Not wanting grandchildren

I bet your parents helped you out with childcare

Exactly. It works the other way too.

Two of my sons have severe disabilities which sadly means they will never have the opportunity to become fathers.
It's only now that my eldest is at the age where he night have become a father that I'm really starting to feel it.
Of course he might have chosen not to, which would have been fine, but it's a decision he will never get to make.

It doesn't always play out that way. We put in lots of time, energy and money into DH'Ss three grandchildren but only one, who lives abroad, stays in touch.

Parents that feel entitled to free childcare from grandparents are the upmost selfish a-holes around. It is entirely a grandparents choice to decide how much they want to help out, without pressure and very much appreciated by the two adults that made a choice to make and grow a baby.

My parents do not do childcare, me and my partner (who does not have parents living in this country) do it all alone, as do a lot of other people. My mum lives a road over from us and can go 4-6 weeks without seeing any of us. She made it perfectly clear that she has her own life and that's absolutely her choice. On the flip side, she doesn't get to have the most special bond that I had with my nan who I spent most weekends with a did lots of childcare for my mum. The memories I have of the time I spent with my nan are the most precious memories I have, before becoming a mum myself. I feel like my mum is missing out on so much, where as I'm sure she doesn't have the same feelings towards it. Everyone is different though. My children are very young but we hope that when they grow up and have a family of their own, we will be much more involved in their children's lives, albeit without the "ties" of specific days, as such.

You're not alone. I inwardly breathed a sign of relief when my DD said she had no intention of ever having children.

I think that's absolutely fine and your right. Just remember it is somewhat reciprocal as if with everything in life.

If you don't bother much with the grandkids they likely won't bother with you when you're much older.

Set the boundaries now 🤷🏼‍♀️ I have 2 kids (7 and 19 months). I can count on one hand how many times my parents have helped with school/nursery drop off/pick up! I want my mum and dad to retire for them and enjoy it, not feel tied to having my kids day in day out 🤷🏼‍♀️

My parents however would be there at the drop of a hat if needed and do take them for sleepovers maybe once every 2/3 months so they can have time with them OR for us to go on a rare night out.

My daughter’s grandparents live 4 miles away and have seen her once so far this year. They have never looked after her for us to work or anything else, in fact, in the 6 and half years she’s been alive they’ve probably met her 15 times at the most. They just don’t want to be involved grandparents and that’s their choice to make I suppose.

I agree with this TBH. Be careful what you wish for.

I didn't expect my parents to look after my children and I don't expect to look after mine, should I ever be gifted with any.
The thing is, many people do seem to expect their parents to be their free childcare systems so that they can both work and bring in two wages. If it's a mutual arrangement, then more power to you, but as I just said, there seems to be an expectation and I know one or two friends who are frankly over being primary childcare providers.

You don't even have grandchildren yet. My mum fully expected to be asked to do loads of childcare before I had my DS and was not so secretly dreading it, like you.

But you know what? I decided early on that I much prefer paid childcare. I have a wonderful nanny who I pay to follow my instructions, she's on time, fit enough to follow him around and fully 100% focused on my son.

Now my mum is saying she's jealous of my nanny and is complaining that my son doesn't know her well enough 😅😅😅 so just a warning that relationships are built over time. You don't want to do any of the hard boring work, you also don't get to be fun grandma.

My 2 dd who have dc have no need for financial assistance. They went to university, got good jobs, married, bought a house and then had dc when they could afford it. I'm sure that is pretty standard.

I know what you mean, OP. I don't even want a pet, never mind a little human to be parked on me. At this stage of my lifeI feel kind of cared out. No prospect of grandchildren on the horizon, however, and I remind myself I was one of those people who had absolutely no interest in having children, until I did. My DSis is a grandmother, and she loves it, but her children haven't had the effrontery to expect her to give up her full time professional role to be an unpaid childminder.

You can be as much involved in your grandkids life as you want to be….unless the child’s mother is on mumsnet!

My parents never did any childcare for my 4dc and they only live 10 minutes walk from me. The other grandparents lived abroad. Dm was always clear that she wouldn't. From about the age of 10 they did take them away for a week once a year and now my dc are older they enjoy visiting them and their children.
I like being an involved gm but there was definitely no pressure from my dc. My gc both go to nursery but I do babysit if asked.

My parents have never been hands on with my kids! Be as involved or not as you want!

I know two women my era who have become full time grandparents this year because their children had such chaotic lives social services were forced to remove the children. One has had a heart attack, the other has had to give up work .

The idea fills me with horror. To start all over again in your sixties 😱

I voted YABU, because these would be not your children and not your responsibility. You can be as involved as you look and travel as much as you like. It would be different if you had another child of your own. But in this case it is not up to you, nor are you bound to provide regular childcare.

I don’t necessarily think it’s grandchildren you don’t want, more the expectation that it will limit your life in some way. Because surely you don’t begrudge your children the joy of having children?
You just have to be very very clear on your boundaries from the start. If you aren’t up for babysitting but are fine with visits then say so.
I do tend to think that parents expect far too much of grandparents. It’s understandable in a way because of the cost of childcare, but it’s wrong, and children should never assume their parents will be their childcare. My neighbours are lovely youngish grandparents (I think maybe in their late fifties) to four kids between 5 months and 9 years old and it feels like they do far too much. Sooo many overnights and they are forever running the older 2 to their various clubs and activities as if they were there own children. I was talking to the man the other day and he looked knackered, telling me that he was up at 5am with the 18month old because his wife had been up twice in the night bottlefeeding the youngest. That’s just not what you want or deserve at that time in life!

You’re extraordinary unpleasant.

It’s a bit of a strange thing to worry about. It hasn’t happened yet, you could have years before it happens and it might never happen at all. You have no obligation to do anything you don’t want to do. I have a 1.5 year old, my parents and retired and my mum looks after him once a week for me. She’s asked to do it, she wanted two days but I said let’s just see how one goes. It’s lovely they have time together and she gets 6 days a week to herself. Today she has gone for brunch and is getting her nails done.
My in-laws still both work, we’ve not asked them for any childcare at all. They have looked after my little boy three times so we could go for dinner but that’s not exactly a lot in 18 months and they could have definitely said no!

It's not that other people's families are less close and caring than yours, more that they don't view their adult children as routinely in need of substantial hands-on 'help' on a regular basis. They think their children are, special circumstances aside, perfectly capable of looking after themselves and any children they might have.

For me, it's having the time! When mine were young, I worked full time, cared for not only my family, but also elderly grandparents.
I did, actually, do loads with my boys, BUT , having no pressure on me timewise, means I get to enjoy what I do with my granddaughter, and really appreciate it.

@Maverick66 bless you, you’re so caring and helpful! They’re putting a lot on you there! When do you get your breaks?