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Original poster

Not wanting grandchildren

591 replies

Reallyneedsaholiday · 09/07/2025 12:16

I suppose I should start by saying that none of my children have any children of their own, or are likely to do so in the near future. Nor would I ever tell them how I feel. But …. I’m just not looking forward to being a grandparent.
I’ve raised my children, and if I’m honest, I’m looking forward to having a life for myself, when they move out. I see my friends, with grandchildren and they seem more tied than they were when they had their own children. Babysitting, giving their kids a “break”, struggling financially themselves to help them out, cutting back on work hours to mind their grandchildren so their parents can work, or returning to work part time because they can’t make ends meet otherwise, etc. It just feels as if they are more in demand than ever, and frankly, I want to be “selfish” for a bit. I’ve spent my entire life looking after other people, and I’m just not looking forward to it. I’m not saying I wouldn’t DO it, just that I’m not looking forward to it. Am I alone?

OP posts:
Gumbo · 09/07/2025 12:25

I feel the same way.
Also, no family member ever provided any form of help/childcare for my DC - and I never felt resentful about it, so I'm always surprised by the amount of people on here who are outraged that other people don't want to looks after their kids.

TheKeatingFive · 09/07/2025 12:25

Well it's not your decision for starters.

But you don't have to be involved if you don't want to. Sounds like you're overthinking it.

cc99xo · 09/07/2025 12:24

You don’t have to do any of that though? I mean, my mom is in her 40s - so still very young fit, active etc and doesn’t work yet she’s still never babysits my 5 year old son. She made it quite clear when I fell pregnant that she wouldn’t want to babysit, so she simply doesn’t.

stilll · 09/07/2025 12:24

You can be like my parents and offer no help at all (until the favourite child had grandchildren and suddenly become the worlds most involved grandparents) - seriously though, it’s one thing having grandchildren and another thing upending your life to care for them just don’t do it if you don’t want to.

VirginaGirl · 09/07/2025 12:23

Why even think about something that may or may not happen and isn't your decision, anyway?

If and when grandchildren do come along and you still feel that you are unable to help your children out then don't.

Dozer · 09/07/2025 12:23

Your choice what you do / don’t do.

Cocomelonhauntsme · 09/07/2025 12:23

I think there is pressure on grandparents to help out but it is not required. You can put in strong boundaries. With having clear boundaries you may find you actually enjoy them. My MIL once said very firmly she was never going to be a traditional grandmother and not to expect a care commitment from her. Very similar sentiment to you. However, she found she loved it and is devoted and found a happy medium between freedom and family. She has a holiday home in italy she goes to for large portions of the year and travels alot. But also very sweetly set up a proper playroom in her house and really engages with them and enjoys them when we visit. She's never babysat them or had them alone but will let us sit while she plays with them in her house. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

NoNameMum · 09/07/2025 12:23

I think as others have said, you can be involved or not involved as you see fit.
None of my son’s grandparents ever did childcare. One set occasionally babysat, and we saw that set about once a week when he was younger. The other set we would see 2-3 times a year.
We’ve not fallen out, people are just busy and have their own lives.

IglesiasPiggl · 09/07/2025 12:22

You can be a grandparent without having to do any "duties".

DragonTrainor · 09/07/2025 12:22

You can be a grandparent and do as little or as much as you want. There's no obligation to provide childcare or anything else.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 09/07/2025 12:21

I don’t think that’s massively standard though.
my children only have one remaining grandparent - she doesn’t support us financially, didn’t give up work to look after them, and we always followed her lead regarding her providing childcare.
no is a full sentence.
you don’t HAVE to be be overly involved.

minipie · 09/07/2025 12:21

There are plenty of grandparents who provide little to no grandchild care because they would rather do their own thing.

Did your parents help look after your DC?

KoalaBlueOssie · 09/07/2025 12:21

You don’t get a choice

SparklyGlitterballs · 09/07/2025 12:20

No you're not alone OP. I sincerely hope my DC don't have kids, because I don't want to be looking after them. I find the older I get, the less tolerant I am too. Fortunately neither of my DDs seem keen on bringing children into todays awful world.

Cornal · 09/07/2025 12:18

Not alone at all! My son is only 22 and not thinking about kids at all but I want to be travelling around in my campervan in a few years, not minding kids!

noidea69 · 09/07/2025 12:18

I think you can be as much involved in your grandkids life as you want to be really.

Just set boundaries around providing childcare & stick to it.

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