Not wanting grandchildren

I think this is a good point. I only had one living grandparent growing up and she couldn’t have been less interested if she tried. That’s fine, her choice she didn’t like kids apparently. The thing is kids grow into adults and she really did want to know us all when we got older and were suddenly good enough for her attention but it doesn’t work like that, children are actual real people with memories and are not likely to be bothered as adults about people who didn’t want to know them as children. When she died I was in my mid 20’s and I remember none of my siblings or cousins being in the least bit bothered.

But then again that won’t bother some people at all and that’s fine too.

There's usually 1 set of Grandparents that don't bother with their Grandchildren so you can take on that role....I've never once expected my Mum to look after my children, but she does out of her own choice and their relationship is amazing, as was mine with my Mum's mum, but my Dad's parents didn't bother, just like my Husbands don't, which is why I don't refer to them as Grandparents as they don't deserve the title

You can't "guarantee" that at all. You've just got a massive bee in your bonnet.

I’ve voted that you’re being unreasonable because you have a choice. I know grand parents who do a lot. I know grad parents who barely send a birthday card, and all levels of involvement in between.

But when you say the grandparents are more in demand than ever, I don’t agree. I think grand parents are much more selfish with their time these days. My friends, siblings and I get minimal help.

I remember grandparents, in my own family and in others helping out a lot more in the 70 and 80s

Some grandparents are involved, have them for sleepovers regularly etc and some grandparents are less involved

Stop pretending that sleepovers only benefit the children and grandparents.

they are very involved in my young DC lives

Guarenteed this means childcare.

I am with you! But not just because I don’t want to babysit. I do hope my DD doesn’t get tied down with kids too young.

Darling you are not obliged to care for your GC - they are your children's responsibility not yours.

Same for me. They are all teenagers now, and DH and I have a great relationship with them.

Our parents did not provide childcare, but were loving grandparents who very much had their own lives to live. I think that set the expectation for our children, and we were never expected to alter our lives to look after grandchildren.

You don't want to do any of the hard boring work, you also don't get to be fun grandma

This has got to be the most entitled statement I've ever seen on Mumsnet. Bloody hell😲Imagine being so brazen as to expect someone else to raise YOUR child. Yeah yeah you meant 'support' or 'helping out'.

You just need to make it clear to them in advance, what you are prepared to do/not do. It doesn't make you a bad person if you don't want to sacrifice your life to more kids. Not everyone is able to do it, nor wants to do it.

My mum didn't look after DD overnight until DD was old enough to walk upstairs on her own as my mum couldn't carry her upstairs.

My mum was still working, so made it clear that she couldn't look after DD when I went back to work. When the nature of the family business changed, she was able to have DD a bit in the school holidays, which was great as XH had left when DD was 4.

I was grateful for whatever she could do and did not expect anything from her.

DD is now 17, but if she were to have a child in the next few years, I would not be able to look after it, as I have to work full time until retirement , thanks to getting divorced and having to re-mortgage at the age of 41.

How old are you OP, and how old are your kids?

Mine are still school age so the idea of having grandkids too far off though I assume I would want them.

I was 35 and 37 when my kids were born and have a lot of friends who became pregnant in their 40s and say they are so worn out (50s / teens) they just want time to themselves, which sounds very understandable especially with caring duties to ageing parents as well.

I haven't voted.

My Mum doesn't do any childcare whatsoever, and I never would have put that on her. Her sister, looks after 3 of her grandchildren (3 under 5), full-time. I never get to spend any child-free time with my auntie because of it, and I actually feel resentful towards my piss-taking cousin for putting that on her parents who are in their mid-70's. I think she's a selfish prick for having 3 children, and in quick succession, then dumping every single one on her parents from 6 months old to raise (despite her being eligible for full-pay for 12 months maternity). Even when they are school age, Granny will be doing all the school drop offs and pick ups.

You can be as involved or uninvolved as you wish. It's your choice. Set whatever boundaries you wish.

I get you Hun - I was 49 when GC no1 was expected. But my choice to get married in early 20's & have a child 2 years later.

My first thought was 'I'm too freaking young to be a granny!!' 😱I said to my DS that I'd told him not to make me a granny until I was at least 60. He answered that by then he would be 44, said he would be too old for children (yeah right mate - the follies of youth who think they're going to be beyond sex after 40😂)
What could I say? Once I held that child in my arms I fell in love - as I have with everyone of my GC.

Now I'm looking 62 in the face & being teased that, give it 10 -15 years I could be a Great Granny. Now THAT is scary!!!😱

Shame on your daughter. Are you afraid of her reaction if you cut back?

There is no obligation for grandparents to help more than they are able to. So I voted YABU.

Just say no!!

Make it clear from the outset that you won't provide childcare for them. I think some children's expectations of their parents is unreasonable.

Enjoy your later year and don't tie yourself into more kids.

Well I don't think your friends necessarily reflect the entire range of experiences out there.

If it happens be clear about what you want. When I was pregnant my mum offered to watch my little boy twice a week, I didn't ask her to, I was planning to put him in nursery.

She will not have him at weekends and I totally respect that. We stick to our boundaries, she gets to have a relationship with her grandchild (there is only one) and lots of time to herself.

Just agree what you want upfront, your experience doesn't have to be that of your friends.

She didn't mention childcare once.

That’s fine, just don’t expect a good relationship with your children and definitely not the in law children also don’t expect any visits or care to be returned to you in your old age. Enjoy being alone and lonely!

I adore my GC and am actively involved in their lives. I have my own interesting busy life without them too.

Not up to you and none of your business.

Don't worry lm guessing your children won't want to care for you in your twilight years

Your entire post equates 'support' as childcare. My grandparents never once looked after us on their own. My entire relationship was based on them visiting us or us going to them and we had a wonderful relationship with them.

@Whoknows101 if you decide to have kids that is up to you and shouldn't factor in family being ad hoc child care.

You can do as much or little as you like as a grandparent

The only thing I'd add is that as a society, we have a massively ageing population where the percentage of working aged people is diminishing vs those not.

The idea that you hit 65-70 as an able-bodied / minded individual and stop contributing to society for the next 20-30 yeats because you have "earn't it" is gradually coming to an end as a consequence.

For many, their ongoing contribution is to provide some childcare so that their working-aged offspring can work to generate the growth that funds all of the healthcare / benefits etc that we take for granted, particularly as we get older.

So its perhals fortunate that many grandparents don't have the same mindset as you...

I'm currently giving my campervan a facelift which is proving rather costly. I know I will love having DGC when the time comes (poss in next decade), but until then, I'm off, and after then, don't want a weekly commitment. My DC are already well aware this 🤣