Not wanting grandchildren

My own parents went through a number of stages.

When I was between about 20 and 30, they went through the sort of ‘selfish’ (for want of a better word, I don’t mean that unkindly) stage that I think you might be at now. They retired, travelled loads, celebrated the end of the ‘caregiving and working’ stage of their lives, did things they’d always wanted to do. I think ant that stage they would probably have said that they weren’t desperate for grandchildren.

Now they are 70ish, and whilst they are still in fairly good health, health problems and age are creeping up them, and they have become far more family-orientated again. They don’t travel much, and they want to spend time with me and their grandchildren.

Different ages, different stages.

Not wanting GC
I'm just not looking forward to being a grandparent

Pretty straightforward when you read your words, you didn't want GC you weren't looking forward to it. Not much interpretation needed. If you'd said now it would be clear that you don't want it now.

You obviously don't want to admit what you said but we see it so I'll leave you to carry on trying to convince us you didn't say what you said.

Just a quick note to the village comment and woman are domestic slaves. I live in a village work, do all the house work shoping etc. My wife is the queen of her domain. She is even to lazy for sex. I also done everything for the children when they were growing up. So I think your comment is draconian BS. X

I think it’s totally reasonable not to want to become a grandparent when your own children are still teenagers or young adults! My own mum was working full time, gaining Master’s level qualifications and enjoying a busy social life when I was in my twenties and early thirties.

DS was born when I was 37 and my mum was 64 and semi-retired, and she has been an exceptionally hands-on grandparent, providing regular as well as ad hoc childcare. My parents have even moved from one end of the country to the other to be closer to DS! This has all been driven by my mum - I’m grateful for her help but in no way expected it and if she had decided she wanted to be less involved, I wouldn’t have been offended or complained to her.

Had I had children ten years earlier, I very much doubt that she’d have been as involved as she is, because she would still have been working full time and enjoying some independence and financial freedom after raising two children of her own (including supporting us through university).

I can totally understand how you feel and I’m thankful that my parents didn’t put pressure on me to have children to fulfil their own desire for grandchildren - that sort of entitlement feels stifling, to be honest. It sounds like your attitude is entirely sensible!

Yep. The problem with this 'we need a village' mindset, is that a 'village' is often exclusively women looking after other peoples children. (Sometimes as well as their own...) Also women doing the care for the elderly and vulnerable, and women doing all the domestic duties.

'A village' is just a place where women are domestic servants, and free childminders (sometimes for other people as well as their own family.)

Very rarely will the men step up.

Read your title and your first post. You can keep saying it didn't change but it's in black and white. People agreeing with the sentiment doesn't mean they can't see the story changed.

The OP isn't reflecting, she's changing the story. She didn't want GC, she wanted to be selfish after a lifetime if looking after others. Fair enough if that's what she wants but apparently she didn't mean what she actually said, it isn't what she wants and if people think she meant what she said the are trolls.

She criticises reading skills but maybe she needs to think about writing skills.

Isn’t a debate where people (op) get a chance to expand on what they said at the beginning and where they are able to reflect and possibly change their thinking a good thing?? Reflection and reevaluation are grown up characteristics.
My initial reaction to the title of the post was to disagree but after reading more, much more, of the thread I probably align quite closely with her views.
Grandchildren can bring much joy, grandchildren where you are providing much care are still a joy but are also a huge commitment. If you have a full and active life you can offer more to a grandchild. We are all different and each need to find a way to do us while still supporting our children as parents.

Surly this is simply down to the individual, there's no need for some of the sarcasm. As said in my comment I am 65 and it scares the hell out of me. Things may be different when the babies born(Imminent) but I feelings are what they are I cannot change that.

Oh my comprehension is absolutely fine.

No.
You haven’t been clear from the off at all.
Or you were honest to begin with (?) but then didn’t like that the thread wasn’t an echo chamber so renegaded on it.
People disagreeing with what you said are not trolls. Own what you put.

Families vary, my mum helped with mine, my gran helped with me, my greatgran helped with my mum. We all worked so needed help and it's just normal to us. I was so close to my gran and I try to do the same.

Honestly? The time of grandparents (grandmothers) doing a lot of childcare is passing. My state pension age is now 68. The grandparents will still be in work when the grandchildren are small.

I remember a friend at work being asked to move her day to a Monday so she could attend a meeting. When she said that unfortunately she had no childcare on Mondays, our boss said brightly “Well, what about your mum?!?” And was a bit taken aback to be told that she was a headmistress and would be at work too.

It’s weird to assume that a woman in her sixties is not already occupied.

You did put "don't want grandchildren" then in other posts you reiterated this. Just because you didn't like what people "you called trolls" said doesn't make them trolls. If you don't want grandchildren. That is on you. If your kids want kids just tell them your happy to do the spoiling on visits. But you would sooner Be the "fun" person (not sure if they will be allowed to call you nan) then have them. I'm sure the other parent involveds parents will love to have the grandchildren to themselves. So happy days.

Respectfully, any ‘misunderstandings’ were caused by the title of your thread.
The title should really correlate with what you are trying to say.

Exactly this.
But then that’s up to the grandparent to decide because like you say it does have an impact on the future. If OP is ok to not have that relationship, that’s entirely OPs prerogative.
Id absolutely chose to be involved when my grandchildren come along. That’s my personal decision. Not even thinking of the future in terms of being elderly, but just still being a mum to my children and helping them navigate their own way as parents. My help and guidance to my kids when they need it won’t ever stop.
Ive never raised it with the paternal grandparents even though I think it’s a shame, because me saying something won’t change their mind.
Guess what I’m trying to say is, each to their own, but there is a consequence to either path that is taken.

The grandparents who make the effort will reap the rewards when they are elderly.

My nan was involved with mine and siblings’ lives when we were children. As adults, we all visit regularly and now she is becoming unwell. We have supported our nan by taking her to medical appointments and being there during emergency hospital admissions (when our mother could not), would we have done that if she hadn’t bothered to form an relationship with us as kids? No way.