Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

Seriously? 🤣

I actually sort of think yabu a bit, sorry! Only because I’m wondering what would you have done if he had wanted to come with you? Surely you would have had to use kennels then? Dogs are tying, it’s why I don’t have one, and it does seem a little unfair to expect a busy teenager to be stuck home with the dog. I’m guessing as a kid he wasn’t the one who made the decision to get the dog. Ultimately it was your responsibility to plan for eventualities like this.
Look, I do sympathise though. How long are you away? As a compromise would he agree to it if a dog walker came every day and took the dog out for a few hours.
No problem with diplomatically saying to him that if you have to pay for kennelling you won’t be funding his trip…..However that argument falls a bit flat if you would have kennelled him anyway if son came with you….

Why should they pay out for a kennel when they have someone in the home that is perfectly capable of looking after it. Living in a home that has been provided for them and expecting a holiday to be funded next year. It’s called “paying your way”.

Yes they are taking the piss … look after the dog otherwise forget going away next year, it’s that simple.

Why on earth wouldn't you look after it?

I looked after our family dog at that age. Was told, not asked. DD looked after my own families dog at that age.

If you're old enough to go to work, go on a skiing trip and vote, surely you can look after the dog YOU LIVE WITH.

I think taking care of a dog is almost the equivalent of taking care of a child. Would you leave your a child in the care of your son for the week? I think you should arrange for care of the dog.

Have you actually told them that you would pay for a holiday Op?

I mean you invited them on yours & they said no.

That doesn't mean that the have to be offered an alternative does it?

If they are working I'd be expecting them to fund their own holiday as they are probably paying next to nothing to live with you.

So what else is their money for?

For me it would depend how busy there lives were at the moment, I'm assuming child has just finished yr 13? Is your child particularly lazy or something? Or do they have a job that doesn't fit around a dog and actually quite a busy life?

Realistically I don't think I would be able to ask my daughter to commit to looking after a dog as she's out of the house for work at 9.30am and not back until after 6pm, she also picks up more over time and I wouldn't want her to be turning it down as she really enjoys her summer job. She does socialise and I think that's good for her if I'm away that she has local friends.

I wouldn't connect it with the trip you have said you will pay for.

Find a good and reliable dog sitter/kennel and use the ‘ fund’….. short sharp shock for teenager. Welcome to the big bad world!

If you’re paying for their holiday I would explain one of the conditions is that they take care of the dog while you are away-you offered to take them with you & they weren’t keen anyway.
my almost 18 year old has been on dog duty while I was away with my youngest over the weekend (husband was working) If your teen isn’t missing out on overtime & doesn’t want to go with you this seems totally fair. Mine cheerfully walked dog,fed,watered & picked up her little ‘gifts’ He is going on holiday abroad for 2 weeks next month so he was totally fine with this arrangement.

I think I’d say fine if he doesn’t want to take care of the dog but he needs to go stay with a friend so you can get a house-sitter.

Are you referring to two children or one?

One - i can understand that might seem too much for them to commit to. Maybe they simply just don't want to look after the dog (i assume the family dog was purchased by you and they don't have to be responsible for it)

Why don't you just put the Dog into whatever doggy care that you would have organised if they were coming with you.

I wouldn't trust the teen to look after the DDog after what they have said so even if they backtracked to take advantage of the deal to have their trip funded I would still make alternative arrangements such as a kennels.
Or can you get dog walkers/feeders who come in twice a day rather than living in the house with the dog?

I wouldn't be funding the trip. They were offered the chance to go on the anniversary trip so I don't see how that turns into "Nah, I don't want to come but you can pay for me to go skiing another time".

I would be very tempted to say ' no problem I shall get the dog booked in for kennels, we were t expecting to have to pay for it as you said you were staying home with the dog, so unfortunately that does mean we won't have the funds to contribute to your holiday, but I'm sure you can pick up the extra money in your overtime'
He is an adult with a job being subsidised by mom and dad but he needs to learn give and take

I didn’t say that

I was pointing out that being disabled or having an SEN can mean that someone might be physically or mentally incapable of looking after themselves but if someone doesn’t have these limitations then at 17 they need a lesson in growing up.

What hugely is going to change in a year to make them think they are going to be capable of cooking, cleaning, doing their laundry, working, being responsible for themselves and getting themselves to where they need to be on time if a 17 year old can’t be left home alone for even a night

Gosh how selfish and entitled your DC is being. This doesn’t pop up out of the blue, you know - spoiling happens over years. Alas, probably too late to change her attitude now, but don’t pay for any holidays either.

Not rude at all there are people who will never be able to look after themselves whether they are 17, 27 or 67

There are disabilities that would make walking a dog impossible

It’s not rude to point out that if a 17 year old isn’t in either of those categories then by the age of 17 they should be able to spend a night on their own in their family home

And how am I incorrect.

Both my dc and myself are registered disabled. At 17 I had already experienced living on my own and both dc were capable of being left for a night and looking after pets
They could have walked a dog twice per day without any issue.

Does your teen like the dog? Our 'family dog' was always my parents' - no way would I look after it while they were on holiday! It's not kennels or nothing - you can get dog sitters who look after your dog at the sitter's house, for example.

I don't really see how dog sitting has anything to do with the teen going away in the winter - they're not stopping you going away, you have options, and presumably a lot more money than your child does if you're willing to pay for their trip. Don't really get the logic of some people suggesting you don't fund the snow trip because the kid doesn't want to look after the dog.

I can empathise - I have asked mine to water plants and put the bin out when I have been away for 4-5 days. Neither did it.
Both over 18.
WInds me up too when I think of what I do / have done for them .

I don’t think it’s right to suddenly withdraw the promised trip because they now won’t look after the dog. Was the trip always contingent on dog sitting? If it was, then fair enough. If it wasnt, you’re just lashing out and using it as punishment.

I also don’t think it’s strange to pay for a 17 year old’s holiday, but if there were no parameters set around this then it’s a bit late now.

This feels to be like a longer term pattern of lack of communication and lack of expectations/responsibility given to your child.

Put the dog in kennels and communicate better going forward. It seems to me you’re being as immature as the teenager here.

Pay for a dog walker and tell the child it’s coming out of their snow fund

How is the op's son being kind or empathetic by refusing to look after the family pet?

@NormalSunday make arrangements for Sulky Teen to go live with someone else while you are away.

If they aren't responsible enough to be alone with DDog then they aren't responsible enough to be left alone in the house while you aren't there 😉

The absolute cheek of them!

My slightly younger teenagers are perfectly capable of looking after our dogs/cats when we go away…between the 2 of them they even work out a schedule of who’s doing what and when so they have equal chores.

Id not be putting up with that attitude from them and definitely not be funding any trips.