Not wanting grandchildren

Sounds as though your life is already about to ”just me” i.e. you.
You don’t want grandchildren means you don’t want your children to have children. No care for how they feel. Or their partners. Or their partners’ parents. Or the grandchildren themselves.
Me, me, me.

Enjoy!! I’m sure your grandchildren will love you too.

I feel a bit sad that this is your attitude, my aunt has been estranged from her grandchildren due to a messy divorce involving her son. The grandchildren aren’t in contact due to mums alienation of them from our side of the family. My aunt was an amazing gran until this all happened.

The main issue with grandparents results from their own children having kids they are unable to support unaided whether that be financially or logistically.

I would never have had our DS until I knew that DH and I were totally self sufficient and wouldn’t need any assistance whatsoever from anyone else.

Once you are in that situation then any relationships with GP or anyone else for that matter is based on people wanting to help and be involved rather than needing to be. That takes away all the pressure.

We have far less GP involvement than most people we know but at the same time are far more comfortable than most as we are not reliant on anyone else.

As an aside I see this with my ex inlaws, who were always pretty self-absorbed / hands off. Now the kids are teens / preteens and don't really know what to say to them when they visit. I don't see them having much relationship long term and it's a shame.

The points re the relationship you'll have with your children / grandchildren down the road are fair. As someone else said, it's not about transactions, it's about the relationship you build and the signals you send out to others. I think alot of people are in total denial about the realities of extreme old age, especially the dependence on others for practical & emotional support day to day. 'I want to put my version of self-fulfilment before helping out family in challenging times' thing is very much a two edged sword.

you don’t have to be involved with grandchildren’s life if you don’t want to. really i do think most kids get it if parents are just not that keen on helping with the kids. just don’t be offended if the other grandparents do help out and they see the kids on a more regular basis and are closer more involved in their lives.

You don't have to do any of that! We live a long way from both parents. They come, stay in a hotel, do a lot of touristy things as a couple and cuddle the baby for an hour a day. They do tend to get over excited in the toy shop. They don't do any baby sitting and we're financially independent because that's how they brought us up. They've done their time and they're all too old for serious child wrangling, it wouldn't be fair on anyone

i will do what i can if asked, absolutely, i am excited to be a grandparent

i worked with someone who felt just the same, she had grandchildren but told me she had no intention of cutting her working hours

I’m with you 100%. I have absolutely no wish to have grandchildren and so far I am fortunate that I don’t and it looks like it’s going to stay that way.

Have considered persuading them into a religious vocation? Any daughters to the convent, and any sons to the priesthood? Might solve this issue.

We've always told my mum that if she is able to help out we appreciate it, however if she doesn't want to, to be brutally honest with us and just let us know, and she often does say "sorry, am doing my own thing so look after your own kiddos" and that's fine, because they are our children, not hers. You're kids need to understand that if they have children, you are not a guaranteed babysitter. Also there are other ways to help when people are struggling with the kiddos like, doing a little bit of shopping for them or a gift card so they don't have to cook for an evening or something. And again you are not obligated to do this.

That is a LOT of childcare your friends are doing. My parents did one day a week, which I viewed as being a lot of childcare. My MIL did more ad hoc childcare, she’d have them for sleepovers.

You saying about people viewing relationships as transactional could have been directed at me since I mentioned the relationship you will end up having with your children and grandchildren as you grow old. It’s not about providing care as such, but about building a relationship. My kids have a lovely relationship with their grandparents and get excited to see them. If you don’t maintain relationships while you’re able, it’s not that they won’t be willing to care for you, it’s that they might not bother visiting you in a nursing home if they feel you haven’t bothered with them. You are not obliged to provide childcare, but your original post gave the impression you didn’t want to spend much time with them at all. I apologise if I misinterpreted that.

Maybe you should reread your own post 😂

l love my children dearly but can’t help thinking if l knew the full extent of the sacrifices parent make ( albeit willingly ) and the financial, emotional cost etc …l may not have had them and had a more fulfilling life . My kids don’t really want kids ( yet ) and l’m secretly happy for them ! So, no …l don’t want grandchildren really …

Well, tbf OP that was quite a big element of it. 😂

You can continue to be close to your adult children and a supportive loving presence, without having to actually provide any childcare to grandchildren. Honestly the idea that a grandparent will or should provide that is very presumptuous. Many simply can’t, whether they’d like to or not. Similarly giving loving support to your parent as they age is something people can do without necessarily being carers as such, and if you do a carer role it shouldn’t be conditional on having received childcare help. It’s supposed to be a personal relationship not a transaction.

No, as I already told you, I don't have children. What I do have is reading comprehension, and your posts do not make any sense at all.