish, its just about what you want to do.
I live alone and enjoy the company and arrange 'my age' things inbetween their visits. I work still part time too.
I have another friend who through circumstances that aren't her fault hardly sees her grandchildren but when she does she treats them to lunch and a little shopping with no sleep overs.
So everyone is different and that's OK.
Please dont refer to yourself as selfish because we all have different views, backgrounds and stories.

I think you are gonna have to accept that they will have a family of their at some point and that's a beautiful thing. With that being said, you will also have to set your own boundaries when it comes to it, so that you are able to enjoy and live your life how you plan to. I bet when the time comes you gonna love them and spoil them but on your own time and terms ❣️

Yes my friend is very tired minding kids. 60s. I help on school bus so I like to switch off come friday. My dd still young no kids. It does tie your week.. would help yes. Full time no. Im 50s

There are lots of people that don't live anywhere near grandparents so relying on them for childcare isn't an option. This is us, We've never had any help and we just get on with it.