Not wanting grandchildren

I can’t see myself providing regular childcare for any future grandchildren either, OP. Firstly, I don’t want to and secondly I’m very unlikely to be able to cut back on work anyway.

My children have 6 grandparents and my eldest is 10. None of them have ever done any childcare. Some can’t do it due to health and others choose not to. It’s fine to make that decision to not want to.

Occasionally I do get a bit jealous of folk who can go away for weekends, not have the impending doom of balancing work and the summer holidays etc but then I realise I’d have to interact more with my family if they did childcare and realise I have the better deal.

All of this. Women who have already raised their own children shouldn't be expected to help raise the children others chose to have.

It's fair enough to say, "enough now."

My parents moved away when they retired and it coincided with my being pregnant with first child. I never had any help with childcare (but often wished I did). We at least had grandparents to visit by the seaside a couple of times a year. I think things are much harder now with the costs of sky-high mortgages and childcare and grandparents are leant on a lot more than they were in previous decades. I think it is exhausting for a lot of them and while they may love their grandchildren they don't necessarily love full days of childcare but feel obligated to do it. This is what I have gleaned from conversations. I don't have any GC of my own yet.

Then don't... but you can still enjoy grandchildren.
I think a lot of this generation are bloody selfish. Have had everything handed to them on a plate and now it's their turn they expect to not have to balance the challenges.
That's not all... but the amount that expect to be out every weekend. Weekends away. Sole Holidays ect I think there's some massive pisstakers. Including some of my mates.
My advice would be to make it crystal clear now tho that you won't be doing any of that. That ways there's no false expectation

Do your adult kids live close by? If not it’s unlikely you’ll be called on for childcare etc. But also…you can’t really know how you’ll feel until if/when it happens so try and keep an open mind. Some of my happiest memories are with my grandparents and great aunts / uncles. They were so special to me and I learnt a lot from them. And that wasn’t because they were shouldering the bulk of childcare, but rather because they had so many interesting stories to tell me and interesting things to teach me. I wish I could have had longer with all of them.

ETA I knew your username was familiar. You were on a thread the other day and you were told off by users for making up your own scenarios on the thread. You're doing the same here.

More dramatics. You sound very immature. A different opinion is not 'arguing'.

You seem very invested in my opinions. I'm going to take a guess that you rely heavily on your parents help and this thread and people's opposing opinions are upsetting you.

This is something I don't understand on here. "Do childcare or you're on your own when you're elderly". Is this actually a thing? My mother had already died before I had my kids but when my much older siblings had their young children my mother didn't do much childcare at all but every single sibling and (older) grandchild rallied round and helped her when she was sick. She still managed to be really close to her grandchildren by very occasional babysitting, visiting etc. Much the same as us and our grandparents.

And also a lot of families didn’t need women working and survived comfortably on a single salary back then. I understand your situation. Today is a different story. Thanks for describing it. Yours looks like the forecast for my life, tbh. It ain’t easy.

Absolutely not alone. My DC already know that I will be there for the odd night of babysitting and fun days out but I have done all the sacrificing required to be a parent already and have no intention of doing it again. If they choose to become parents then that is their responsibility.

You're going through the thread arguing with people for no reason. So you obviously do have a bee in your bonnet. That's not the behavior of someone with "no skin in the game"... but whatever.

Your own children haven’t even left home yet so you are massively jumping the gun.

Saying you “haven’t even found yourself outside of being a wife and a mother”…well yeah. Your kids are still at home.

I left home at 20 & had my DC at 37 so my Mum had 17 years to “find herself and be selfish” by then. She also doesn’t absolute not childcare and has never helped out financially. She sees her grandchild once a month for a couple of hours at my house while I’m there.

I don't have a bee in my bonnet😂I'm neither a grandmother or using my parents for childcare so no skin in either game. I do recognise entitlement when I see it so stop being dramatic with your "massive bee in your bonnet".

It’s such a weird thing to worry about in my opinion - as you can be as involved or not involved as you like.

I would say chat to your kids so they know that they can’t count on you for childcare. The only danger of being so ‘cut and dry’ about it is that you may even change your mind.

Why worry about it now - just put it out of your head until you actually get told you’re going to be a grandparent and then see how you feel!

Would you mind if your DC said they were too busy and would rather be going on lots of holidays so didn’t want to help care for you if you were to have an accident now, or when you are elderly?

My grandparents took me on fulltime when I was nine and they were approaching sixty. I am incredibly incredibly grateful to them and owe them everything, as indirectly do my own children. I guess to me that feels worth more than going on three Saga cruises a year or whatever! Contemporary British older people have the weirdest priorities.

I'm sure she doesn't expect them to and won't complain. Why would she?

@itsagreayarea I don't think grandparents are becoming more selfish but my dm retired when she was 60 - I'm 60 in a couple of months but have to work until I'm 67. I also help dm with her cleaning and gardening. I try and help my dds with my gc if I can but its difficult. I also still have a dd at school.

🤣🤣🤣
Quite the opposite. My mum was desperate to be a grandma.

But this shouldn't be dependent on whether or not you cared for your children's children. You brought up your OWN children, how many generations are women (and yes, it's pretty much always women, men seem to get 'care' when they barely lifted a finger for any child, let alone grandchildren) expected to look after before they 'deserve' to be cared for?

Also, not every old person will need, or want, to be cared for by family.

Well if you don’t want to help with childcare, that’s fine. Just tell them before they have kids so they don’t (wrongly) expect it.
However don’t be surprised if they don’t want to help you when you’re elderly. It works both ways.

Yep. If you want to focus on yourself & living your life, you absolutely can't complain when your children and any future grandchildren do likewise.

Well like everyone else is saying, set your boundaries. My parents absolutely adore my children and we see them all the time, but they don’t babysit apart from the odd time, wedding etc. and they have never have them overnight 🤷🏼‍♀️

Is your cousin holding a gun to her head?

The most entitled thing I have probably ever heard on here is someone complaining that they don’t get child free time with their Aunt because she is busy looking after her grandchildren.

I wouldn’t give a single fuck if my niece were to complain they couldn’t see me because I would care far more about my own children and grandchildren.

OP, do you expect that your children will care for you when you become old/infirm or do you have plans in place for that?